I am down today as I'm at a crossroads about our housing situation. A house I own (needs work!!) is not in the right school district, but is in a beautiful area. I've been renting the lovely house I'm in... but, it will no longer be available at the end of this school year. Have been searching high & low for a new place and am striking-out on finding something in our school district.
So, I'm freaking out.
Wondering if this inability to find a new house for us is some kind of cosmic sign that I'm not in the right place. I moved to this area by default. We'd built the house (needs work) my ex-H wanted to build in the town he wanted to build in. I preferred another State. When I first moved here upon separating from ex-H, it felt right. Now, I think that "rightness" was more about the good decision to get divorced than the town I ended up in.
The past two years have been such a struggle to get a foothold in building a new Life. Is it supposed to be this hard?? I don't know. I'm thinking maybe it is not. I'm thinking maybe things aren't working out because they're not supposed to. This isn't the right thing.
On a gut level, I don't even know. I don't have that feeling like everything will "be okay" any more. I don't have that feeling that "this is it," headed in the right direction.
So, I'm letting go of my need to be here. I'm putting my things in storage and when the kids get out of school... I'm going on a road trip with the kids to Maine. I'm going home to see if it feels "right" to me. I'll be there for about a month. If nothing else, maybe it will help me remember who I used to be. If I decided to come back, or I decided to stay in Maine... it will be because I decided... not because I owned a house in a town I never wanted to live in.
I've been banging my head against a wall to make things work. Mainly to give the kids stability of school systems. But, I need to be able to breathe. To feel like it is working.
Yes, it is time for a road trip.