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Beginning a relationship... - Page 3

post #41 of 49

Hmmm.  Maybe I am just old, but I can remember relationships before texting.  There was no expectation of hearing from someone throughout the day, maybe just a phone call at night if you didn't have plans.  I'm wondering how the technology has influenced our expectations, and whether it fuels co-dependent tendencies in us.  I'm not saying that anon_abroad shouldn't dump the guy who is not actively pursuing her....I'm just wondering, in an abstract sense, about how this technology influences potential partner interactions. 
 

post #42 of 49

Provocativa's definitely got a point, I'm old enough to remember pre-cell phone days too! :-) It's something to take into consideration, that's for sure.

post #43 of 49

Others might not agree with me, as some people think it's just playing games, but I recommend a book like "Why Men Marry B****es" by Sherry Argov. Particularly, if you think you might be needy. I think women do themselves a disservice putting the ball in a guy's court and overthinking whether or not he might be interested and what this or that means. Date and have fun, value yourself, and figure out whether or not you really like HIM vs the attention.

post #44 of 49
Quote:
and figure out whether or not you really like HIM vs the attention.

Words for thought! May be the case here.

I don't quite understand what the book "Why Men Marry B****es" by Sherry Argov talks about, can you explain more?
 

post #45 of 49
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by provocativa View Post

Hmmm.  Maybe I am just old, but I can remember relationships before texting.  There was no expectation of hearing from someone throughout the day, maybe just a phone call at night if you didn't have plans.  I'm wondering how the technology has influenced our expectations, and whether it fuels co-dependent tendencies in us.  I'm not saying that anon_abroad shouldn't dump the guy who is not actively pursuing her....I'm just wondering, in an abstract sense, about how this technology influences potential partner interactions. 
 

This a good point. While I remember the days before cell phones, all of my relationships occurred with the use of cell phones and even text messages. Crazy to think about, really. It's definitely not my preferred way of communicating with a guy I'm getting to know. I think a lot of things can be lost in translation/lack of tone and therefore are not at all the most efficient way to pursue a woman. For all a woman knows, the guy could be texting several women! Not to categorize them all in that manner, but it's true. I think authentic pursuit outside or in addition to texting is far more intentional and quality than texting. Of course, it feels good to know he's thinking of you and he should find ways of showing you that. However, I'd much prefer something cliche, like flowers specially delivered or a hand written note send my way or even an email that's personal. I rarely get emails like that or even mail. 

post #46 of 49

Anon - I really like the website baggagereclaim.co.uk

 

It's taught me so much about what healthy relationships look like and there are tons (literally hundreds) of free articles. She has a few books too but the articles are really helpful themselves.

 

What I've pieced together is if a guys just texts without anything else (such as calls, plans, etc.) to get to know you better, he's just looking for attention, sex, or some causal.

post #47 of 49

I'll definitely have a look at the website, i need all the advice I can get about healthy relationships.

It's great insight to know that if a guy just texts without anything else he's only into attention,sex, casual whatever...I SO lack intution like that. I am a terrible judge of character.

The guy I mentioned in my last post in this thread, who I went on 4 dates with and who I felt was not getting in touch often enough, did text 1 / day, always replied to texts, and also made plans to see me, but...in the end....I wasn't into him :-(

It's all part of learning, right?

post #48 of 49

Hope you like the site.

 

In my experience if a guy can only text you they are either wanting something casual or are not emotionally available. The guys who have really wanted to get to know me made plans with me and called me to actually talk to me.

post #49 of 49

This is all very interesting. I am dating a man, the first after the loss of my husband, and am finding it difficult to find a balance. The kids haven't met him yet, but will soon, and I'm terrified to mingle the two parts of my life. Relationships are scary business....but also exciting. He's a great guy and I'm totally into him but I still have my reservations. It just feels weird. 

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