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Do you know anyone who is "happy"? - Page 2

post #21 of 48

My husband is a happy person. Not always, but in general his nature is easy going, and he is always willing to see the good in things.

I am sometimes happy- I mean I am very grateful for many things in my life and feel blessed and happy with much that my life gives and who I am- but I have also had some hard things to deal with. And I also see lots of pain in life- and just generally am aware quite often of the not happy things in this world.

I think sometimes it is just a personality thing. SOme people are able to be happier more easily by nature. I find that it helps me to accept that life can be quite hard. That this world can often times be heartbreaking and sad and mean- as well as being wonderful and loving and kind. When I get too overwhelmed with it I find comfort in just acceptng that this world and peoples' lives are challenging, by nature. I find myself irked by people who just think everythign is perfect cause to me clearly it isn't!

I Am always working on trying to find more  and more inner peace. That is always a goal for me. I am pretty  happy generally with things in my life- though as I said I have had some hardships that left me forever changed. But I think being at peace with it- accepting that life is both happy and sad- is a better way for me to go about things. I like happiness, but it comes and goes for me. I would like to feel more calm and happy than I do. I Am really glad my husband generally feels happy so at least he can bring me up a little! I Am happier now than I used to be before I married dh and had ds. But I still struggle with feeling peaceful and calm at times.

post #22 of 48

Genuinely happy or the appearance of happy?  Knowing myself, I don't think I could ever truly identify people who are truly happy.  I'm sure many people say of me:  "Now there's one happy chick!"  Um hum.

 

All the world's a stage, though.  Even the happiest among us struggle with something dark, something sinister.  And again, knowing myself, I think that the people who tend to look and act the happiest may struggle the most with unhappiness, or at least have the hardest time both (1) expressing unhappiness, and (2) admitting to any sort of unhappiness.  Just my personal experience.

 

I tend to think there are personalities who may "go with the flow" more than others.  They may not be truly happy, but they are more resilient and able to weather adversity.  The perpetual downtrodden may lack those skills, and thus they exhibit unhappiness more prominently.  I think it is all in how an individual is able to face the various obstacles thrown their way.  I tend to be more cynical in that I don't think there are any truly happy people out there.  Maybe the saying "ignorance is bliss" has a ring of truth.  Maybe an unfettered, unburdened life without concern or deep thought on any level is a sort of nirvana.  In our world, however, I think that is hard to obtain.  Again, I pretty happy, but I'm pretty cynical too.  How these two elements can co-exist, I don't know.

post #23 of 48
Thread Starter 
These posts are so beautiful, each in their own way...
post #24 of 48
Thread Starter 
I can soooo relate to valuing resilience more than being "sunny" all the time. Yes. Thank you CI Mama.


[quote name="CI Mama" url="s But at this point in my life, I value resilience more than I value being "sunny" all the time. My difficulties and sorrows have given me depth and helped me be a more present and compassionate friend to people also going through hard times. I have to work hard to create joy in my life, and I don't take it for granted.

Bejeweled, it sounds like you have been through a lot. And I sense a lot of "light" in your voice. Sometimes our darkness is there to let the light stand out all the more.
[/quote]
post #25 of 48

This is a really interesting thread. Sometimes I think we need to experience great sorrow and hardship before we can appreciate great joy. The two cannot be separated in this life. I strive for peace more than I do happiness as a steady state.
 

post #26 of 48

im very happy.  Im married to the love of my life, my best friend, we have such a passionate relationship full of laughter.  he gave me DD and now a second baby on the way, im very excited to have another UC and tht i get to spend my life with someone that has the same values as i do. he' such a great stepfather to my boys as well as DD.  he's very nurturing and does a great job being a SAHD.

 

My kids are healthy and smart. they make me laugh everyday.  they are such great kids! 

 

i absolutely have the best  job in the world.  i get 2 weeks paid vacation, sick time, 8 paid holidays a year and i only have to work Mon noon -Wed 4pm.  i get to spend most of my week with my family and when i am at work it's very rewarding.  I enjoy my coworkers who have become a second family to me and the clients i work with are autistic so it's really cool to make a positive difference in their lives.

 

I have a great community of friends, they are so supportive of me and all my choices.  i am grateful to have such wonderful people in my life.  I am looking forward to the fun group trips camping and to the lake.

 

I was severely abused in all ways as a child only to go live with my grandparents when i was 10 who were alcoholics.  I grew up wanting to die every single day.  I never imagined how wonderful my life would be <3

post #27 of 48

I've been moderately to severely sleep deprived for much of the last 15 years, for a variety of reasons (mostly stress, a long time ago - other things more recently). This tends to set off bouts of depression. As I've spent a lot of time clinically depressed, I don't think I could say I'm "happy", exactly, but....I'm not really unhappy, either. After ups and downs with depression for most of my adult (and teen) life, I've kind of learned to ride it out. The bouts are just one of those things. When I'm not in the throes, I'm pretty happy. I think I just have a lot of triggers (anything related to Aaron, some long-term stuff, certain parenting challenges that make me feel severely non-functional, etc.). When my triggers haven't been hit for a bit, I'm pretty happy.

 

I would like to sample life when I'm not exhausted, though. It's getting old.

post #28 of 48

I would describe myself as happy, but I'm not bubbly and effusive all the time. I'm pragmatic and a realist -- I don't walk through like like Pollyanna, but I'm fundamentally happy. I love my husband and children, enjoy my work, feel blessed to have the house, neighbors, friends, and family we have, am content with the way I prioritize my time (carving out family time, couple time, one-on-one time with each kid, and alone time each week), am satisfied that I'm contributing positively to my kids' school environments and my community as a whole, and make sure to spend time demonstrating my love/friendship to the people I care about. 

 

Of course I still experience anxiety, worry, anger, sadness, etc., and I'm really lucky that I don't currently have any external hardships to overcome to reach that content place, but I do make a conscious intention each day to be positive (not delusional, just to land on the positive side of realistic whenever possible), and I do spend time thinking of how I can impact other people in a positive manner, and I think that does make a difference. 

 

I think that doing something for someone else is often the quickest way to get out of your own bad mood. (Not talking about clinical depression here, just run-of-the-mill irritability, impatience, etc.) When I'm grumpy, I seem to spend a lot of time thinking about what other people aren't doing for me, and I find that if I make a kind gesture toward someone, it often comes back to me in spades. 

post #29 of 48

I'm happy.  Perhaps that makes me superficial, but that thought doesn't bother me in the least.  I'm dang lucky, I know it, I enjoy it, and I am grateful every single day.  Life can change in an instant.

post #30 of 48

If I had to divide everyone I know reasonably well into "happy" or "not happy" categories, I'd say about a quarter of them are happy. But those ones have some trouble too.

post #31 of 48

while i dont agree with the 'happy' label i know what you mean. 

 

i know a few who are 'peaceful' people. i know people who have survived all odds and are happy people. i know (and they are my favourite ones) who are 'honest' (for lack of a better word) and can be who they are at that moment. if they are under stress they are rude, without realising they are. 

 

i would like to say i am a happy person too. i think people feel that way about me. i feel bejewelled i have kinda a similar history as you. 

 

but first i recall this one moment in my life where my life was fantastic - and yet i was so .... uhm ... unsatisfied. i was happily married, i was making boku bucks while not working at my kinda job but i loved the people i worked with... i had friends... blah blah blah. but i was so dissatisfied inside. this was happiness? we were planning our family - but i truly wasnt 'happy'. all that 'safeness' felt very boring to me. i was also in school at that time (which i loved). 

 

and then i became pregnant and i quit my position and started working part time. then my marriage floundered. and soon it was irrepairable. i was freaked out of my mind how could i take care of a toddler, work and have no help at all except from x. i had to turn into a WOHM which i hated with every fiber of my being. soon i couldnt even afford my one bedroom. mind u i was so happy being a mother. one thing i discovered - i got depressed if i was home too much alone (even if it was with dd). 

 

then i did a couple of stints of work where i got paid pittance but it was so soul fulfilling and i started living with roommates and my life picked up. i was dirt poor and downsized soooo much. 

 

you would think my inner life would be spiralling out of control, but the poorer i got (and i grew up rich, not just rich, but 'super rich') i discovered my own framily. life worked out and now i can say i am truly at peace. i have more 'satisfied, blissful' moments than i do 'depressed' ones. 

 

however i feel two things have contributed to this. i have been dubbed 'eternally happy' person. that is something about my personality that i cant explain - that even in my lowest moment, i knew i would be ok.

 

the other thing i think made a huge difference was my upbringing. i grew up in a very loving 'not lacking in anything' family. i have been soooo close to homeless these days, but i have never been. stress over money has never been a factor. in fact when i had it yes it was. i was such a conservative. but now i have learnt to live with lack and becuase i have downsized so much i find i actually get to do what i want to do. hang out with dd, volunteer, work trade. i dont worry i dont have retirement. i dont worry dd doesnt have a college fund. all i know is that i have to do what i am doing now to support dd fully emotionally so that she is set up for life. i feel she doesnt need money from me. she needs my love and time and support while she struggles through life. 

 

i feel like now i am truly living. all this while i wasnt. however that also could be a combination of crossing 40 and losing all fears and inhibitions. the only thing i am still scared about is singing solo in public. but apart from that i am so over all my other fears. plus i have the guts to live the way i want to live, to do things the way i want to.

 

however i also dont feel 'alone'. i enjoy my time with myself and i dont feel the lack of partner. for me a good trusted friend is more important than a partner. i dont hanker for a date. instead i enjoy hiking with my friends. i think too though i have become VERY fussy about dates and most of them dont meet up to my own level (not in a condescending way but just reality coz i dont enjoy the usual things in life, so in a sense i feel like a freak). what is interesting is since i was a little girl i always wanted to be a mommy, never really dreamt about being married or life with a husband. 

 

so yeah i do feel happy. and i know others see that too because when my friends go through a tough time they always hang out with me. 

 

so what i am saying is i dont feel a lack.  

post #32 of 48

i am happy. :) 

 

everyone experiences stresses, difficulties, etc.  I think those things don't preclude happiness-it really depends on how they're approached.  If they rule your life, it's hard to be happy.  But if they are viewed as experiences, and not internalized that deeply, they are just "stuff", and happiness is possible in spite of them.

post #33 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharlla View Post

im very happy.  Im married to the love of my life, my best friend, we have such a passionate relationship full of laughter.  he gave me DD and now a second baby on the way, im very excited to have another UC and tht i get to spend my life with someone that has the same values as i do. he' such a great stepfather to my boys as well as DD.  he's very nurturing and does a great job being a SAHD.

 

My kids are healthy and smart. they make me laugh everyday.  they are such great kids! 

 

i absolutely have the best  job in the world.  i get 2 weeks paid vacation, sick time, 8 paid holidays a year and i only have to work Mon noon -Wed 4pm.  i get to spend most of my week with my family and when i am at work it's very rewarding.  I enjoy my coworkers who have become a second family to me and the clients i work with are autistic so it's really cool to make a positive difference in their lives.

 

I have a great community of friends, they are so supportive of me and all my choices.  i am grateful to have such wonderful people in my life.  I am looking forward to the fun group trips camping and to the lake.

 

I was severely abused in all ways as a child only to go live with my grandparents when i was 10 who were alcoholics.  I grew up wanting to die every single day.  I never imagined how wonderful my life would be <3

yeahthat.gif  First, let me say, I am so very sorry your childhood was so awful - but as someone whose own childhood was marked by alcoholism and abuse, I have to agree with you wholeheartedly!

 

I wake up every day feeling like I won the lottery - I look around me and can't BELIEVE the abundance of blessings, love and joy in my life.  Who knew?  Who knew that the world *isn't* just a dark, evil, horrifying place?  Certainly not me.  Who knew that I would even live to see this beauty?  Not me.  In fact, I struggle a bit more with accepting that this *is* my life.  I struggle with not constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to smash this life to pieces.  I struggle with accepting that life can be so good! luxlove.gif  

 

Let me tell ya - we are not rolling in the dough - I have not fulfilled my often praised "academic potential" to take on the world. eyesroll.gif I am "just" a SAHM - but I am in love with it - and I am able to stay home with our son because we have made alot of sacrifices.  But the key to me is living an authentic life.  The more my life reflects my internal values, talents, priorities, passions - the happier I am, regardless of stressors.  Sometimes this means reading up on unschooling for DS, cooking a meal with food from our veggie garden, writing in a journal, painting, listening to jazz/bluegrass/whatever makes me happy, going to see friends, handwork, cleaning with DS, washing cloth diapers, spending time outside or at the river - or even just a few minutes brushing up on my French, studying Russian literature, etc.  

 

My heart is busting with love for DH and DS, love that pretty easily smoothes over the rough patches.  I work hard at my marriage, and I am so so so grateful to have a partner that inspires me - that I adore and respect - who shares my values for our family.  I try to look at things positively - live in the moment - not get hung up on material things.  Not dwell on things and get stuck in a negative groove (i..e., the difference between pain and suffering).  I absolutely agree with the PP who mentioned that, unfortunately, this seems like all some women want to talk about... shrug.gif

 

Lastly, the real kicker for me is to live a life everyday that if 7 year old me were to peek in, she would approve!  thumb.gif

post #34 of 48

Happy= Yes!

 

Do I live in the lap of luxury, am I a perfect size 6 with a huge closet of amazing stuff with 2 perfect children and a perfect husband and we drive two perfect cars that cost a fortune?

No.

 

But I have a wonderful husband, 2 wonderful children who like their parents before them, make mistakes and learn from them. The other day, I swear I was saying Merry Christmas, but really it was close to 6 months ago, as I realized at the Memorial Day parade. We have had an action packed 6 plus months with many ups and many downs with the busy that crept into our life for a bit. Our life has been hectic. But know what? I am happy right now which makes this craziness more doable. Go figure

post #35 of 48

I am happy, inwardly, but I sometimes have a hard time letting my happiness "exude" like you say, because I am definitely stressed and worried.

 

My MIL is HAPPY. My MIL has been happy since the day I met her 10 years ago and gets happier all the time. She was a SAHM of my DH and BIL (now 27 & 29) and is now an empty nester homemaker, grandma, and exercise extraordinaire. I can't think of anything my MIL doesn't like to try. She runs marathons, she does triathilons, she loves camping and biking on the mountains, kayaking and swimming, she love love loves my kiddos and my niece. She loves her friends at the gym and her friends at the laundromat (yeah, she is never buying a washing/drying machine or a dishwasher... ) She also has well water and is probably technically poor. All of the above mentioned activities are done SERIOUSLY low dollar... thrift store clothes, craigslist camper, food grown and made from scratch. She is 47 and married my FIL at 18. She is by far the happiest person I've ever known in my life and both me and my SIL view her as a hero/model. I hope I can achieve the sort of inner calm she has. She isn't living life to win, she's just living it to live and to love. 

post #36 of 48

I love my life--now, that is....

 

I've always known what I wanted, more or less. I wanted to be my own boss, make up my own schedule, live my life the way I wanted, etc. Freedom is important to me. So, being a child, going to school, living according to someone else's schedule.....ugh, those were the most unhapy days of my life!

 

Now, I feel very blessed. I have the best husband and children. I live where I want, how I want, and my hobby is my career. If it sounds like I'm bragging, well, I am a little. But, this has been years--decades--in the making. I'm 31, so,  I've lived through approx. 26 years of not-so-happy times.26 years of work to get to the point where I finally began to feel whole, happy, content. (I was 26 when I moved to my current house, where everything finally fell into place. It keeps getting better and better! I honestly thank God every day, several times a day, for all I have.)

 

Some people are happy, but it might be conditional. My happiness is conditional for sure. I don't know how happy I would be if my life were to drastically change. That's why I am so thankful each day, because I never know when it might change.

post #37 of 48

I'm mostly content, and sometimes quite joyful. "These are the Good Old Days", as my late step-dad used to say. :)

 

At the same time, I know that it is transitory. That's the nature of attachment. But, I'm not unhappy now, knowing I will be grieving in the future.

 

But, that said, I think that happiness isn't the point. Instead, I try to do things that help me feel engaged, useful, helpful, and peaceful.  So, sometimes that means being busy and accomplishing things: doing my paid-for work; cooking supper; folding clothes w/ the family. Other times that means lying on a bed reading a book, or staring out the window at the trees.

post #38 of 48
Thread Starter 
So beautifully said. Yes, content is what I strive to be. It is all transitory. I remember a quote that says something like You should hold life like you hold a butterfly in your hand. Gratefully and Gently, for you know that it can soon depart.


Quote:
Originally Posted by skreader View Post

I'm mostly content, and sometimes quite joyful. "These are the Good Old Days", as my late step-dad used to say. smile.gif

At the same time, I know that it is transitory. That's the nature of attachment. But, I'm not unhappy now, knowing I will be grieving in the future.

But, that said, I think that happiness isn't the point. Instead, I try to do things that help me feel engaged, useful, helpful, and peaceful.  So, sometimes that means being busy and accomplishing things: doing my paid-for work; cooking supper; folding clothes w/ the family. Other times that means lying on a bed reading a book, or staring out the window at the trees.
post #39 of 48

Attachment and happiness...hadn't really thought about that. DS1 is 19. He's still living at home, but his focus isn't here, anymore. I'm enjoying the last couple of years of having him here, as I'm sure he'll be gone very quickly once he finishes school (three year acting program, and he has two years left). But, I'll be happy when he leaves, too. Actually, it makes me very happy to watch him start to launch. I know I screwed up a lot of little things in his life, and one big thing (by choosing the father for him that I did), but I didn't screw up too badly, overall, and that's a nice feeling.

 

I love being able to stay home with the kids, but I don't expect to be less happy when they leave. Life will be different, but not miserable. I'll lose the spontaneous hugs, cuddles and moments of watching them accomplish something new, or light up with a new discovery...but I'll also lose the sleep deprivation, having to cancel plans because one of the kids is sick, not being able to keep order, because dd1 puts things away and dd2 pulls them out, etc. etc. And, I'll get more one-on-one time with my wonderful dh, which is gold.

post #40 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

But, I'll be happy when he leaves, too. Actually, it makes me very happy to watch him start to launch. I know I screwed up a lot of little things in his life, and one big thing (by choosing the father for him that I did), but I didn't screw up too badly, overall, and that's a nice feeling.

 

I love being able to stay home with the kids, but I don't expect to be less happy when they leave.

 

We have so much in common. My kids are 14 and 15, and I'm loving watching them go out into the world in little ways. I'm happy to see how they are turning out -- they are such cool people.

 

I've made my share of mistakes too, but overall didn't screw up too badly. I feel very mellow about -- neither smug about some false sense of perfection nor inferior over a sense of having failed. This is just life. This is raising kids. It's messy. It's difficult. It's beautiful. It's amazing. And I'm grateful for each day that I've had with my children. 

 

Yet, I don't expect to be less happy when they leave. That's a different chapter, and in some ways I'm ready for a different chapter. I'm thinking about what I want that chapter to be like. My relationship with my husband is solid, we are happy together. I think I want a whole new career  and I'm trying to figure out what.

 

I do find it easier to be happier that this stage of parenting that I did when they were little. This is so much easier. I always get enough sleep. They are really nice to talk to. I feel so much more relaxed.

 

I also spent chunks of my childhood wanting to die. I used to sit very still and image that I could just mesh into a piece of furniture, completely vanish never to return. My life now is so sweet. I did have to spend part of my adulthood learning HOW to be happy. It wasn't natural for me -- to just relax and see all the good things in my life, to enjoy being here, being alive. But, I'm in my late 40's and I did finally figure it out. I am authentically at peace with my life, content, and quite often happy with a big smile.

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