NFP/FAM as main BC - need resources for husband

[vrclay]

So I had a bad experience with hormonal BC and now I am tracking my cycle.  We've just not had sex for a few month except during time I know it was most probably a safe period.  I need to get my husband to understand more because I can't/won't be the only one reading my body signals and deciding whether or not to have sex.  Yes, I know we could use condoms but for some reason he is resistant.  I kind of figured if he gets desperate enough, he'd use them.  It's been 3 month, we have a buffet of condoms available - I bought 5-6 kids when breastfeeding that never got opened.  So it's not like we don't have access.  At this point, I'm desperate.

Is there a good resource for guys?  I can't imagine him sitting down to read TCOYF and I don't think explaining the "charting to avoid" rules would be a good idea.

Oh and if anyone had tips for getting him more involved I would appreciate that too.

[dejagerw]

Maybe take an NFP class together. That way, he'll be along for the ride, and they'll also point out ways he can help or be supportive of your charting.
 

[alicewyf]

I would also recommend taking a class. There are even ones you can take online via webcam if babysitters or your schedule are keeping you from going to one locally. Feel free to PM me for more info. Unfortunately, the burden of the actual interpretation of your fertile signs will probably fall on your shoulders. I've heard of men who take their wives' temperatures every morning, but my husband, as wonderful as he is, is not one of them! You could however expect him to look at your chart and be able to tell by your notations whether that day was "safe" or not.

[librarygirl]

My partner (and soon to be husband- OMG, 12 days!) wasn't interested in learning FAM at all when we started using it a year ago. But he does trust me and just asks "do we need a condom?". he's quite okay with using a condom during fertile times. I just made sure he knew when it was okay or wasn't and he's been really good at it. If i didn't want to use a condom and just abstain, I'm sure he'd be okay with it. And after a year, he's really learned a lot. Because I do tell him. "No, lots of CM today so I'm fertile" or "Yeah, I ovulated last week so we're in the clear for a little while." He's still not into all the details but he is learning. This is a man who had absolutely no concept of how female reproduction worked when we met and FAM has worked for us for a year now.

That said, I'm not sure I'd be comfortable using it if we weren't okay with the idea of an "oops". We're waiting to try until after the wedding but we wouldn't be upset if I'd gotten pregnant before. If you and your husband cannot have an oops baby, another method might be better for you.

Good luck to you!

[9ana]

i wonder what the reaction to BC was....my husband and i like the book, NFP, the Complete Approoach by John and Sheila Kippley and it is online - you can just click on the book - pages 40 and 42 discuss the husband helping chart and interpret...also, you may want to read with him pages 11 and 13 and maybe discuss why he does not like the condoms - i am so happy you are doing this and really, condoms and withdrawal will reduce the effectiveness of the NFP because if they fail, you are probably in the fertile time, so he is smart to avoid that scenario ; my hubby was a huge help charting with me, he understood it better than me - let me know what you think - oh, see nfpandmore.org for the book at NFP International

[vrclay]

9ana - it was not truly a bad reaction but easier to word it that way...but here is the story.

I had been using the NuvaRing for about 14 months without a problem.  In early January, I conceived but had no idea.  During the course of what I thought was a normal period, I passed the fetal tissue.  I knew immediatly I had miscarried and my heart broke. I'm not sure I am comfortable going back on hormonal BC and my husband is willing to try FAM in conjuction with barrier methods, although recently I and realizing he is not as sure about the barrier methods.

My husband and I are not on the same page regarding family size.   We have 2 boys 4.5 YO and 2.5YO.  When I first miscarried, he was dead set against a 3rd child but knew I felt our family was not complete.  Since January, we've decided to add onto our house, I got a promotion and he is more open to a 3rd child, but not right now.  So in all honesty, a surprise pregnancy would not be the end of the world.  But I want to be careful, but I don't want the weight of the sole responsibility of interpretation. 

I tried being fitted for a diaphram but couldn't remove it!  I tried and tried but couldn't remove the sizing diaphragm  in the GYN's office.  I gave up.  Recently I have been reading about using spermacide in conjunction with a sea sponge.  I use the sea sponge for my period so I am thinking it might be an option.  I'm not sure I would trust it (or a condom really) if I was at the peak of my fertile time, but if it was possible fertile time, I think it would be a good option. 

Any words of advice?  Thoughts?

[mcpeck]

My husband and I use Creighton U. method of NFP.  I have messed up cycles so there is a little more abstinence for us than for other people I know who use it.  It is effective if you learn the method and use it (abstain when peak fertility).  My sister has used it for 9 years successfully.  I have thought about taking a Couple to Couple League Sympto-Thermal class only because Creighton relies totally on Cervical mucus observation and temp would be a good double check.  Hormonal BC has been linked to breast cancer and I refuse to take those chemicals into my body.  Eventhough the hormonal BC may be more effective at preventing pregnancy, it would bother me if one of the babies concieved by my husband and I could be lost because the lining of my uterus was thinned from the pill.  I'd rather take my chances.

Good luck!

[yellow73]

http://nfp.marquette.edu/nfp_quick_inst_intro.php

This is the model of NFP that a friend of mine uses.  It is basically charting and using an ovulation monitor as well.  It has worked well for her as before using it she had two 'oops' mainly because she has fertile mucus almost her whole cycle. She's now gone about 3 years with successful pregnancy avoidance.  I think some guys might be more into knowing there's something more 'techy' to rely on and not just charting. 

[9ana]

we must always consider the child that may come when we come together - i am sorry the hormones did that ; please name the child - you already 'have three' i believe; i must have lost one when while on the pill but did not see evidence like you - i was horrified when i found out that all hormones have abortifacient effects - spermicides have  awarded $$ in court for birth defects - NFP works if you abstain in the fertile time to avoid the child - sounds like hubby is smart on that,too - let him be a man and abstain - it is not unbearable if for a good reason - it builds your respect for him + that is good for lifetime marriage; i would tell mine,"i can't read my signs when we don't abstain", so he did for me + we would walk or do backrubs or cook dinner together / be non-genital ---marriage is for UNITY - be on the same page about no baby for now - i believe it will become evident that "three" or more is a good # to have down here - it is a little community - see also Karol Wojtyla book Love and Responsibility; NFP is free; it was great to be free from pharmacist,doctor and the bank when in the bedroom; you are a smart,thinking girl - talk to hubby about all this - share your thoughts - lots of couples abstain; probably some in your area - hope you can find lots of like-minded friends; our babies were spaced out over 18 years - we both wanted more when the clock was running out - i had one at 39 and 43 - what joy!
 

[9ana]

hi again - i forgot : i hated using spermicides - i am loving my hubby and killing his seed - not loving at all!!!  do you like back-up stuff?  it is so messy and made me feel gross -

[9ana]

hi there - how is it going?

[vrclay]

Thanks for checking in.  It is going fairly well. We are happy with what we are doing right now and I am more comfortable being the one to interpret my fertility signs.  I will say my GYN looked at me like I was crazy when I told her we were abstaining during my fertile period.  I got the "oh, yeah, the rhythm method" comment.  Um, no I said, it's a lot more scientific than that and gave a short explanation.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised but it made me sad that  GYN would not at least be aware of NFP/FAM.

[9ana]

good for you; yes, you are not the first one to educate your doctor; one gal OB admitted that she thought NFP was 'rhythm' for 20 years , but now she knows and has a NFP-only practice - hang in there - it worked wonderful for us : no fudging on the rules + abstaining in the fertile times - wonder if you have a nfp-only doctor nearby?  some moms drive an hour just to see them - they  often will spend a lot of time w/you

[9ana]

how are things? i rarely have time to be on here ; child just got married and we,ve had funerals and 3 trips out of state!!  thinking of you / prayers