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DS incredibly possessive of his best friend.

post #1 of 2
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Hi - I'm wondering if you have any helpful ideas about what we can do with our son who is nearly 3.5y/o.

He has a very close friend who he has know since birth (they were born one day apart) and with whom the connection has always been really extraordinary. They adore one another.

His friend is more extroverted than my son and perhaps a little bit more advanced in terms of emotional/social development but mostly I put that down to her being a girl. I don't think that my son is behind, just that she is advanced.

Anyway, the kids are together at childcare for 2 days per week and increasingly over the past 12 months my son has become really possessive of his friend. He hates it when other children try and play with her and can even lash out violently to keep other kids away. His friend wants to play with these other children. She has many other friends but he only has eyes for her at childcare. We have explained to him that it's good for both of them to have other friends but he tells us that he only wants her. He is definitely a kid who's best one-on-one but in social situations outside of childcare, when she isn't around, he is fine and has other friends of whom he is fond.

We do spend time with this girl's whole family, socially, so they do see each other outside of childcare but we have been limiting it lately because we really don't know how to approach this situation.

We recently went overseas for two weeks and our son pined for his friend. He really missed her. He talks about her all the time. Sometimes it really feels unhealthily obsessive.

Neither family really wants to find a new childcare centre - aside from the fact that it's a great centre, the waiting lists where we live are about 12 months long, but we're starting to wonder if this is the best option.

Any ideas? I would really appreciate any constructive suggestions you might have. Thanks.
post #2 of 2

Just wanted to say that my son has always been extra attatched to one kid in each of his grades. He wasn't in day care, although he didi have one little friend that he was attatched to at that time as well. In pre -school it was one boy, then kindergarten and 1st it was another. I've alwasys figured that he was one to really like one or two friends instead of a big group. He has never been physical, though (about this particular issue) and I figure that he will either out grow it or be one of those people that only needs one or two close friends as an adult. How are the day care staff dealing with it?

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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › The Childhood Years › DS incredibly possessive of his best friend.