I'm a stay at home mom to a 2 year old boy. About 6 months ago I decided I needed more balance in my life. I wanted something that I could do outside of the house a couple days a week, that was fulfilling, other than taking care of my son. I began working on certifications and going to trainings (postpartum doula, infant massage instructor, belly henna art, and belly casting) Now I'm to the point where I'm stuck between deciding on fitting my work into the evenings, after dh gets home from work, or setting up some sort of childcare plan for my son, a few days a week.
To be honest, I feel completely terrified of that. I've never taken my son to daycare or even had anyone watch him besides family or a close friend...(just for a couple hours) and that's barely even happened because we don't live near family. In my head, I know my son will be fine. He's super social and would love hanging out with other kids. ...but in my heart, it just feels so scary. I'm paranoid about bad babysitters, various forms of abuse, that I'm being a bad mom for leaving him when I don't absolutely have to, that I'm going to wish to wish that I stuck with the full time stay at home gig because he'll be grown up so fast, that they won't watch him close enough and he'll get into something dangerous or hurt himself, scared that I or he will feel like I'm abandoning him, and maybe just the sad realization that he's growing up and with time comes more separation. I also remember not liking my babysitters/childcare providers when I was little.
I don't really know what I'm looking for. Maybe some wisdom? Anyone else felt this way and lived to tell about it? :)
So many of my friends have used childcare for their children from an early age, and I feel like I am the only one that feels so hesitant about it, and I'd love to get past it. Thoughts?