Time Magazine article on attachment parenting. « Back to Group Discussions

[LilyTiger]

Time has a new edition coming out with a woman breastfeeding her three year old.  It has been making the rounds on my FB page, but I don't know whether it's out or not yet.  I'm somewhat agnostic on the concept of attachment parenting in the first place, but I thought it might be interesting to hear people's reactions to the article (when it eventually hits newstands).  Msnbc.com had an initial reaction piece (very short on content, obviously), but it has the front cover: http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/10/11640864-times-breast-feeding-toddler-cover-spurs-shock-talk?lite

Anyway, just curious what people think! 

(I know this can be a controversial issue, but since our DDC is so awesome and supportive I thought I could risk starting a discussion without worrying about it getting crazy)

[pennywhistle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyTiger 

(I know this can be a controversial issue, but since our DDC is so awesome and supportive I thought I could risk starting a discussion without worrying about it getting crazy)

You mean like the TMI/Facebook thread?  

From the cover, I'm convinced that the article is just going to be obnoxious & sensationalist.  With the outfits and the positioning, the photographer/designer clearly wanted to make the kid look as old and as uncomfortable/awkward as possible.  So I don't have a lot of faith in the article providing any nuanced or thoughtful information.

I'm also interested in reading these articles, although I haven't had time yet: http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/04/30/motherhood-vs-feminism/

I think they will be really interesting (especially interested in Mayim's), but the whole "motherhood vs. feminism" oppositional dynamic certainly rubs me the wrong way.

[LilyTiger]

Ah!!!!!! Penny, you saw that thread?  I was seriously confused and decided to just gracefully fade away.  Live and learn... 

I'm teaching a class on Women and Politics this quarter and there has been a ton of stuff on this supposed conflict between mothering and feminism, part of it at least coming from a recent book by a French academic who argues that "naturalist" parenting as she calls it is bad for women.  There have been numerous reviews in various journals and magazines, most of them arguing that this woman is seriously confused about what it means to be a feminist. 

I agree with you that the cover itself does not bode well for the article.  Coincidentally, I just bought the Dr. Sears Baby Book last week, so I'll be reading more on this from the attachment parenting side of things.  Judging from what various Facebook friends have posted in response to the article, I don't think most people have any real idea what attachment parenting actually entails and I'm not sure a sensationalist picture like the Time cover will help anything...

[Sol_y_Paz]

Originally Posted by pennywhistle 

From the cover, I'm convinced that the article is just going to be obnoxious.  the photographer/designer clearly wanted to make the kid look as old and as uncomfortable/awkward as possible.  So I don't have a lot of faith in the article providing any nuanced or thoughtful information.

This, along with their headline titled "are you mom enough" makes me just roll my eyes.  

[sallyrae17]

Originally Posted by Sol_y_Paz 

This, along with their headline titled "are you mom enough" makes me just roll my eyes.  

I feel the same way. I'm actually avoiding the article because it's not going to tell me anything. The funny thing about the photo is that I'm still breastfeeding my three year old and let me tell you, he looks way younger than the kid in the photo. The child's position is definitely made to look uncomfortable and to make him look older. Anyway, I parent the way I parent and if someone wants to label it as "attachment parenting" or something else, that's their deal. I do what feels right and comes from my gut. Apparently it jives with the attachment parenting community, but I don't outrightly state that I'm an "attachment parent."

The other thing that drives me nuts about this cover and article is the fact that it's trying to create an argument between parents/caregivers. I'm so sick of the judgment that people pass on parents. Yes, there are some awful parents out there, but I like to think that we all do the best we can with what we have. Judging someone else's parenting style isn't going to gain you any points in life and it's only going to make you feel more isolated. Everyone is different. Different things work for different people. We should try to learn from eachother instead of silently judge. It's not my place to tell someone that they are "wrong" (unless they are abusing someone) with their parenting choice. I may get incredibly frustrated by what other people do and don't do, but when it comes down to it...I'm able to make the parenting choices I want with my own child/children and that's the best I can honestly do.

[bjacques]

Originally Posted by Sol_y_Paz 

This, along with their headline titled "are you mom enough" makes me just roll my eyes.  

Exactly!

I've been doing this momma thing for almost 16 years now and I've pretty much seen it all.  I nursed my mid-kid until she was 2.5 and weened her because I wanted to... she would have nursed forever.  This magazine cover is a great way to sell copies, get into the news, and generate future ads.  Motherhood spends far, far too much time under the knife being dissected, examined, and rewritten on a regular basis.  The more we buy into the debates and the "French mothers are better and helicopter mothers are damaging" nonsense, the more they're going to continue.  I wouldn't want to be starting on the mommy path in the middle of this media frenzy.  It's so hard to find a happy medium and to be granted permission to define motherhood as it works for your family.

If I can start my morning without raising my voice before the kids get on the bus (and this morning my youngest went without his uniform belt... which will put me on the "bad mom" list at school.  He was skipping to the bus stop, so bite me uniform nazis) and then get through homework without tears and into bed with a hug and a kiss, then hot damn, I've done well!  And I don't need some $5 glossy magazine or $25 parenting philosophy text to tell me everything I did wrong along the way.  

And don't get me started on this stupid "What to Expect" movie that's making a complete joke of families and pregnancy.  
 

[ithappened]

Judging someone else's parenting style isn't going to gain you any points in life and it's only going to make you feel more isolated.

 

[pennywhistle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyTiger 

Ah!!!!!! Penny, you saw that thread?  I was seriously confused and decided to just gracefully fade away.  Live and learn... 

I'm teaching a class on Women and Politics this quarter and there has been a ton of stuff on this supposed conflict between mothering and feminism, part of it at least coming from a recent book by a French academic who argues that "naturalist" parenting as she calls it is bad for women.  There have been numerous reviews in various journals and magazines, most of them arguing that this woman is seriously confused about what it means to be a feminist. 

I thought you handled yourself as best as you could.  And holy crap I wish I could sit in on your class - it sounds so interesting!  I'd love to hear more (feel free to PM me if you want) about your syllabus and reading list, especially pertaining to the motherhood/feminism issues.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bjacques 

And don't get me started on this stupid "What to Expect" movie that's making a complete joke of families and pregnancy.  
 

SERIOUSLY.  Every time I see that preview I want to throw things at the screen.

[monkeyscience]

Serious to the perpetuation of the us-vs-them mentality of that headline. "Are You Mom Enough?" seriously?!? While there are unfortunately people of all parenting stripes who decide it's their job to pass judgment on others' parenting styles, I would like to think most moms are not in the habit of judging the "mom-ness" of other people. And if they are, they shouldn't be encouraged. I haven't read the article, but it wouldn't surprise me at all to know the headline has zero to do with what the pictured mom actually believes, and is all about the controversy the editor wishes to generate to sell magazines. Just yuck all over.

ETA: A friend linked to this post on FB, and that sums up my thinking fairly well.
Edited by monkeyscience - 5/14/12 at 6:59am

[LilyTiger]

Having finally read the article, I can say that all of our suspicions were correct.  The headline and photo basically overshadow what is a decently done (though not balanced) article about Sears' work.  Focusing on the extremes is, of course, sexy and sells magazines, so that's what they chose to do.  The author hasn't done her research in a lot of areas, but the article itself is much more moderate than one would expect from the headlines.

The thing that p's me off the most about the headline is this implicit assumption that mothers are (and should be) at each other's throats about their choices.  First, what about fathers?  Why aren't there national headlines about the waves of absent fathers and the effects those choices have on children?  And second, as others above have pointed out, why are women's choices so uniquely vulnerable to judgment by the media and each other?  I just don't get it.  And it really really irritates me.  Parenting is, in my opinion, one of the most private things you can do, relating as it does to the relationship that you create and forge with your children and partner over a lifetime.  Why anyone else gets a say in that experience (leaving aside obvious abuse and neglect), is beyond me.  And why mothers, in particular, are subject to such overwhelming scrutiny is really annoying. 

In the end, I guess, the stupid headline just ruins what was essentially an average article anyway.  I'm not sure what the takeaway message is and it certainly hasn't convinced me to change anything I was planning.

[youngspiritmom]

I agree with most of you. The cover picture is clearly sensational and aims to get a reaction. The mom is wearing a sexy outfit on the cover, too, in my opinion (strappy tank top and skinny jeans) which is further designed to create a sexual undertone.

Here are a few interesting related pieces of media if you're interested

Interview with cover mom and son on Today show

Huffington Post article about the TIME article

"Time Cover Sells Out Moms to Sell Magazines"

I like Dr. Sears. I think he's a nice guy with generally good advice. Of course everyone wants their baby to be attached to their parent(s) in a healthy way. Whether this means you have to stay with you baby 24 hours a day or not, I don't think so. We cosleep because it works for us, but my best friend doesn't because she cannot get good quality sleep without her bed to herself. I didn't baby carry because I had back problems. I'm a stay at home mom and that's extremely important to me, but my own mom put me in daycare at 6 weeks old because she had to go to work to earn money. I love her so much and totally support her choice and admire how hard she worked and dont resent her or whatever.

So I think Attachment Parenting is a great idea, but I have learned that every mom/dad/parent has a unique situation and just has to find what works best for them and their baby. I think it's totally unsupportive of women in general to criticize another mother's parenting style simply for being different from your own. If she is doing what works best for her and her kids, then I say that's what counts.

[ilovetchotchkes]

Originally Posted by youngspiritmom 

I agree with most of you. The cover picture is clearly sensational and aims to get a reaction. The mom is wearing a sexy outfit on the cover, too, in my opinion (strappy tank top and skinny jeans) which is further designed to create a sexual undertone.

Here are a few interesting related pieces of media if you're interested

Interview with cover mom and son on Today show

Huffington Post article about the TIME article

"Time Cover Sells Out Moms to Sell Magazines"

I like Dr. Sears. I think he's a nice guy with generally good advice. Of course everyone wants their baby to be attached to their parent(s) in a healthy way. Whether this means you have to stay with you baby 24 hours a day or not, I don't think so. We cosleep because it works for us, but my best friend doesn't because she cannot get good quality sleep without her bed to herself. I didn't baby carry because I had back problems. I'm a stay at home mom and that's extremely important to me, but my own mom put me in daycare at 6 weeks old because she had to go to work to earn money. I love her so much and totally support her choice and admire how hard she worked and dont resent her or whatever.

So I think Attachment Parenting is a great idea, but I have learned that every mom/dad/parent has a unique situation and just has to find what works best for them and their baby. I think it's totally unsupportive of women in general to criticize another mother's parenting style simply for being different from your own. If she is doing what works best for her and her kids, then I say that's what counts.

Quoted for TRUTH

[lakeruby]

Originally Posted by youngspiritmom 

I agree with most of you. The cover picture is clearly sensational and aims to get a reaction. The mom is wearing a sexy outfit on the cover, too, in my opinion (strappy tank top and skinny jeans) which is further designed to create a sexual undertone.

Here are a few interesting related pieces of media if you're interested

Interview with cover mom and son on Today show

Huffington Post article about the TIME article

"Time Cover Sells Out Moms to Sell Magazines"

I like Dr. Sears. I think he's a nice guy with generally good advice. Of course everyone wants their baby to be attached to their parent(s) in a healthy way. Whether this means you have to stay with you baby 24 hours a day or not, I don't think so. We cosleep because it works for us, but my best friend doesn't because she cannot get good quality sleep without her bed to herself. I didn't baby carry because I had back problems. I'm a stay at home mom and that's extremely important to me, but my own mom put me in daycare at 6 weeks old because she had to go to work to earn money. I love her so much and totally support her choice and admire how hard she worked and dont resent her or whatever.

So I think Attachment Parenting is a great idea, but I have learned that every mom/dad/parent has a unique situation and just has to find what works best for them and their baby. I think it's totally unsupportive of women in general to criticize another mother's parenting style simply for being different from your own. If she is doing what works best for her and her kids, then I say that's what counts.

Agreed!

And, we have a subscription to TIME (not sure why, I only glance at it usually) and event though I'm interested in this topic, I just rolled my eyes at this article and recycled it. Definitely sensationalist.  I think TIME has gotten what they were after-- which is a lot of people saying "TIME magazine"  :)