When your only child asks for a sibling... « Back to Group Discussions

[CI Mama]

...what do you say? This came up for us recently. DD (who is 3.5 years old) out of the blue one day said that she wanted a baby. (A baby brother, she said, then quickly revised to a baby sister.

We just said, "We're a family of three, and we're not going to have a new baby in our house." She seemed to accept that, although she mentioned it again a few days later, and she got the same answer.

Has this come up with your LO? How do you handle it?

[iris777888]

It's only recently come up for us too. We've said pretty much the same thing. We're not going to be having any babies join our family. DS asked if we could "get one of those babies" or somesuch while pointing to one in the mall and it made me think he wasn't that invested in the idea. He hasn't asked since and didn't have any questions after I answered. If he had come to us with a heartfelt desire to have a sibling, or was asking lots of questions about it, I think we would have given him a more complex response, including some reasons.

[cat13]

DS is still a baby, so I'm just 
 

[Chrisa]

I'm an only.

My mother had the perfect response for me: "What if X were your sister?" - X being my cousin I couldn't stand, and the feeling was reciprocal; we fought all the time. That was the last time I asked for a sibling.

Pick a child your DD likes the least, and point out that he/ she could have been her sibling. That babies grow, we don't get to choose siblings' personality traits, and you could end up with a child DD doesn't get along with at all, but who she'll be stuck with all the time. Between that and being onlys, most kids would prefer the latter.

[Amy@STL]

Originally Posted by Chrisa 

I'm an only.

My mother had the perfect response for me: "What if X were your sister?" - X being my cousin I couldn't stand, and the feeling was reciprocal; we fought all the time. That was the last time I asked for a sibling.

Pick a child your DD likes the least, and point out that he/ she could have been her sibling. That babies grow, we don't get to choose siblings' personality traits, and you could end up with a child DD doesn't get along with at all, but who she'll be stuck with all the time. Between that and being onlys, most kids would prefer the latter.

That's a very good response! I can totally see that working with any kid

[samann1121]

My 3.5yo DD has started talking about having a baby brother.  (We have no plans for that right now.)  In fact, she keeps talking about it like it's a given and saying things like "God's still making my baby brother!" (Where does she get this stuff??)  Makes for some awkward conversations with our friends! 

I treat it like any of her other imaginary friends (and she has many!).  I'll play along when it's just us and ask her silly questions about it, but she never seems to be too serious.  (If she asks when he's coming or something, I tell her the truth.)  I don't want to tell her straight up that there won't be one, b/c DH and I have not totally made up our minds about it.

[DaisyO]

This kind of thing makes me feel pretty sad.  My daughter (2.5) has also asked for a baby brother several times--"Mommy, have a baby and name him Peter!".  Also, at the supermarket this summer, we saw a sweet little baby boy in a cart.  My girl said something like "take him home with me", to which I said something like "well, he's somebody's baby and we're not taking him home etc etc".  Her response: "Buy it, Mommy."  wtf!

Anyway, she also does say things like "I don't like babies", and gets upset if I am holding a friend's baby.  But, her comments about a baby named Peter make me wish I could feel okay about having another kid and have one, or feel okay about NOT having another kid and live cheerfully with my decision.  I have pretty much made up my mind but I'm not really that happy about it.  I just hope she doesn't get angry at me later in life, and that I don't get too angry at myself.

[mrsmischief]

My daughter asked for a sibling a couple times in the past but then I spent a year providing child care in my home, including to one baby full time, and her desires for a sibling vanished afterward. She hasn't asked since, though she has expressed how happy she is to not have a sibling after I've provided occasional babysitting here and there. 

She was recently at a story time event during which the person reading asked her if she had any siblings and she answered "of course not" to his question with a bemused expression on her face. It took me great willpower to stifle laughter as her tone and facial expression made her statement very funny. ;)