Have the passing years been kind to you? « Back to Group Discussions

[SweetSilver]

It seems like since the years have passed, and especially since dh had the vasectomy and  the possibility of Accident Baby over, I feel like the memory of my C-section is receding so far away.  I feel like the obsession I had, going over all the possible moments of wrong decisions I might have made has finally ceased.

Could it be because I'm not expecting to have another child?  No longer any possibility of that perfect homebirth, or even perfect hospital birth.  No chances to redo this that I've finally started letting go?

OK, now that I'm actually thinking about this, I still see the feeling are there, lurking.  Maybe that's why I don't visit this group page often.  Hm, now I think, avoidance?

Whichever, the years have been kind.

[CI Mama]

I'm with you. I'm 3.5 years past DD's birth, and I'm not in the same traumatized space that I was in. Not even close. My body feels great. And I'm getting regular sleep most of the time. Amazing.

I probably do have some unresolved grief about my experience...but I expect that. Some grief is by nature unresolvable. Sometimes the old feelings come up unexpectedly. Sometimes I can conjure them up by focusing on specific memories.

I stay in touch with this board largely because I want to support and validate other women who have been through a rough time. And I want to see some change in the world, so that moms who have this experience can be better supported and have easier journeys to the other side of the trauma. One of the worst parts of the whole thing for me was how alone I felt. I really felt like no one understood what I was going through at all.

I am actually not a fan of believing that all women have to be "at peace" with their birth experiences. Peace is a nice feeling, but I think it's just not a realistic goal for all of us. I think there are lots of routes to healing, and they can look different & have different stages.

What I think is important is that each woman find her resilience, so that the trauma doesn't become a place to be stuck.

[pittsburrito]

Yes, I got very stuck.  So I very much appreciate your helping to start the cesarean forum and this group on MDC, CI Mama, because I really needed it very badly 18-months ago--before it existed.  Now every time I read a 1st time post from a traumatized new mother relieved to have found these spaces, I recognize myself in them, and feel like welcoming her in out of the rain.  It's good to know that time can heal such wounds, SweetSilver; and thank you for staying in this difficult space with us, CI Mama.   

Appreciatively,

Pittsburrito

[SweetSilver]

It's a kind of healing that never quite heals all the way, and like CI Mama said, some things can bring back the feelings and the memories, but after a while it's not quite as painful or immediate.