Help

[Sbamadeio]

a little over 2 years ago I met my gf. She and I are in the military and both lived over seas at the time. Her ex husband had almost full custody of their daughter, who is now 6. We both returned to the states last year, and are now geographically close to the daughter M. Now, every other weekend we get M and last summer, I stayed home with M all summer and we were able to bond. After coming back from a deployment and going through a lot of tough changes, I'm struggling with the relationship with the mom. She says I discipline the daughter more than her and today, I yelled stop to her because she almost hurt herself. The mother didn't see what was happening but I did, and she was almost hurt. Well my gf got mad at me because of my tone, and anytime I say anything remotely mean or controversial to M. Its so frustrating, I feel like I've gotten in too deep and I should just bail out. I can't do anything right with the child. I'm not playful enough, I'm too mean, I'm not around enough. But the kid loves me and hugs me all the time, and I do special things with her. I just don't get it. I do love my gf a lot, but lately I wonder if this is going to get better. We are moving to the town that the ex husband and M live and we will have her 50% of the year, and I don't know if I can take it. I hate fighting and walking on egg shells around them. But its my home too and I'm not putting up with the bullshit. What should I do?

[MidwifeStephPDX]

That sounds really hard! It seems like you might benefit from some couples/family counseling to see if your relationship is salvageable, and work together on how to raise M together.

If that doesn't appeal to you at all, maybe you are done- and I definitely don't think you should take more steps towards being a family if it's not what you want. As hard as it would be for M, it will be even harder as more time goes by...

[pokeyAC]

I agree that counseling is a good idea.  For the both of you or you alone if your gf will not go.  The family relationships you have are tough enough to maintain without being in the military.  I dated someone in the military, and it was always tough on our relationship when she went away for a few months and then came back home.  There was a tough adjustment period when we had to get used to being with each other again.  Both people in the relationship change while they are apart.  You just need to figure out if the love and strong foundation of your relationship are still there.  If they are, you can rebuild and make things stronger.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  I wish you all the best.

[hippiemombian]

I second, or third, the counseling. My partner and I went though it not to long ago because we were having similar issues. It has helped wonders, but we are both committed to having a family together.