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Fears for the next birth?

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

If/when you have another child, what are you afraid of? I'm not asking to pour salt in anyone's wounds; I believe that the best way to conquer a fear is to acknowledge it. 

 

I'm afraid of having another C. I want 3 children but not 3 c-sections. If I have 2 sections, I think we're done. 

 

I'm afraid of something happening to the baby, but that's a given in any birth, anywhere. 

 

Other than that, I'm mostly fearless. Thanks to DD's birth, I was forced to face almost everything that scared me (needles, scalpels, hospitals, doctors, c-sections, anesthesia, something happening to the baby during birth), and we made it through. We're both healthy and thriving. It didn't break me, or her.  

post #2 of 6

I have only begun now thinking of having another baby. I needed to move past the anger and guilt and believe that I wasn't a horrible mother for not being able to birth DS vaginally before I could consider being a mom twice over.

 

But now that I'm thinking of it, I am afraid of lots more things. Uterine rupture, adhesions, all kinds of things. I'm a bit afraid of another c, but also, as you say, I think I have come to understand that I can survive it. It sucked. It was awful. I am still hurt by it. But you are so wise to say it- it didn't break me. And there is a piece of me in all this puzzle that is heartened that I faced my biggest fear and lived through it. Wish I hadn't HAD to. But I did, and I am here. I am breathing. I am a mama.

 

And next time. Oh, boy, next time. I will have a homebirth plan AND a hospital/c-section plan and I will be aware enough to let everyone know what I want and not be blindsided. I will accept that I can plan for the best, but that I must expect nothing, because birth is its own animal that I have very little control over.

post #3 of 6

Wow!  This is what I am struggling with right now...  only I didn't realize it until my last visit with my midwife.  Like the OP, I really felt like I faced all of my birthing demons (hospitals, zombie doctors who want to make it home for the big game, being hooked up to machines and IVs and all of that).  I was (still am) very fortunate to have a healthy baby, he just wouldn't come out!  Both of the previous posts really ring true for me.  I am starting to really think about how my previous birth experience has already shaped my perception and desires for our next birthing journey.  What really hit me during my visit with my midwife was the sudden fear of failure that brought up a huge choking sob when she inquired about our favorite part of our last birth.  We were doing so well, my SO and I, laboring together and preparing for our babe.  That part was so beautiful.  Then, when there was no progression, we finally had to transfer and things felt like they were out of our hands.  I tried to keep that sense of 'We're making the calls here', but really I felt like I failed myself, my love, and our baby.  So, that's where I am. 

 

To end with something a little more affirming... I DO want to journey like before with my SO through that first part of labor, then work my butt off through that next stage that we never reached, and then welcome our new LO into our loving arms with no complications and in the comfort of our own home! 

 

Thanks for this.

post #4 of 6

So glad to have found this group!  Already thinking about my next pregnancy and, as always, with pregnancy comes fears - be them rational or not - about the birth.   DS was a planned section.  sigh. yes, a planned one.  Being naive I believed the dr.s and my midwife when they gave me the choice of killing my child or myself by trying to birth him naturally in a frank breech position or having a section.  I cried all the way to the delivery room.  I cried and cried and cried.   So I spent the next years educating myself, researching and preparing for the HBAC of DD. 

 

Of course, total VBAC ban where I live so I spent thousands of dollars flying a midwife out (meaning here to Japan) to stay with us for the few weeks leading up to the birth. Since I never laboured with DS, I brought her out around week 39.  Now I know I need around 42 or 43 weeks to cook a babe.  So basically we ran out of time, the midwife did not like the fact that I was 42 weeks, a VBAC and that she was leaving in two days.  Labour started and went on and on.  It took a good 24hours to get to 4cm.  DD was just not ready to come out.  I had been awake for 36 hours and just wanted a rest.  Labour was tapering off, contractions were slowing down and my midwife was not happy - her flight was leaving in 24 hours and she could not leave me in labour.  My options were to stay home, break my water and hope for the best or transfer.  And I was so tired, in so much pain and just so ready to end the nightmare and the pressure I felt for STILL being pregnant. urgh. that was the worst. So I transfered and then had my baby taken away to the NICU for 7 days because I didnt get proper prenatal care (simplified version, but a truer one than the 'infection' DD had but never showed up on her tests).   Did I mention 3 dr.s flat out refused to take me as a patient throughout my pregnancy?

 

That being said, the second section was a MILLION times better than the first. I had no fears, SO glad the pain was over and done with (until recovery, that is) and I was not drugged to the nines.  But it still sucked. I still HATE csections. I would still never wish one on anyone or even myself again.

 

But the more I think about my fears, the more I realize that they are for the most part about me. My next pregnancy is going to be an unassisted pregnancy and (God willing) birth.  Emotionally and financially I need it. And since I transfered on my own last time   - my Canadian midwife did not accompany me to the Japanese emergency (no transpo for her)  - if something were to go wrong in my birth another ambulance will come and pick me up. BTDT.  So I saw how that aspect worked.  Also the latest studies put the rupture rates for women with 1 or 2 sections at 0.7% while 3 or more was 0.9%.  So you are essentially taking the same risks every woman takes in birthing a child by going into labour. These kind of fears I can work through - I can read up about them, look at the numbers, make sure I have a dr to call into the hospital for me. 

 

My biggest fear and the one I still havent figured out how to get over yet is my ego, saving face, having to go into the hospital and have all those doctors say 'I told you so' AGAIN. That is what scares me the most. Having male dr.s lord over me, a stupid woman, and one who thought she knew better than them, for a hospital stay makes me feel ill. Having to smile for them, let them examine me, be nice to everybody at the hospital just turns my insides out.  If I am at a hospital it is because everything I wanted and planned went WRONG.  so this is what I am working through.

 

gotta put DS to bed. anybody else going through this too?


Edited by jenninjapan - 6/1/12 at 6:51am
post #5 of 6
I live in Tokyo with my pregnant wife and child. I found JenninJapan's story on google and it sounds very similar to what we're going through with the Japanese medical system right now. My wife was very angry after the first c section and we are really hoping to have a VBAC this time.

I was wondering if you could recommend the Canadian midwife you used for your birth though? I really don't want my wife to go under the knife again. Any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks
John
post #6 of 6

I will accept that I can plan for the best, but that I must expect nothing, because birth is its own animal that I have very little control over.

 

Yeah that ^ I just found out we're going to be welcoming #2 in April 2013. I'm excited but scared. I too am afraid of uterine rupture, adhesions, etc. My first c/s wasn't horrible. Being bullied into it was, but the actual c/s and the recovery actually weren't bad. So now I'm afraid that natural birth is going to be worse/more painful. My dh said if this one ended up a c/s we weren't going to have any more after that (because there are only so many times you can roll that dice before you have a poor outcome) and we really wanted like 3 or 4 children, so I would be devestated to lose out on my dream family. I'm afraid of giving up on myself, losing faith. I'm afraid this one will be breech or something that would be an automatic indication for c/s to some people.
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