2-year-old nap situation is driving me nuts

[newmamalizzy]

Hi Jessica,

I've gotten some great advice from you in the past, so I thought I'd give it another shot with our current Big Issue.  I think that I need as much help on this issue with myself as I do with my daughter. 

DD is 25 months old and has always had a difficult time with sleep, and particularly napping.  I didn't have a lot of help when she was an infant, and did all of the night-time parenting.  In my exhaustion from the nights, I started getting more and more frustrated with my inability to get her to nap during the day.  I NEEDED it.  I felt like I was truly on the brink of insanity, and had a number of intense days, breakdowns, fits of uncontrollable anger that I didn't recognize in myself... At times I felt like I hated being a mother, and I felt angry at my daughter for making me feel that way, too!!  ALL of this intensity of feeling somehow manage to express itself through one issue:  Napping.  So, even now that I'm not quite so exhausted, I get hit by waves of powerful anger when my daughter fails to nap. 

From about 19 - 24 months my daughter was generally taking one 40 minute nap a day.  At 21 or so months, there started to be periods when I couldn't get her to nap every day.  Now, at 25 months, it suddenly seems like I can't get her to nap at all.  When she does nap, she goes to sleep fine at night, still waking 2 - 3 times on a good night, though fully night-weaned.  When she doesn't nap, her night-time sleep becomes a complete shambles.  Lately her nights have been 11.5 or so hours long with a 3 hour stretch of intermittent dozing and several other "hard" wake-ups.  And HUGE resistance to any suggestion of napping.  She has never "just fallen asleep," so no matter how tired she gets, this just does not happen, even in the car.  She is beyond exhausted, and her behavior is disintegrating.  I feel like I keep trying lots of different strategies to help her nap, but they all backfire, and eventually that anger of mine comes rushing back, and then I feel like I've sabotaged the whole effort. 

This poor baby needs a nap so badly, and I have no idea how to provide it for her.  I feel guilty, frustrated, and exhausted.  I really need some advice. 

Thank you so much in advance, and for being here to answer questions from bewildered moms!

Elizabeth

P.S.  If it helps, before things went haywire our sleep pattern was something like this:

6 - 6:30 a.m. wake-up

11:30 a.m. lunch

12:00 p.m. (or whenever lunch is done) diaper, read, bottle, and I would "pat" her to sleep in her bed*

12:30 - 1:30  40 minute nap somewhere within this

6:05 p.m. start bedtime routine (brush teeth, PJs, books, then lights out and bottle, then lying in her bed with me next to her)

7:00 p.m. usually asleep

* when she stopped falling asleep at nap time, I dropped this bottle, too; we're trying lying down together and listening to a book on tape instead....not working

[JessicaWilliams]

Dear Friend,

Thank you for reaching out. I'm glad my words were helpful for you in the past and thank you for your appreciation; it means a lot to me. 

As to your current situation: firstly, know that you are not alone. Sleep bewilders and overwhelms so many parents and the pure physiological impact of sleep deprivation has a direct effect on your ability to react with calm and composure. Your nerves are frayed and that makes parenting that much more stressful.

Know also, that young people's sleep can be affected by their growth and development and other extenuating circumstances. Health, potty training, teething, changes in routine, travel, caregiver changes, social dynamics during the day, external tension between you and your partner, weather and time changes, all can have an effect on sleep patterns! This resistance to napping can be temporary. 

I urge you to keep your commitment to the daytime nap; it seems your little girl needs it, as much as she resists it. Since you seem to be able to nap with her, that is still one option. You can also keep the nap-time routine, even if she isn't sleeping; lights can be off, curtains drawn, ringers off, and offer zero stimulus; create a culture of daily quiet time, with the aim of sleeping, but the consolation prize of at least a quiet time. Routine is key. Even if your daughter isn't sleeping, take this time as a time of rest for you.

There is also always the car ride, the stroller, or the backpack carrier for an assisted nap. 

I know it can make you feel absolutely crazy inside, helpless, powerless and trapped not to have the nap hour to yourself; the nap becomes the only moment of solitary exhale in your situation, and trust me, I get it! I urge you to set up a time of respite for yourself on a regular basis; reoccurring in some manner; be it daily or every other day or even weekly; wherein you can leave the house for one hour and replenish. As long as you are feeding your soul during this time; reading, sleeping, writing, painting, walking, dancing, biking, staring out at space, in nature; whatever will offer your spirit renewal; consistency is key.

Also, please check out my Ultimate Parenting Course. I have original interviews with Elizabeth Pantley of No Cry Sleep Solution, and a host of other experts; there is an entire section dedicated to sleep; a handbook with written exercises and text with insights, as well as a video with interview footage. The course has over 4 hours of original video interview insights and solutions. I worked tirelessly on this home study course and there is nothing else like it; I was changed as a parent and an educator during the interview process. Here is the link: http://www.UltimateParentingCourse.com

This period of time is temporary! 

All the best,

Jessica

www.LoveParentingLA.com

www.UltimateParentingCourse.com

[JessicaWilliams]

Dear Friend,

Thank you for reaching out. I'm glad my words were helpful for you in the past and thank you for your appreciation; it means a lot to me. 

As to your current situation: firstly, know that you are not alone. Sleep bewilders and overwhelms so many parents and the pure physiological impact of sleep deprivation has a direct effect on your ability to react with calm and composure. Your nerves are frayed and that makes parenting that much more stressful.

Know also, that young people's sleep can be affected by their growth and development and other extenuating circumstances. Health, potty training, teething, changes in routine, travel, caregiver changes, social dynamics during the day, external tension between you and your partner, weather and time changes, all can have an effect on sleep patterns! This resistance to napping can be temporary. 

I urge you to keep your commitment to the daytime nap; it seems your little girl needs it, as much as she resists it. Since you seem to be able to nap with her, that is still one option. You can also keep the nap-time routine, even if she isn't sleeping; lights can be off, curtains drawn, ringers off, and offer zero stimulus; create a culture of daily quiet time, with the aim of sleeping, but the consolation prize of at least a quiet time. Routine is key. Even if your daughter isn't sleeping, take this time as a time of rest for you.

There is also always the car ride, the stroller, or the backpack carrier for an assisted nap. 

I know it can make you feel absolutely crazy inside, helpless, powerless and trapped not to have the nap hour to yourself; the nap becomes the only moment of solitary exhale in your situation, and trust me, I get it!! I urge you to set up a time of respite for yourself on a regular basis; reoccurring in some manner; be it daily or every other day or even weekly; wherein you can leave the house for one hour and replenish. As long as you are feeding your soul during this time; reading, sleeping, writing, painting, walking, dancing, biking, staring out at space, in nature; whatever will offer your spirit renewal; consistency is key.

Also, please check out my Ultimate Parenting Course. I have original interviews with Elizabeth Pantley of No Cry Sleep Solution, and a host of other experts; there is an entire section dedicated to sleep; a handbook with written exercises and text with insights, as well as a video with interview footage. There is over 4 hours of original interviews and insights. I worked tirelessly on this home study course and there is nothing else like it; I was changed as a parent and an educator during the interview process. Here is the link: http://www.UltimateParentingCourse.com

This period of time is temporary!!

All the best,

Jessica

www.LoveParentingLA.com

www.UltimateParentingCourse.com

[JessicaWilliams]

Dear Friend,

Thank you for reaching out. I'm glad my words were helpful for you in the past and thank you for your appreciation; it means a lot to me. 

As to your current situation: firstly, know that you are not alone. Sleep bewilders and overwhelms so many parents and the pure physiological impact of sleep deprivation has a direct effect on your ability to react with calm and composure. Your nerves are frayed and that makes parenting that much more stressful.

Know also, that young people's sleep can be affected by their growth and development and other extenuating circumstances. Health, potty training, teething, changes in routine, travel, caregiver changes, social dynamics during the day, external tension between you and your partner, weather and time changes, all can have an effect on sleep patterns! This resistance to napping can be temporary. 

I urge you to keep your commitment to the daytime nap; it seems your little girl needs it, as much as she resists it. Since you seem to be able to nap with her, that is still one option. You can also keep the nap-time routine, even if she isn't sleeping; lights can be off, curtains drawn, ringers off, and offer zero stimulus; create a culture of daily quiet time, with the aim of sleeping, but the consolation prize of at least a quiet time. Routine is key. Even if your daughter isn't sleeping, take this time as a time of rest for you.

There is also always the car ride, the stroller, or the backpack carrier for an assisted nap. 

I know it can make you feel absolutely crazy inside, helpless, powerless and trapped not to have the nap hour to yourself; the nap becomes the only moment of solitary exhale in your situation, and trust me, I get it!! I urge you to set up a time of respite for yourself on a regular basis; reoccurring in some manner; be it daily or every other day or even weekly; wherein you can leave the house for one hour and replenish. As long as you are feeding your soul during this time; reading, sleeping, writing, painting, walking, dancing, biking, staring out at space, in nature; whatever will offer your spirit renewal; consistency is key.

Also, please check out my Ultimate Parenting Course. I have original interviews with Elizabeth Pantley of No Cry Sleep Solution, and a host of other experts; there is an entire section dedicated to sleep; a handbook with written exercises and text with insights, as well as a video with interview footage. I worked tirelessly on this home study course and there is nothing else like it; I was changed as a parent and an educator during the interview process. Here is the link: http://www.UltimateParentingCourse.com

This period of time is temporary!!

All the best,

Jessica

www.LoveParentingLA.com

www.UltimateParentingCourse.com

[JessicaWilliams]

Dear Friend,

Thank you for reaching out. I'm glad my words were helpful for you in the past and thank you for your appreciation; it means a lot to me. 

As to your current situation: firstly, know that you are not alone. Sleep bewilders and overwhelms so many parents and the pure physiological impact of sleep deprivation has a direct effect on your ability to react with calm and composure. Your nerves are frayed and that makes parenting that much more stressful.

Know also, that young people's sleep can be affected by their growth and development and other extenuating circumstances. Health, potty training, teething, changes in routine, travel, caregiver changes, social dynamics during the day, external tension between you and your partner, weather and time changes, all can have an effect on sleep patterns! This resistance to napping can be temporary. 

I urge you to keep your commitment to the daytime nap; it seems your little girl needs it, as much as she resists it. Since you seem to be able to nap with her, that is still one option. You can also keep the nap-time routine, even if she isn't sleeping; lights can be off, curtains drawn, ringers off, and offer zero stimulus; create a culture of daily quiet time, with the aim of sleeping, but the consolation prize of at least a quiet time. Routine is key. Even if your daughter isn't sleeping, take this time as a time of rest for you.

There is also always the car ride, the stroller, or the backpack carrier for an assisted nap. 

I know it can make you feel absolutely crazy inside, helpless, powerless and trapped not to have the nap hour to yourself; the nap becomes the only moment of solitary exhale in your situation, and trust me, I get it!! I urge you to set up a time of respite for yourself on a regular basis; reoccurring in some manner; be it daily or every other day or even weekly; wherein you can leave the house for one hour and replenish. As long as you are feeding your soul during this time; reading, sleeping, writing, painting, walking, dancing, biking, staring out at space, in nature; whatever will offer your spirit renewal; consistency is key.

Also, please check out my Ultimate Parenting Course. I have original interviews with Elizabeth Pantley of No Cry Sleep Solution, and a host of other experts; there is an entire section dedicated to sleep; a handbook with written exercises and text with insights, as well as a video with interview footage. I worked tirelessly on this home study course and there is nothing else like it; I was changed as a parent and an educator during the interview process. Here is the link: http://www.UltimateParentingCourse.com

This period of time is temporary!!

All the best,

Jessica

www.LoveParentingLA.com

www.UltimateParentingCourse.com