I am really struggling with how I should occupy my time on Sunday. I’d prefer it to spend it my kids or maybe swing by and see my mom for a bit. DH is out of town. MIL is the problem.
Backstory: MIL is super-needy, basically moved to our Coast to see the kids. She is very demanding, never satisfied with how often she sees us, overbearing, and constantly criticizes how we raise our kids and/or does a lot of subtle and not-so-subtle things to undermine our values and parenting. She is lonely. Has no local friends and few friends anywhere. And was a very need person to her sons before DH and I had kids but a few late in life difficulties have magnified this 1,000. She is not interested in me at all although I think she feigned it before Dh and I had kids and had a better relationship.
Meanwhile, I work full time which I hate and just want to see my kids as much as possible when I am not working and not have to meet her at the door every bloody day telling me about the life with my children I am not living. (We have a full time nanny but she is over frequently.) I have had a lot of painful arguments and stress to carve out the limited time I have with my kids and although I am sure she would say she “never sees the kids" (telling there, not the “family”) on the weekend it tends to be every three weeks or more often.
Any time she is not seeing our kids she is more or less twiddling her thumbs at her apartment because she has no local friends or hobbies. She does fly to the other coast every other month of so.
My family is local and non-stress. Postponing mother’s day to a joint thing with DH and MIL next week wouldn’t be a big deal.
So, I’d prefer to do something fun with kids which is more or less what I would do Mother’s Day or not. It might involve my mom or not.
Am I obligated to do something with her on Mother’s Day?
She is not the sort of person who appreciates “late” or “alternate” plans and is very rigid about how they should be defined. So, dinner with my mom and the extended family next week is not equal to Mother’s Day, celebrated on Mother’s Day. (DH is at high school reunion.) On the one hand I really don’t want to behave in a way that is awful or rude. And I do feel a prick here and there that I should. But I have no, no desire to do so.