Daddy wants to catch baby...

[FarmBirther]

The other day my husband mentioned wanting to catch the baby if he could... I'm not sure if some midwives don't allow this or what. I'm also worried that I will really want him up by my face supporting me but I won't have the energy to vocalize that while pushing. I would like to have a plan of him catching if I'm feeling like I don't want him touching me, is that a realistic this to decide in the moment? Does anyone have any experience with hubby catching the baby? Was it planned? How did it work? He's so amazing he deserves to be involved in any way he would like, but I'm scared that I'll need him and he'll be at the wrong end!

[Marissamom]

Daddy has caught both my babies. one hospital, one home. both times it was planned and discussed with my care provider in advance. it was pretty easy logistically, he was doing whatever I wanted at the time up until crowning, then moved to a position he could catch from. 

[MeredithA]

My DH caught our son. Our midwife was going to catch and DH was going to hold my hand and be supportive up near my head. Well, baby came FAST. Labor was 45min and by the time we got to the hospital I was 8cm. Our midwife had gotten into the room but she was not near the hospital bed when DS came out. DH was great. He saw that baby was coming and caught him with his bare hands and held him like a pro. It was a fantastic experience for both of us. Now we are about to have another baby and DH is planning on catching again. We might even do an unassisted childbirth at home (we really wanted to but currently baby is not in a good birthing position and I am nervous to UC breech). 

Anyway, we are planning that regardless of what position I end up in, DH will just reach down there and catch when the time comes. I know I might want to be on all-fours or squatting, and I told DH that I wasn't going to get on my back or anything to make it easier for him to catch so he is prepared to go with the flow and be ready when baby is ready. 

[FarmBirther]

Thanks ladies! I guess I can let go of his hand for a couple seconds so he can catch haha.

Originally Posted by MeredithA 

DH was great. He saw that baby was coming and caught him with his bare hands and held him like a pro. It was a fantastic experience for both of us.

Awesome!

[fruitfulmomma]

I think most care providers these days are okay with whoever wants to catch the baby. My husband has done it at home with the midwife and in the hospital with an ob.

Deciding last minute...my dd was 6yo and thought she wanted to catch but then got apprehensive, so dh told midwife to go ahead since she had not caught any of ours before and he was pretty focused on me. 

[smeep]

Really, he could just ask you "Do you want me to catch the baby?" and you can nod or shake your head. Or he can just go for it and you can smack his hand if you don't want him to. lol If he just pays attention, it's usually pretty obvious when a woman doesn't want something done unless she's too worried about hurting someone's feelings and is trying to hide it. I'm pretty sure I hit my midwife's hand to get her AWAY from me when I was pushing and she was wanting to hear the heartbeat real quick. I told my midwife I *might* want to catch the baby myself when we were going over my birth plan. She just watched me and I think it was pretty obvious that I was going to do it myself when I reached down with my hand to feel the head come out and then put my second hand down there. 

If you listen to your body and your instincts and emotions and don't hold back for fear of hurting someone's feelings or upsetting them, you will do JUST FINE. You WILL make it obvious if they are paying any attention, whether it's through speaking, yelling, body signals (nodding, hand movements, etc.), or even just vocalizations - your tone will usually say enough. 

[smeep]

And you need to talk to your midwife about it, but chances are she will be totally fine with it, especially if she is an out of hospital midwife. In hospitals it usually depends on your provider - some are worried dad might drop baby (ridiculous), that it's "contamination" (again, ridiculous), or simply want to be in control of it themselves, or it may be against hospital policy (unlikely - and in this case some providers may "forget" about the rule if they're supportive of it). Part of the midwifery model of care is to encourage women and their families to be a PART of the birth, not just bystanders. Letting whomever mum wants catch the baby is a part of that. I've honestly never heard of an out-of-hospital midwife not letting dad or someone else catch a baby unless there was a good reason and the midwife may need to act quickly (like concerning heart tones) or needs to be right there because baby's in a funky position or dystocia or something. 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Let me tell you honey...one of the most deeply moving, important moments of my life, was the moment my DD slid out of me into her dada's hands.

That was such a crucial moment for him. That was the exact moment he became a real, live Dada. You know? BOOM. He was a DAD. I got to grow that baby for almost a year...feel her kicks, her hiccups and mine was the body she emerged into the world from...but HIS hands were the first to touch her. That is so cool.

He didn't get to catch our second, DS, but he will be (along with DD1) catching this one. <3 Makes me so happy.

Let him catch the baby. You will be so happy for it.
 

[FarmBirther]

Thanks, I have been thinking about it and I think it would be a special moment for both of us. He seems pretty adament about it but told me he would ask me if it was ok while I'm pushing to give me a chance to nod or shake my head. We're seeing our midwife today so we'll check with her. I have to say I'm loving these daddy catching stories! Very sweet.

[MarleneCPM]

As a birthing mom, it was very important to me that the 1st thing that touched my baby was his dads warm loving hands, not a someone's latex glove!

As a midwife, I encourage dads to catch, telling them, they put it in, they should get to take it out. I also explain at the time of birth, some (many) women poop a little w each pushing ctx, which must be kept away from perineum &  baby to prevent infection. Which job does he prefer? Most see the wisdom of choosing to catch their baby over wiping poop!  :D

As for letting go of his hand while he catches, try just relaxing instead of squeezing,  most find it comes a lot easier if they can relax all their other muscles, so the uterus can work most efficiently. When you are squeezing his hand, you are tensing up, & diverting energy from the uterus. If you have to squeeze something, try a comb, that works great on the pressure points in your hand, better than another hand even. 

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Originally Posted by MarleneCPM 

As a birthing mom, it was very important to me that the 1st thing that touched my baby was his dads warm loving hands, not a someone's latex glove!

As a midwife, I encourage dads to catch, telling them, they put it in, they should get to take it out. I also explain at the time of birth, some (many) women poop a little w each pushing ctx, which must be kept away from perineum &  baby to prevent infection. Which job does he prefer? Most see the wisdom of choosing to catch their baby over wiping poop!  :D

As for letting go of his hand while he catches, try just relaxing instead of squeezing,  most find it comes a lot easier if they can relax all their other muscles, so the uterus can work most efficiently. When you are squeezing his hand, you are tensing up, & diverting energy from the uterus. If you have to squeeze something, try a comb, that works great on the pressure points in your hand, better than another hand even. 

^Everything she said, a thousand times.

[knittyrobin]

We've found it helpful to watch birth videos on youtube and discuss them.  Not that our experience will be the same as anyone else's but to give our minds something to work on that's not based on general cultural assumptions about what birth is like.  We found this birth particularly lovely: http://youtu.be/fs7GyCvwx1k.  The midwives were on their way but didn't quite make it.  It really spoke to us about how peaceful and normal birth could be.

As a second time mom, in my own experience with #1 I found that squeezing my husband's hand was about the least helpful thing I could do during my birthing time.  Letting my hands and mouth be relaxed and open seemed to help the other end open too--lots of relaxing.  When actually pushing I was most comfortable and successful squatting, which required balanced support rather than my husband's hand.  Unfortunately, our first birth, though natural, took place in a hospital that didn't really support dads doing much of anything so my husband felt left out of the actual birth after providing fabulous support for many hours at home.  This time we'll be at home and he's eager to catch!  In talking to my friends, at least around here it's pretty common for dads to catch their babies for homebirths.

[FarmBirther]

Haha now I feel silly worrying so much about being able to squeeze his hand. I guess I got caught up in the mental image of a woman pushing on her back in a hospital bed, squeezing hubby's hand and screaming. Such great points about relaxing rather than tensing. In a way I think I'll feel more relaxed knowing I'll be pushing my baby out into the safest hands s/he could ever land in!

[knittyrobin]

That's great you're feeling more confident!  Our culture gives such negative images to women about childbirth.  In hypnobabies (which is the childbirth prep we did this time around), one of the big focuses is protecting yourself from these and replacing negative beliefs with positive ones.  I actually stop women mid sentence if they start telling scary stories or saying negative things.    I definitely avoid all television etc.  Birth doesn't have to be scary...it can be beautiful.  

[Honey693]

DH caught our second b/c labor was really fast and the midwives hadn't shown up yet.  I honestly have no idea where he was before that b/c I can't stand to be touched in labor.  I need him there and close, but not touching me.  He was a lot calmer than me; I was freaking out by the point where DD2 needed to be caught.  

[Dia]

Originally Posted by knittyrobin 

We've found it helpful to watch birth videos on youtube and discuss them.  Not that our experience will be the same as anyone else's but to give our minds something to work on that's not based on general cultural assumptions about what birth is like.  We found this birth particularly lovely: http://youtu.be/fs7GyCvwx1k.  The midwives were on their way but didn't quite make it.  It really spoke to us about how peaceful and normal birth could be.

That video was so beautiful I cried. Thanks :)

[alaskanmomma]

Aww, what an awesome daddy :)!

I wanted my husband to catch DS from the beginning(looking back, wish he could have for DD, but I doubt the OB would have allowed that one...). DH was against it from the get-go, and throughout the whole pregnancy said he wouldn't catch the baby, but when it came time for the baby to be born I don't think DH could have been anymore excited to catch him :) He literally almost barreled the midwife out of the way to get him, and was so proud of himself. 

My midwives had absolutely no problem, and even encouraged, the parents to do the baby catching :)!