So glad to have found this group! Already thinking about my next pregnancy and, as always, with pregnancy comes fears - be them rational or not - about the birth. DS was a planned section. sigh. yes, a planned one. Being naive I believed the dr.s and my midwife when they gave me the choice of killing my child or myself by trying to birth him naturally in a frank breech position or having a section. I cried all the way to the delivery room. I cried and cried and cried. So I spent the next years educating myself, researching and preparing for the HBAC of DD.
Of course, total VBAC ban where I live so I spent thousands of dollars flying a midwife out (meaning here to Japan) to stay with us for the few weeks leading up to the birth. Since I never laboured with DS, I brought her out around week 39. Now I know I need around 42 or 43 weeks to cook a babe. So basically we ran out of time, the midwife did not like the fact that I was 42 weeks, a VBAC and that she was leaving in two days. Labour started and went on and on. It took a good 24hours to get to 4cm. DD was just not ready to come out. I had been awake for 36 hours and just wanted a rest. Labour was tapering off, contractions were slowing down and my midwife was not happy - her flight was leaving in 24 hours and she could not leave me in labour. My options were to stay home, break my water and hope for the best or transfer. And I was so tired, in so much pain and just so ready to end the nightmare and the pressure I felt for STILL being pregnant. urgh. that was the worst. So I transfered and then had my baby taken away to the NICU for 7 days because I didnt get proper prenatal care (simplified version, but a truer one than the 'infection' DD had but never showed up on her tests). Did I mention 3 dr.s flat out refused to take me as a patient throughout my pregnancy?
That being said, the second section was a MILLION times better than the first. I had no fears, SO glad the pain was over and done with (until recovery, that is) and I was not drugged to the nines. But it still sucked. I still HATE csections. I would still never wish one on anyone or even myself again.
But the more I think about my fears, the more I realize that they are for the most part about me. My next pregnancy is going to be an unassisted pregnancy and (God willing) birth. Emotionally and financially I need it. And since I transfered on my own last time - my Canadian midwife did not accompany me to the Japanese emergency (no transpo for her) - if something were to go wrong in my birth another ambulance will come and pick me up. BTDT. So I saw how that aspect worked. Also the latest studies put the rupture rates for women with 1 or 2 sections at 0.7% while 3 or more was 0.9%. So you are essentially taking the same risks every woman takes in birthing a child by going into labour. These kind of fears I can work through - I can read up about them, look at the numbers, make sure I have a dr to call into the hospital for me.
My biggest fear and the one I still havent figured out how to get over yet is my ego, saving face, having to go into the hospital and have all those doctors say 'I told you so' AGAIN. That is what scares me the most. Having male dr.s lord over me, a stupid woman, and one who thought she knew better than them, for a hospital stay makes me feel ill. Having to smile for them, let them examine me, be nice to everybody at the hospital just turns my insides out. If I am at a hospital it is because everything I wanted and planned went WRONG. so this is what I am working through.
gotta put DS to bed. anybody else going through this too?
Edited by jenninjapan - 6/1/12 at 6:51am