A Sane 2ww - Page 3

[newtoTTC]

Originally Posted by zenquaker 

newtoTTC, I like your plan. I haven't figured out how to stay away from FF yet! How do you record your temps without glaring at the chart? I guess I have the iPod app so technically I COULD temp without looking at my chart. I like your idea, though. Even though AF has started for me my temps haven't dropped and even though that happens for lots of people, I allowed it to start my google train. So not helpful.

I have been recording my temps on paper and then I can just plug them all in at once.  Also, if I do plug them in sometimes I open the internet window very small so I can see the calendar but not the grid, so tempting to look!  

I am 5 dpo, which is usually when I start to stress the most.  I have been gardening and baking and trying to keep busy so that there just isnt time to stress.  I find baking very soothing, even if I don't eat what I make.  I really like taking care of people (which is probably part of why I so want to be a mom) so I am trying to find other outlets for that.  so far so good?!  

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Hello, everybody! I made it through my end-of-semester performances. Tonight's was especially great, and I had lots of parents afterward tell me how amazed they were. Many were ready to sign their kids up for summer and even next fall's semester, which hasn't even been planned yet! So, I'm trying to focus on that now and not stress about other work related stuff.

In TTC-land, things have not been super great. We've only bd-ed twice (CDs 7 & 8). I'm on CD11, which should be no big deal except dh just went out of town and won't be back until probably Sunday.I think I also felt mittelschmertz (sp? pains this evening which should mean O is just around the corner. We want to try for a girl, so I think the idea is to bd alot before the two days before O. And to confound it all, I forgot to temp this morning. I will try an OPK later this evening. The last  two days dh was home I really tried to lay on the seduction, but he was totally exhausted from a giant landscaping project and not into it.His attitude seems to be "It'll happen, or it won't," which kind of drives me crazy because it won't happen if we don't have sex- that's not really leaving it up to chance. I may visit him Friday night at his hotel (it's a couple of hours from here), but I really don't want to spend the time driving, gas $, babysitting favor, and time away from our son if it's not conducive to TTC for a girl...

So, there's a lot about what I want. No, it's not very zen of me. The parts of TTC that I thought would be difficult all had to do with taking better care of myself: cutting alcohol and caffeine, getting regular exercise, yoga, etc. I didn't expect the bd-ing part to be so tricky. That's the part I was really looking forward to.

Boo.

Time to eat chocolate and take a shower. Maybe read some Christopher Moore...

[dakipode]

ClumsySugarPlum, sounds like you and your students did well! I hear you on DH being a little "laissez faire" and I get frustrated with mine too. I think he expects us to wake up one morning and look into each other's eyes, fall madly in love again and out of that our love child will be born...

newtoTTC, I love baking! I found this awesome recipe online for "almost Starbucks blueberry oat bars", yummm! I plan on making some either today or tomorrow.

AFM, I feel like AF will be here today or tomorrow, temp dipped this morning and I almost started crying right there. Caught myself before I could get too dramatic. That is definitely part of the trying to stay sane as well, not get so caught up in the drama when it's clear AF is here... I might try to journal a bit later today and write out all my fears and hopes and then burn it (will have to think of where, don't want to set the backyard on fire...) I also feel like it would be really helpful to have some sort of closure talk with DH, we'll see if he's in the mood for talking.

It seems so easy to let myself get sucked into the temporary depression that always follows the 2ww. I'm focusing on staying positive and definitely planning on getting that mocha when after AF's arrival! But yes, I agree with you, zenquaker, I'd like to discuss more ideas for staying drama free during AF time as well.

Oh, and btw, I chart on paper. Do you gals find that using FF or the TCOYF online program makes a big difference?

[zenquaker]

Dakipode, I think it's OK, and even healthy to let yourself feel the emotions when AF comes. For me, I just need to remember to wait until I KNOW that AF is here before I let myself mentally go to that place. I've been in a bit of turmoil for the last few days because I thought AF was on the ways because of spotting but my temps were staying up. They were down this a.m. so I'm assuming it's over. It would probably be better to wait until I have full, serious AF.

Really, though, I don't think it's about controlling our emotions but intentionally creating the conditions for a stable and healthy response to what's going on. Still, I do see the difference btwn "drama" and just straight grief.

Ladies, I love baking, too! I do it the winter, mostly, so right now my distractions are mostly outside Except for rainy days, which are perfect for muffins.

[Chloe'sMama]

Have not posted, but have been thinking about you ladies all week. I think I am 7 dpo, which is when I start testing normally. I gave all my tests to dh and can not get them until next Thursday at 14 dpo which will be 3 days after af is due. I guess af will show or I will know before I even test. I am trying to remind myself to take deep breaths every time I start feeling anxious. Thank you thank you thank you for helping me center myself.

[zenquaker]

Welcome, Chloe'sMama! I like your strategy of giving all your tests to your man for safekeeping. I have had good luck just not buying them. The other day I caved and pulled into the Dollar Tree parking lot only to find that it had permanently closed! What a sign Of course b/c of my wacky first cycle on Clomid I was getting mixed signals and I did end up testing, but not until 13 dpo, which is a day past my normal LP.

Now I'm sitting nervously awaiting my phone interview in 15 minutes. Yikes!

[sweetlowmom]

Hi all,

This is actually my first post on any mothering forum (i've been a lurker for a long time) - I just had to say thanks. What an amazing way to look at the 2ww. I have one DS, 3.5 years old, and this past year have had 2 m/c (3 if you count chemicals ...). This month has been particularly difficult for me in the 2ww and I came on here looking for some sort of solace ... and found this thread. I'm hoping I can incorporate some of the ideas for the rest of the wait this time around, and for all of those that await me in the future ... I find it sad that so very much of my time every month is dedicated to a rather ineffective obsession, when I could be creating/dreaming/relaxing/meditating on it all. Hard though, but hopefully I can make baby steps in a more healthy direction! (or maybe just an acceptance of the "need" to give myself some time to obsess). Anyway! Good luck to all :)

[Adaline'sMama]

Chloe'smama- We are O buddies! I took a test today Totally ashamed. I know I need to cut back on my caffeine intake and not smoke cigarettes at all, but Im waiting for that pink line to quit. Ive done it successfully the past two times as soon as I got a +, but Im an early tester for sure. I dont want to waste a bunch of money, but if I gave mine to DH I'd just go by some more. There are 88 cent tests at walmart in the 88cent section. Im going to go buy some and save me Answers until after 12 dpo.

Hey Clomid ladies, I have a friend that is thinking about it, but is unsure of costs since she doesnt have insurance. Any ideas?

[writinglove]

zen, count me in. i started the 2ww about 2-6 days ago (big window -- this much, i know) . . . weird temps, hard lines to read on OPK, cervical mucus that didn't match up with OPK, and now a yeast infection. i'm doing ok with the non-obsessing thing, but would love buddies to help me along the way. my husband has banned opks from my house. this is a good thing.


And here's a great website for some desk-side meditations: calm.com
you can pick from 2 to 10 minute meditations. or just listen to calming sounds.


oooommmmmmm . . . .

[zenquaker]

Welcome sweetlowmom, Adaline'sMama, and writinglove! Glad you're here, and look forward to hearing about your stories and hearing your ideas of getting through your 2ww (and everything else) mindfully. Adaline'sMama, if you look in the Fertility forum and some in the Infertility you'll find plenty of ladies with experience w/Clomid that can answer your questions :) writinglove, what would happen if you were to let each temp just be a temp and not worry about a pattern until the end of your cycle? Some ladies here are either charting on paper or just writing down temps. I look at my chart once per day and will myself not to look after that. sweetlowmom, I'm so sorry about your m/cs. It makes everything harder, doesn't it?

I am all over the place in my menstrual phase. I thought I would be able to form some kind of coherent way of getting through this phase (hence the one-thing-I-can't-have-while-pregnant-a-day thing) but as it turns out I may need some way of thinking about that is more comprehensive, encompassing, spiritual? I dunno. My son and I had a cry today because all we both want are more kids in the house. It was a good moment for us as a family, but still, we're sad! We feel too small, you know?  Maybe this phase is just about letting the sadness be. I mean, it is a real disappointment. And I spent the 2ww strategically not letting that in because it wasn't the right time. My body is shedding, purging. It may be a time of psychic purging as well. That isn't as pretty or serene as the 2ww zen, but may be necessary, at least for me.

ClumsySugarPlum, yeah, the bd'ing stage can be so stressful. So hard to focus on the LOVE you have for one another, the enjoyment you find when you are intimate. So what works for not obsessing in that stage?? What have others found helps re-focus the energy on connection? Are there some rituals we could employ? thoughts?

[maydaymom10]

AFM, I feel like AF will be here today or tomorrow, temp dipped this morning and I almost started crying right there. Caught myself before I could get too dramatic. That is definitely part of the trying to stay sane as well, not get so caught up in the drama when it's clear AF is here... I might try to journal a bit later today and write out all my fears and hopes and then burn it (will have to think of where, don't want to set the backyard on fire...) I also feel like it would be really helpful to have some sort of closure talk with DH, we'll see if he's in the mood for talking.

dakipode - I totally understand where you're coming from here. I also get the feeling of dread when I see the temp dip. But... right before I got my bfp with ds I had a major dip. I was moody and stressed and pissed because I knew that AF would show up the next day. I went to be early that night because I was so emotional. The next day I took a test just for the heck of us (I had tested negative the 3 days before), and sure enough I got the bfp! So, this time ttc, I try to keep my hopes up until I know that AF is here for sure. Hang in there!

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

Chloe'smama- We are O buddies! I took a test today Totally ashamed. I know I need to cut back on my caffeine intake and not smoke cigarettes at all, but Im waiting for that pink line to quit. Ive done it successfully the past two times as soon as I got a +, but Im an early tester for sure. I dont want to waste a bunch of money, but if I gave mine to DH I'd just go by some more. There are 88 cent tests at walmart in the 88cent section. Im going to go buy some and save me Answers until after 12 dpo.
Hey Clomid ladies, I have a friend that is thinking about it, but is unsure of costs since she doesnt have insurance. Any ideas?

Adaline'sMama  & Chloe's Mama - I'm also O buddies with you!! I'm 7 dpo today as well. I had the biggest urge to poas today, but I'm resisting. I'm know I'll fall into the pattern if I break it out too soon. Also, Adaline'sMama - I heard you on feeling guilty about indulging in the "bad" stuff. With the end of my school year happening, I have to admit I haven't been too good about abstaining from wine. I'm not going overboard, but still. I also was able to quit cold turkey last time as soon as I got the pink line (both alcohol & caffeine) and I'm not worried about it this time. But, I'm also watching my chart and am planning to stop as soon as I see even the hint of an implantation dip. If I don't get the bfp this month, I'm really going to try focusing on abstaining from anything during the 2ww from now on. I'm hoping that the lower stress will help in this.

AFM - I'm officially done with work and looking forward to the next chapter. Yay! But I also know my new down time will come with temptation to chart-stalk and poas. I'm hoping that I can hold off past dpo 10 at least -- dpo 13 would be better. We're having my ds birthday party this weekend, so I'm hoping that the next few days of cleaning and preparing for that will keep my mind off other things. We'll see. 

[dakipode]

maydaymom10, thanks for the encouraging words.

AF actually arrived mid-morning. My cycles may be all over the place but my temps seem to be dead on as far as O and AF arrival are concerned, so that's something to be grateful for, it gives me a little bit of security. And, on the bright side, I did not need to use any of the 50 internet cheapies I bought last month

I was able to stay focused and positive today. After squashing the urge to cry this morning I did end up making my blueberry oat bars and they came out just as good as ever! I worked on the baby kimono I'm making for my friend's shower this weekend and made good progress. I had my mocha. I was able to bring up the subject of fertility testing with DH in a brief, non-dramatic way. Overall I declare to day a success!

I am ready for the next opportunity. The challenge now is how to stay sane in my 3ww to O... Can I just hang out here? And yes, how to stay loving and intimate and connected with DH without obsessing and making him feel like a means to an end.

So glad to be here and so glad to see many other ladies join!

[nattery]

Hi Everyone! I haven't been very active online this week... so much going on in my 'real' world. So nice to see other teachers on here! Yay someone else to understand my insanity! We're in the 'end of school' zone AND this week is a school wide play so all that extra practice etc has been keeping me busy. Also, while biking to work last week someone threw a kitten out of a car onto the road. I assumed it was dead because of the way it laid on the ground and didn't move but as I got closer I realized it was alive (barely)... so I've been nursing car cat back to health all week in between the rest of the craziness that is my life. Suffice to say I've had a lot of distraction from the online world and world of temping / charting. I don't even know what cycle day I'm on. It's kinda nice! ;)

I have dropped in and checked out everyone's thread from time to time and I will say WOW! Just reading this thread gives me a sense of calm and centering. Is it bad to say I don't even read the other threads right now? I've noticed that when I do I come away with a sense of alarm or worry about where I'm at cycle wise, bd'ing timing, symptoms, etc etc). I love all the ideas floating around... creating, exercising, baking (oh god I can't wait to be back in Canada and have an oven again!)

I've made it my personal goal to do Yoga every morning since AF (about a week) and so far I've been very successful! Sometimes doing it more than once in a day. I'm focusing on strength and flexibility in arms legs and core.

well duty calls! Thank you for everyone's contributions. I suspect I will become more active shortly, but for now I must go deal with car cat hanging off my curtains!

[zenquaker]

So glad to hear about y'all finding ways to stay centered and balanced during you whole cycles. I am learning so much! Starting this thread was the best thing I could have done for myself. You are all wonderful teachers, even if that's not what you do for a living.

I had an idea this morning. I think I am going to start making care packages for myself for each stage: AF, bd'ing, 2ww ( maybe split into two), and a package each for the start of AF/positive HPT. Then there would be a clear transition with something to look forward to. Here are my thoughts so far for what to put in them:

AF: chocolate!

Bd'ing: tequila, sexy lit

2ww: small sewing project

And for each package, short daily meditations

So what would you put in your packages?

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Oooo! Care packages! Great idea, Zenquaker. In thinking of ritual to bring the love back into lovemaking, which is what I should think of it as, not bd-ing, I was really hoping to make tonight a date night with dh. He is out of town for work, so I have been watching my chart and doing OPKs to see when I will O. So far, the two OPKs have been negative, but my temp leapt up this morning, so now I'm not sure. I'm planning on testing this afternoon after school, and if it is negative I'll drive to see him and spend the night. If it's positive, I won't because we're trying for a girl. My negative scenario includes new massage oil I just bought and swimming. My positive scenario includes going to a friend's birthday party and probably a beer. I hate not knowing the whole day though. I only have one OPk left, though, and I think afternoon is supposed to be the  best time to test for LH. I guess I'l just try to assume it's negative so I can fantasize all day about a fun date night. I woke up with a slight headache and some sniffles, so maybe the temp rise was due to something else. And the obsessing continues...

[writinglove]

I love the idea of applying this philosophy throughout my cycle. Last month I managed to get so stressed about TTC that I ovulated 5 days later than I normally do.

It's funny. I'm starting wisteria seeds in my kitchen in a moist paper towel. I know that if I obsessively check on them, I'm likely going to disturb them and they won't grow. However, I have trouble applying that knowledge to nurturing myself during my fertility window and the TWW. Last cycle I was so obsessive about checking my cervix's position and my CM, combined with BDing all the time, that I ended up with a raging yeast infection.

My DS was stillborn in December, so I do have compassion for my obsessiveness. Frankly, I want a baby now. But I'd like to make a shift. Thanks all for creating the space to help make it happen.

[nattery]

Care packages! hmmm If I were to make care packages for myself they would include:

AF: time allocated out of my busy schedule to rest and take time for myself to be comfortable and meditative. I spent a lot of time with and being a part of some Native American ceremonies and what I've taken away from that is that 'Moon time' is a very powerful and reflective time for women, and that it is a time when we are at our most creative and 'connected' so I always try to put aside some 'me' time and give myself permission to have strong emotions/ feelings and time outside of the everyday material world. I am lucky in the sense where my AF tends to usually fall on a Friday / Saturday so it is easy to have time but it's not unheard of that I will take a day off work if I have to. Also I would include some 'junk' food such as giving myself permission to eat a little bit of food I wouldn't usually (pizza for instance) or wine or chocolate. Also because China is so CHEAP I can afford to go for nice long massages... and I do! I also like to look back and meditate on lessons learned, goals for myself, being grateful for what lessons have come that month.

Waiting to O' : allocate time for LOTS of exercise! I keep envisioning that soon I might not have all the time in the world to exercise when I want and I always envision building up my body the best it can be for ME and consequently for whichever little soul might come along down the road. This is a "ME" time period in the sense where this is my time to go out with friends to the bars if i want, dance crazy, think about my career. I researched courses to further my career (workshops etc) I must admit that my partner and I make love very often all cycle and it never feels like 'b'ding" or scheduled or planned but he is aware when I am getting close to O and I appreciate that extra sense of excitement and connection in the air. I set aside a bit more time for laying in bed in the mornings, and just enjoying being around each other. Part of this care package might include a date night out, NOT having something scheduled on the weekend so we can have a lazy 'lie about bed" day.

2WW: This is the part I struggle with. I think I am going to fill myself with projects projects projects. In the past when I've had to wait (waiting for my partner's training to be over so we could be reunited after 3 months, etc) I've created a project to fill the time. Every time I've missed him I could work on a very specific project (it has to be a specfic project connected to my wait, for instance while I waited for my partner I made him an afgan of the world tree and I envisioned putting my 'missing him' energy into something that would be given to him when we were reunited and the visions I had for us in the future (such as a world/ family tree)). I might start a baby blanket or something connected to this to work on OR smaller baby projects so like a toy to complete in two weeks or a small sweater... etc. Also I'm learning POI and I think I'm going to work harder at putting at least 10 minutes aside for it everyday. perhaps when I'm feeling flustered or anxious about testing  I will go outside and spin the poi, and spin that energy away.

A lot of my care packages involving TIME giving myself TIME out of my crazy schedule.

Thanks for asking this question! It helped me to make some commitments to myself a little more concrete! Plus I'm very excited to hear what other people's ideas are so that I might steal them!

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Well, the OPK was negative, so dh and I did get to have out-of-town date night! So, I think I am entering the 2ww stage now as he won't be back until Tuesday. In terms of keeping my sanity... I have a lot of work projects. I am teaching four different drama classes this summer, so I need to start preparing for those. I'm lucky that my job lets me be so creative; I think it helps my Qi or Prana or whatever. Still doing some reading regarding that. Also I'm looking for a more permanent job with our school district. My  position was only budgeted for this school year, and after Friday I will be significantly underemployed. Lots of job applications to complete. DS will also keep me busy. We had a fantastic trip to this little farm today. And I've just started Sacre Bleu by Christophher Moore, so my daydreams will be in 1880s Paris. Hope everyone is finding peace of mind/ heart as well!

[maydaymom10]

Oh, I was doing so well. But I caved. My temps dropped this morning (below coverline) which kind of freaked me out. My temps usually dip, but closer to day 27/28 of my cycle & today is day 25 & I'm dpo 10. That combined with the weird pregnancy dreams got the best of me. I broke down and tested & got a bfn. Still, not surprised. I'm trying to keep my head about me, but it's going to be a tough day of anticipation to see if my temps rise again tomorrow, or if it's a really early AF visit for me. Breathe... Maybe I can get to a yoga class today to keep me balanced. For now, I'll ease my anxiety by indulging in a couple of breakfast burritos 

[zenquaker]

Oh, maydaymom! I'm sorry you got a disappointment. It's a good reminder, though, that a temp is a temp is a temp. Just that. There's no way to see that a single temp was an implantation dip or start of a triphasic chart, etc. until it's all over. I had that problem this cycle, too, and tested right before AF came to tell me it was over anyway. I personally think I have to wait until my body TELLS me, in no uncertain terms, that I'm knocked up before I start testing. It seems like we need something different in the last few days of the 2ww, doesn't it? Like, isn't this really the most challenging time, given that pregnancy symptoms and PMS overlap, and that our temps often do wacky things? I wonder what we could do to make it more bearable? I mean, if we can't stop being crazy, what could we put in the place of testing and obsessing? That's why I was thinking of TWO different care packages for the 2ww, one for the first week and one for the second.

Clumsysugarplum, how cool that you have a creative job! I want one of those, too :) My current job has its occasional delights but is not a good match to my particular talents or education. There is too much time for my mind to obsess. I'm glad you have some projects going. I love that engaging in projects can be a reminder that we ARE creating and nurturing life all the time. Also, yay for date night! That sounded fun.

nattery, I was thinking of concrete care packages, but I like your more conceptual version of it. So much of it is about reallocating our time. What things can we differently with our time to better nurture ourselves?

writinglove, I'm so sorry you lost your dear son. I can't imagine the pain you went through and are still experiencing. I'm sure it puts extra stress and pressure on ttc. Is there anything we all can do to help you get through each cycle? Sending you a virtual hug.