Here is our background:
My DH is a wonderful man, amazing daddy and teriffic partner, he is also very very close with his family ( who live on the other side of the world). 4 years ago he moved to Canada to live with me and is fairly settled but misses home a lot. We live in a big city and he is from a very small village in the middle of nowhere on a farm. I know it was very hard for him to move so far away when he probably always imagined himself living with in 5 miles of home like his 26 cousins. I really really appreciate what he has given up. We have a 2 year old DS and a new baby on the way :)
We go visit his family at least once a year, it is a strain financialy but it is worth it for him and our son.
Here is my problem, I have never felt comfortable in his parents house and it is at the point where I dread our trips and am miserable the whole time we are here ( we're 1/2 through our trip this year). I feel like I need to find a solution but cant figure it out.
I would love some input from you ladies. I'm just gonna list my problems to make it easier
-DH's family is HUGE and the house is soooo busy (small house, lots of people), I need alone time for my sanity
-They yell...a lot. Not necesarily in an angry way, its just how they talk,
-so much negativity- when my MIL woke up the other day (at 9 am) I commented that I had been up since 4 am (jetlag) and her responce was barking "well, you cant blame any one else for that!" I'm not expecting much but shes so harsh to everything I say, all day long
- I cant stand the gossip and judgment, its all anyone talks about...other people. I know it must include me when I'm not around
-as soon as we land DH is given a list of things to do on the farm that take up most of the trip leaving me at home with his family all day ( he has differant skills and no one else can do these jobs), and we get almost NO time as a family for our only time off work together
- the other kids (who are always here) are crazy! all they eat all day is junk and run around screaming and misbehaving from morning till night. DS is very good but picks up some of these behaviors
- MIL and SIL yell empty threats ( including hitting) to the kids every 2 min ( no exageration), and of course there is no behaving from the kids cause they know there are no concequences.
- the house is cluttered and DIRTY, not messy (that too) but filthy
- food is unsafe, MIL will leave the a roast on the counter all day and over night to cook in the morning, cooked food is left on the counter to eat for the next few days
-unhygenic- it is not unusual to find a unwrapped chicken on the shelf of the fridge
- there are 2 open fires all day every day, I get sick every time we leave. I can taste the ashes in the air
- they have no garbage, everything and I do mean everything goes in the fire, wrappers, food, milk jugs, dirty diapers, any thing that you would recycle or put in the garbage goes in the fire. I am terrified about what we are breathing in
- I can not cook much of my own food so we have been getting maybe 1 serving of way over cooked veg a day, living on carbs and dairy
So my solution was that we would rent a place near by to stay next time, but DH says that can not happen, that it would kill his mother and create nothing but drama in the family. I am feeling like he is putting his familys needs and feelings before mine, we've been here just over a week and I have been on the verge of tears the whole time (beinge pregnant doesnt help).
His parents are elderly and very set in their ways, I am very aware that we have a limited time left with them and want to spend as much time as possible while they are alive and realitivly healthy
I know this is a tough place for him and he feels bad for me but feels like there is nothing we can do (besides insure me on a car next time so i can go out, which would help but not enough)
There are great things about being here too.... DS is so happy, he is much more active, so many kids to play with, loves to see his grandparents, he is forming such great bonds with them all. I love watching how happy he is :) And he sleeps like never before because he is running all day! Dh is happy too, so content with being home and with his family, so I guess its just me having problems
He gave up a lot for me, maybe I should just suck it up and give in to hating our 2 weeks holidays each year?
Any great advice for me? What would you do?