DD told me to "eat poop"

[mambera]

She will be 3 this month.  She was angry at me bc I told her to stop pulling on the wrap while I was wrapping up the baby bc it was dangerous and might cause me to drop the baby.  She kept doing it and eventually I picked up the wrap and the baby and went in another room and shut the door to finish wrapping up (took like 30 sec).  She got mad and started screaming (she does this constantly, whenever she doesn't like something she has a screaming fit, which I generally handle by telling her I do not like to hear screaming and I am going in another room until she is done).

5 min later she went to the potty and yelled for me to help her clean up.  I reminded her that since she needed me to do things that she asks for (like wash her bum) then she should also do things that I ask for (like stop pulling on the wrap when I tell her to).  So she said "eat poop."

I was so horrified I really did not know how to react.  I just said that was disgusting, nobody eats poop, and let it go, just finished cleaning her up and helped her wash her hands.  But I certainly do not want to hear anything like that from her ever again and I can't think of how to get that across.

WWYD???

[mamaclukey]

I'd probably ask her to try it first and tell me what she thought. Since that's 99.9% likely not to happen, it probably wouldn't get brought up again over here.

However otherwise, I wouldn't even respond or acknowledge I heard it. She wanted a reaction from you and she got one. It's completely typical 3 yr old behavior. Ignoring it is probably your best option (unless you wanna try my 1st suggestion, but I'd only do that if you KNOW she won't actually attempt to do it lol).
 

[Super~Single~Mama]

LOL! Sounds like my 3yo, only it's more funny when someone else's 3yo does stuff like that. It's a frustrating age, I sympathize but am struggling through it so I don't have much advice. You're not the only one!!

[transylvania_mom]

I agree with you that you should stop doing nice things for her when she doesn't cooperate, but not cleaning her after going potty is pretty extreme. It's a basic need. I know that you would have done it anyways, but she must have felt pretty vulnerable and hurt, and wanted to retaliate.

I would tell her that language is not acceptable, then I would apologize for not helping her clean after going potty.

[McGucks]

I think every 3 year old tells somebody to eat poop at least once.  My guess is the bigger deal you make out of it, the more she will do it.  I definitely understand your not wanting her to talk like that, but it's par for the course.

Kids say the darndest things...

[Super~Single~Mama]

Oh yeah, back with some advice. When my ds says something that isn't nice (he sometimes calls me garbage) I muster up my best hurt look and say "ds that hurts my feelings". He almost always says sorry and gives me hugs after. It has taken time, but he's learning that certain things hurt other peoples feelings and that we don't say those things.

[SweetSilver]

This is one of those things that sounds so funny when it happens to other people, and not at all when it happens to you.  That tells me two things:  that those of us listening could do better not dismissing this because it is really, really funny and kind of cute in a diabolical kind of way.  And, when everyone else sees this as no big deal, maybe that's a cue to step back and try to see this as no big deal as well.

I don't think you wildly overreacted, at least it doesn't sound like that to me.  You were honest.  Frustrated.  I agree with the pp who said that the need to have a bottom wiped shouldn't correlate with reciprocal help.  There are a lot of other things during the day that you could say this--helping find her toys, or put them away.  I think you said this at this time because you were still frustrated, and that's entirely understandable.  

If you wanted a chance to express your frustration, you might have said after she told you to eat poop, to say, "You know, I feel that angry, too, because you made it really hard to wrap up the baby."  Said, while you are helping her wipe.  Would that sink in?  Probably not far, she's only three.  This kind of stuff takes a bazillion repetitions, it seems.  BUT, you get to convey your frustrations to her.  Since, you know, she was sharing hers.

But, yeah, ignore the specifics.

[mambera]

Sorry, to clarify:  I didn't refuse to help her clean up, or pretend I was going to refuse.  I agree that would be a little extreme.  I just reminded her, as I was coming in to clean her, that there were things I needed from her also. 

[LynnS6]

Personally, I don't think this was the time for that conversation, especially with a 3 year old. To her, the incident with pulling on the wrap was over. Why bring it up again?  It's also a completely different scale, as you've got the power to decide whether or not you help, and she doesn't have that option. I'd not link the two. You don't need her "help," you need her obedience, and it's a little disingenuous to equate the two. It's a little bit like saying "If you don't do what I ask, I won't help you." Now, I know you  helped her, but what's she supposed to think when you say that?

When she said "eat poop", I would have said something like. "That's not nice. It sounds like you're mad at me. You can say "I'm mad."" Then I'd leave it. Don't read too much into what a 2-3 year old says.

[nerdmama89]

I think it was completely reasonable for you to equate one helping action with another. I applaud you for seeing an opportunity to teach and taking advantage of it. 

As for what she said...yeah, it's just a toddler thing. I agree with the poster who talked about putting on a sad face and saying that your feelings have been hurt. Great idea! 

With my dd, I say, " How would you feel if someone said/did that to you?" It gives us a good opportunity to talk about our feelings and our friends feelings. 

[mamazee]

Kids learn to speak well long, long before they learn social graces. We can take things much harder than they're intended when we hear a child old enough to speak well but too young to understand the power of words.

I take these things as opportunities to teach social graces, and I don't take it personally. "It can hurt people's feelings to say something like 'eat poop.' Try saying something like, 'that makes me angry' instead."

[McGucks]

My now 16 year old went through a seemingly endless phase when he was around 3 of calling me "Stoopie Mommy"...usually very loudly, in public, of course.  I knew it was a phase and all that, but it still really hurt my feelings.  We joke about it now, but I sure didn't then!

[mambera]

Thanks for the input everyone.  Guess I am overreacting then.  Sigh.  I really hope this does not become a habit.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by mambera 

Thanks for the input everyone.  Guess I am overreacting then.  Sigh.  I really hope this does not become a habit.

I don't think you are over-reacting. I know this is such a tough age!! But, don't take it personally (or try not to) and remember that you are her "safe" person - she knows that she can act that way around you and you will still love her. Thats the way it goes - until they are grown apparently (my brothers and I said some pretty awful things to our parents, but now we all have a great relationship with them).

[mamadebug]

I think her response was totally age appropriate - and mildly annoying or humorous, depending on your perspective. 

Think of it from her perspective - she isn't even three yet, she was probably mad because the baby was getting the attention at the moment, you stopped her from pulling the wrap which was her way of letting you know she was mad (totally reasonable on your part to stop her, but nonetheless, she most likely felt thwarted), her screaming fit wasn't working in her favor and so she leveled her worst insult at you - and the worst she could muster was "eat poop".  

My experience is that 3 and 4 year olds do a lot of potty talk.  It's funny to them, it's a bit taboo, it can often elicit a reaction...  I found it was often a source of great humor among the preschool crowd, but could also be an insult if needed (at our house and among my son's friends, calling someone poopoo head or poopoo face was the worst they could come up with).  And while it is totally age appropriate, you do want to curb the behavior.  So, try to be as detached as possible and see the humor in it, and while keeping a straight face, reflect what your daughter is feeling (or what you think she is feeling) - "you are really mad right now.  You can say mommy, I'm mad at you!"  

I promise that this phase will pass....and then you will be on to some new "charming" behavior.   

[tessa67]

She is not even three. She has a very limited vocabulary at her disposal. She was letting you know she was unhappy with you in the only way she knows how.

Lighten up mama, and laugh. 

"Eat poop!  You want mama to eat poop!  I would rather eat you instead, yum yum yum!"  (as you nuzzle her neck)

My DD5 regularly comes up and whispers in my ear "Mama, you eat poop and earwax" or some such combination of disgusting things and we laugh and laugh. 

Plus, making potty jokes is the best way to redirect my dd when she is upset about something or being ugly.   I make a potty joke and she starts to laugh and it is all better.

Geez, she will only be little for a short while, enjoy these verbal gems.