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No babies or toddlers allowed at wedding... - Page 2

Poll Results: Should I go to a "no children allowed" wedding?

  • 36% (18)
  • 14% (7)
    Go and leave your child in "the upstairs room", taking turns with your spouse watching him
  • 48% (24)
    Go and leave your child at home
49 Total Votes  
post #21 of 36

Formal invitation to weddings and what not are labeled the following way:


Mr. and Mrs. Rob Smith

Rob and Mary Smith

Mr. Rob Smith and Ms. Mary Bevins


(two people invited)


The Smith Family


(immediate family invited)


Older, adult-ish kids get their own invitations


You should never assume your kids are included....unless they are. 


As for the OP, they may well have overlooked the inclusion of your toddler on the RSVP until they did seating assignments if they were using them. All sorts of weirdness turns up then.

post #22 of 36

I think this is tough on all counts, but I do agree that it's perfectly fine to have an event without children. But you are not obligated to go, or to feel bad about not going. It's your precious time. What is crappy is that they didn't tell you until 3 days before. 

post #23 of 36
I would get a sitter and go. As someone who has brought a child along to a wedding, it was very difficult to watch him and have a good time. DS was less than 2 at the time.
post #24 of 36

i would tell her it's too last minute to find childcare and decline to go

post #25 of 36

This is one reason i just plain dont enjoy weddings -  i didnt have a wedding and ive been married twice!  When my cousins got married i was expected to travel to another state to attend AND leave my children behind!   I didnt go, my sister, her DH, and her 2 kids all decided to go - we have both caught hell from my Aunt ever since  - my sister for 'ruining Jill's wedding'  and me for 'not caring enough about Jill to attend'  

seriously, i just get hives thinking about upcoming weddings!  LOL - my BIL is about to propose to his live in GF.....*sigh*  maybe they will have a nice looooong engagement! 

post #26 of 36
Originally Posted by TiredX2 View Post

I wouldn't take your little one.  That said--- what an odd cut-off line.  I totally understand the concept of an "adult only" wedding, but five?  You're going to have a lot less disruption from an infant than an unruly 5 year old.  I wonder if there are specific children they are trying to include and this was their way of doing it?  My BIL had no ring bearer at his wedding because his future bride's nephews who were that age were *hellions* and they just didn't want to have them involved (this was explained to us because there were SIX flower girls and my daughter was one but DS wasn't invited--- we didn't care, but he did wear a tux (that he had for the other BIL's wedding that same summer) and they totally included him, lol).

I also think the cut off of age 5 is kinda bizarre. My one friend who did an adult only wedding set her cutoff at 10 or 12 which seems to make more sense to me.


But they can invite whoever they want.

post #27 of 36
Originally Posted by JollyGG View Post

I also think the cut off of age 5 is kinda bizarre. My one friend who did an adult only wedding set her cutoff at 10 or 12 which seems to make more sense to me.


But they can invite whoever they want.


I don't know, I think 5 sounds logical, in that that's around the age many kids start school and are expected to sit still for more than a couple of minutes.  Or it could just be as arbitrary as they have a family member they want to attend who is 5 (maybe the ring bearer or flower girl).

post #28 of 36

I don't look at it as a boycott.  Just something I choose not to attend. 

post #29 of 36

They have the right to set the rules to their wedding. And you should decline if it doesn't fit your famiy/schedule/values/etc.

Personally, I would not go. I dislike most weddings anyway and I would dislike an adults-only wedding even moreso.

I think if you're even asking this question now, there's a good chance you won't enjoy yourself if you did go.

post #30 of 36

When we receive invitations that doesn't specifically indicate the children are invited, I ask. I agree it's the bride/groom decision to have children at their function. While your child might be behaved, there are many children that are not. How can someone know (meaning bride/groom) if everyone's children will behave or be total brats. There are lots of parents who *think* their children are behaved, when they are really brats.


Personally, I would probably not go if my DS was not able to attend.

post #31 of 36

Well, to me, and in my family, that would be considered very rude. But it is her wedding and her right. Just like it's your right to forgo the wedding.

post #32 of 36

Generally, I find weddings to be ridiculously over formalized affairs, with old traditions/language that is archaic now.  For example, while it is true that if the invitation is only addressed to the couple, then the kids aren't invited, where else do we really recognize this tradition? Unless you are super upper class and attend many black tie events, how would you really know?   While it is true that to follow the traditional rules of etiquette, older kids should be invited separately, they should also be addressed as 'master blah blah', right.  Weird language by our standards.


I was married very young, and followed most etiquette rules.  However, if we had been married now, it would be very different.  BUT, it isn't about how you or I would do it!


Agree with the 'her wedding, her rules' sentiment.  However, we would not attend.  DH and I define family differently than the rest of our biological family, and we avoid many activities because they don't jive with our values, or are just to difficult with our family, and we include many very close friends when we talk about family, which bugs the bio-family.  Conflicts like this are pretty natural when we don't actually share values with family.


However, IF I were planning a super formal event, with a family not accustomed to super formal events, I would expect that I would need to be explicit about my expectations.  Putting it in small print on a website isn't exactly Martha Stewart approved.

post #33 of 36

although I personally may (and have) chosen to leave the kids at home esp if it's a super fancy black tie wedding or some other theme I feel would be better suited for it.. if children are explicitly NOT invite. I don't go. Period. Besides the fact that it feels extremely rude, it also assumes I have childcare which frequently I do not.


I wouldn't attend either.

post #34 of 36

OMG - i just got an invitation to my cousins wedding - not out of state - but close!  and the invitation reads " adult only reception to follow' 

check ..."Not Attending"  

post #35 of 36

I think the couple should get the wedding they want to have.  If that means not having to hear young kids screaming during the ceremony and not having to tone down the reception to accommodate small ears then that is what they should get.  I would be inclined to go because it is child free and that is something that I rarely get, I work with kids and I go home and am a mother and that is nice 99% of the time but I am happy to have that 1% when it is just adults so I can relax completely. 


I think you should do what you feel is best for you and your family.  Personally I wouldn't be at all offended and I think you need to make the decision about your comfort level not about them being wrong (because I really don't think they are).

post #36 of 36

Yep, and sometimes that means that they wont have all their family and loved ones there.  i guess you have to choose your priorities

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