I started out with great goals but became more and more discouraged with her resistance to any sort of instruction for me and the whining/arguing that has been present every.single.day.
A couple of months ago, I totally washed my hands of instructing her and since she has only been responsible for the works she can do independently (English, Math). I ask her to do what would amount to about one hour of work if she is motivated and stays on task. In actuality, it drags on alllll daaaaay loooong with me continually "reminding" or asking what she has done and her continually redirecting my attention or "just having to do something first" or needing a snack or anything but doing the actual work.
She drags her feet and complains at even this minimal amount. I dont feel Im asking too much or for her to do work beyond her ability. She is upset that I no longer "instruct" her, but I felt so worn thin by what has become his huge coercive monster between us! When I sit down to show her how to do something, she literally argues with facts or just shuts down and says she cant or wont do it.
She is asked to do very few chores, maybe 15 minutes a day of contributingto the home. I know she is bored and would do better with more activities out of home, but I feel like geez we need to do the minimal RRRs and clean up the house before we go ________, kwim? In general, her attitude toward "work" of any kind has taken a huge downturn this year, and she is (always has been) extremely resistant to ideas/activities that come from outside her own inspiration. She is also a major perfectionist and HATES the learning curve of not having instant mastery of something.
I am miserable, hs-ing has been a really horrible experience for me this year. I wanted to send her to a new (waldorf) charter next year, but its not going to startup til the following school year, so we have a year gap.
I'm willing to hs again next year, but feeling gun shy. The other ps's here are not really an option. Hsing and freedom and noncoercive parenting are part of my values, but I just feel so upset by how things have gone this year and the dynamic that has developed between us. I think that I would be happier and dd and I would have a better relationship, too, if she were in out of home learning environment.
Because we use a public hs charter, we really cant fully unschool because of the learning plans that they require. I felt like asking for one hour of work a day was pretty reasonable. What to do? Write a contract together? Grade her and let her work speak for itself if she chooses not to complete it? Unschool anyways?