I've generally ascribed to the notion that you can't spoil a baby by giving him too much attention. My son is approaching a year old I'm not quite so sure that's true anymore.
He's always been a high needs child. When he was a small infant most of his awake time was spent crying and we would have to intensely entertain/soothe him to prevent him from melting down. Now most of the time he is awake he is whining to be picked up, clinging to our legs, and refusing to play unless DH or I are sitting right there. When we are playing with him he is really cheerful--it's when we try to walk away that he gets really upset. He's only okay with being worn if he's ready to take a nap. I kind of figured this was normal for a kid his age. But I recently got a part time job and he's been at his caregiver's house for 2 days. She is a great woman and really gives him attention and doesn't believe in leaving him to cry (especially during the transition where he's never been apart from his mom for that long). But she recently sent me an email asking if we could consider this month a grace period, because he was really needy and she was unable to devote much attention to the other children. She has extensive experience, both in daycare and her own nieces and nephews so I'm feeling kind of shocked that she's already giving me a head's up about throwing in the towel if he doesn't adjust--after just one week! Surely with all her experience she's dealt with separation anxiety before, so DS must be an exceptional case.
Anyway, this has started a bit of conflict between my DH and I. He thinks we are spoiling him and our caregiver's email just affirmed his opinion. I think it seems really obvious and intuitive to hold up my DS when he wants to be held. But he says that DS has learned that whenever he whines he'll get picked up. I can't deny that our boy seems to be much less easygoing than every other baby I've met and I don't know how much of that is his personality and how much is my parenting.
Should I start teaching him a little independence, and if so, how?