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Twinning, not winning

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

I could really use some guidance in the discipline department. One of my boys (I have twins) is extremely sensitive while the other seems to just roll with whatever. This makes discipline especially difficult. I try to have both punishments and rewards be as equal as possible between the boys. If my more sensitive son does something naughty I want to feel comfortable giving him the same punishment as I would his brother, but for some reason I always end up feeling guilty. On the one hand, I say think of them as individuals and just give a punishment that fits the crime. On the other hand, treating them as individuals might come back to bite me when it comes to discipline if they feel they aren't being treated equally. "Fair" & "Equal" are important ideas in my house especially since my boys are the same age and essentially have the same everything, but as they get older I'm finding their individual characteristics making fair and equal a harder expectation to meet. My husband is pretty much from the fair and equal school of thought (he can stand the crocodile tears), but I feel like something isn't quite right or at least not always. Let me know what you think.

post #2 of 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinning002 View Post

I could really use some guidance in the discipline department. One of my boys (I have twins) is extremely sensitive while the other seems to just roll with whatever. This makes discipline especially difficult. I try to have both punishments and rewards be as equal as possible between the boys. If my more sensitive son does something naughty I want to feel comfortable giving him the same punishment as I would his brother, but for some reason I always end up feeling guilty. On the one hand, I say think of them as individuals and just give a punishment that fits the crime. On the other hand, treating them as individuals might come back to bite me when it comes to discipline if they feel they aren't being treated equally. "Fair" & "Equal" are important ideas in my house especially since my boys are the same age and essentially have the same everything, but as they get older I'm finding their individual characteristics making fair and equal a harder expectation to meet. My husband is pretty much from the fair and equal school of thought (he can stand the crocodile tears), but I feel like something isn't quite right or at least not always. Let me know what you think.

How old are your boys? Are the situations when you are disciplining them both at the same time or when you are dealing with them individually?

post #3 of 3

I have twins as well. There are times when you have to step back and say "What would I do if they were a year or two apart in age?" Often that reminds me to look more closely at their individual needs, and act accordingly.

 

Even identical twins are not exactly alike - and it sounds like yours have quite different personalities. As a result, they should be treated differently. Of course consistency is the key, and it might be tricky to keep track of what you do for each child - especially in the heat of the moment.

 

I'm not real crazy about punishments or rewards as discipline strategies, so I can't help a lot there. Our style is more to establish clear, age-appropriate expectations, model the behavior I expect as much as possible, be consistent, and above all, treat them with respect. We also tried very hard to phrase things in "yes" format instead of "don't" format.

 

My sons are 17 years old, and it has worked out pretty well for us.

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