A Sane 2ww - Page 5

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Oh! One more thing! I'm really enjoying Sacre Bleu by Christopher Moore. The plot bounces back and forth in time.  Very refreshing!

[nattery]

Hello Everyone! I have been following posts (daily!) but have felt too busy or too unmotivated to write (mostly I don't feel like I had anything to contribute). I'm really enjoying following people's insights, growth and feelings on their respective journeys. Sorry to those who experienced sadness (either due to a bad day, AF, or stress at work). I love the idea of sharing some book! I'm checking out goodreads.com as we speak!

I *think* I O'd yesterday (although I thought I would O today) so I feel bummed that 'timing' was off BUT let that thought sit in my head for about a moment and then blew it away (Thanks zenquaker for that idea!) I'm feeling very chilled about where I am. So much is going on I think things are going to zoom by. I also feel good about conceiving or not conceiving this month. Pros: Yay Baby time! getting our family going, knowing that I don't have fertility issues, getting a move on with pregnancy and moving onto next steps... But there are also some pros of not conceiving this month (I don't really want to call them cons of being pregnant: yay I can go to parties with friends one last time in the dirty smokey Chinese bars before I leave here! Not worrying so much about trying out questionable street food one last time, more time to do some harder exercises (I'm doing at least an hour of yoga a day on average plus 40 minutes of biking to and from work), not puking on the 18 hour plane ride home! I can have one heck of a rocking party when I get back to Canada with my friends!

My new strategy is to blame every symptom on questionable Chinese food and not test until AF is due. Also my goal for the new few weeks is to eat healthier than I ever have before. I mean, I already eat fairly healthy but I'm going to aim for at least 1-2 raw meals a day (fruits and veggies), no wheat (bungs me up... sorry if tmi) and be more vegan than vegetarian (dairy, and eggs screws with my system). The last few days I've really enjoyed seeing the progress of my new body... more flexible and stronger then I have been in a long time (or ever for that matter). I am in the mind set that either way... awesome things are happening in my future. The only problem is still not knowing what that future will be for the next two weeks.

I think I will be more active here as my mind turns more to the possibility of conception. See everyone around! Thanks for being such a humourous and endearing lovely group!
 

[newtoTTC]

ClumsySugarPlum I am sorry you are having a rough time.  I know it is hard to "fail" at something that seems like it comes so easily to others when you are TTC and then to have other life stressors on top of it.  I was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, which came as a complete shock considering I am young, active, eat relatively healthy (though slightly overweight) and have no diabetes in my family.  I definitely took it as a personal blow, almost embarrassing, as if I did not take good enough care of my body.  I have started to realize that when it comes to my body I really am not in full control.  All I can do is nurture it the best I can and then try to be at peace with it, easier said than done I know.  Hopefully you can feel rested and rejuvenated this summer with a break from the stresses of work.  

My new technique for distraction is to do things that are complicated enough to distract me.  I have started to go to yoga a few times a week, and I am pretty much a yoga newbie so I spend the entire hour trying to figure out exactly how to make my body do what the instructor is doing!  I have also been knitting, and trying to make more complicated patterns.  I feel stronger after the yoga, and I have a finished product when I am done knitting, so I feel productive in addition to a little more relaxed.  I have also been trying to remember that no matter how it happens, I will have a family.  I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, I babysat from the second I was old enough, I have always been the one holding the baby at any given event, I even studied child development in college.  My husband and I talked before we were even engaged about the fact that we would have children, no matter what direction that took us.  We may not be getting there as quickly as we would like but whether we get pregnant or we have to go out and find our child, we will have children.  I have been thinking that for all of us here, how lucky are our future children to have mothers who want them so badly.  They are lucky to have us, even before they are here!

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Thanks, newtoTTC. I'm feeling much better lately. I can only imagine what a shock the diabetes news must have been. I don't know a lot about diabetes, but I imagine that could put a kink in your ttc plans. I hope things go smoothly for you.

I am still glowing after a very interesting goodnight moment with my son this evening. I don't feel like saying too much about what it was, so I will just say what I learned. The term "with child" has more than just a physical/ material definition.... Still basking...

Good night all...

[zenquaker]

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences on your particular stages. It sounds like everyone's experiences of ttc are deepening somehow, like we are all digging into and taking hold of life (or letting go and lightening--two sides of the same coin). Nattery, I am envious of your yoga/cycling routine and am trying to move toward that in some form. newtottc, it is good to step back and look at the BIG picture. Adoption is a different journey entirely, but it will lead you to a child. What's wonderful about your perspective is that it takes the pressure off your REAL desire, which is to parent. If you end up not being able to conceive naturally you will mourn not being able to have that experience, but that is separate from becoming a parent, which is its own blessing. Clumsy, that moment you had with your son? That's what it's all about for me. Those moments of connection and spiritual transcendence with a child are the essence of motherhood.

I've been incredibly busy with fun stuff with my family and it's really helping. Saturday morning I decided to go kayaking and WOW. The kayak and water were almost forcing me to meditate. It was an intense and peaceful experience. I am going to try to do it as often as possible. Unfortunately the "lake" that is close enough to reach by car without making it a whole production is very small and not free of road noise but it is something. I did it before my family was ready to start its day and I came home refreshed and ready for the rest of our Saturday. We had brunch with friends, walked around our town's arts festival, and took in a band we LOVE in the evening.

Tomorrow I have a big second-round interview, but after that I am going to focus some of my energies on preparing for my next 2ww. The first week of it we will be on vacation so I think that will take care of itself, but the second week (which is always the hardest for me), I think I'm going to make up a care package for myself with some daily meditations and small projects. If I were really ambitious and had the time I'd make myself a kind of advent calendar with a meditation for each day.

I have to go to work so won't look back but I think it was writinglove asked about what we are "conceiving" in our lives--I love that question, and love the perspective that ttc is bigger than 'trying' for a baby. For me I am trying to conceive a satisfying career. I am also "conceiving" a healthy, well-adjusted adult in my son by caring for him in the incubator of childhood. That is a daily labor that I feel blessed to undertake (well, most moments!)

[writinglove]

Just watched Ram Das' "Fierce Grace." An excellent documentary about letting go and being with what life brings you.

[maydaymom10]

Originally Posted by writinglove 

Just watched Ram Das' "Fierce Grace." An excellent documentary about letting go and being with what life brings you.

Thanks for the suggestion. Just added it to my Netflix queue. I'm having a "me" week this week, where ds is at daycare and I'm getting some things done for me. After this week he'll be with me full-time -- a bit of a change for us. This sounds like a good film to watch to prepare for this change.

[indie1976]

i've been reading through this thread and i just love it. what a great idea  i'm not sure how often i will participate, only because i find it somewhat difficult to stay on top of any more than one thread at a time... but i did want to say how much i love the spirit behind "a sane 2ww".

i'm currently in the 2ww myself and am trying to keep myself sane by meditating on the thought that struggling to conceive is a nice "problem" to have. there was a time in my life when i couldn't even think about ttc because at that time my problem was not being in a loving, stable relationship with someone whom i wanted to have children with (and now i am!) so as far as problems go... i'd gladly choose this one over that one! i'm not sure if that makes sense but it has been helping me shift my frantic focus to something more grateful and calm. 

anyway, i plan to pop in and read along and soak up all the wisdom here. much love to all of you lovely ladies!

[writinglove]

hi all. i have a bfp to report. however, i'm not ready to leave this crew yet. it's so early (4.5 weeks), and it doesn't feel right to join a ddc given my recent loss.

would any of the rest of you be keen on joining a graduation thread based on the same principles of the "sane 2ww"?

[indie1976]

wonderful news, writing love!! 

i would love to see a graduate thread with these same principles! it will give me something to look forward to! 

[ClumsySugarPlum]

Congrats, Writing Love! I'm in for a graduate thread, but I'm still in TTC mode as I don't think this cycle was successful. So happy for you!

[maydaymom10]

Congrats Writinglove! I'd also be interested in a graduate thread (when the time comes). I know that I could use some reminders of the ideas from sane 2ww for my pregnancy.

[zenquaker]

Wow writinglove! That's wonderful. And YES, a pregnancy thread would be great. I had an early loss last year and fear that when I do finally conceive this time (if I do), I will be consumed with anxiety and worry. I wish we could have a "Meditative TTC/pregnancy" or "Peaceful TTC/pregnancy" or something board with individual threads.

Writinglove, I think you should go ahead and start one. I imagine that there are lots of ladies in early pregnancy who could use it and that it'd be full up in no time :)

AFM, I just finished up my second-round interview and I am now waiting to hear about a final interview. So much like ttc in lots of ways. Also waiting for 'O and enjoying the intimacy and connection of this stage.

[zenquaker]

Of course, you can stay here, too, because it's all the same really--waiting, worrying, trying not to obsess, negotiating hopes/fears . . .

[Brambleberry]

Writinglove!  Congrats!  I think a peaceful pregnancy thread would be great.  It could go under the general "I'm pregnant" forum or if you want to be more specific, the "TTC after loss" forum would be appropriate for a lot of us.  We had a "cautious expectants" thread in our due date club, but it wasn't this specifically.  

I should introduce myself.  I'm ttc after a 10 week miscarriage two and a half months ago.  This is the first cycle we're trying.  I've been finding it challenging to chart accurately with an unpredictably early waking toddler.  I was getting good regularly timed temps for a week or so, and then right when I'm probably ovulating the past three days DD has been waking up early again! aarg!  I had one really high temp Sunday morning and I thought I had o'd a little early (which would be good - I have a short LP), but then all day Sunday I had a lot of EWCM so I thought well, maybe not.  Then a borderline temp yesterday and somewhat sticky CM, then again today slightly higher temp but still borderline and slightly more fluid but not quite EWCM.  I usually chart on paper or I would post a link.  

Anyway, I'm trying hard to just let go of having to know whether or not I've o'd. I think I'm in the 2ww now, I just need a couple dependable temps to confirm it.  Actually, for me it's usually a 10 day wait - one benefit of a short LP ;). My usual approach to things like this (whether or not I've o'd, whether or not I'm pregnant) is to just try not to think about it - to ignore it.  And I do that with more or less success sometimes.  It's not Zen it's just avoidance.  But I think a healthier approach, the one I'd like to take for the next 10-12 days, is to embrace all possibilities with lightness.  It's a bit like Schrodinger's cat: either you're pregnant or not pregnant, but until you know for sure you must assume both to be true :).  But all I'm feeling at the moment is frustrated because I want a beer.

[zenquaker]

Welcome, Brambleberry! You know, your barriers to charting may be a blessing in disguise--no temps to obsess over. It is nice to *know* when you can relax on bd'ing, but if you are able to do every other day for ten days or so in the middle of your cycle you can go without being totally sure of O. That should cover you even if you O really early or really late. And it can be the occasional morning or afternoon instead (though easier said than done with a toddler!). I don't even worry about CM anymore b/c it is so easy to mistake it with s*men. The stats and other stuff is helpful for timing but it can get in the way of focusing on connection with your loved one. And I just prefer enjoying it!

I can understand avoidance. Sometimes I just have to if I have other things going on. I'm sure you've read through the thread, though, that ladies have talked a lot about going ahead and feeling the feelings. It's not even important, in my mind, to come to a peace about them. They just are what they are.

I can also understand wanting a beer!

I got a final interview. Crossing my fingers!

[zenquaker]

Welcome to you, too, Indie. I like your perspective about being in a stable relationship. Yes, it is a privilege even to be able to think about ttc. Thank you for the reminder. Peace to you for your 2ww!

[Bena]

New here also!  I just spotted this by accident since lately, I'm pretty much only on the loss thread/

Brambleberry's story is pretty much mine also.   This is also our first cycle ttc.

Since i've miscarried, i've developped somewhat of an anxiety issue; well, "developped" is probably not the right word, since I"ve always been a bit of a worrywort, but since then, it's escalated.  So a sane ttc is definitly a good idea for me, thought a bit of a challenge.  I oscillate between being excited and terrified at the thought of being pregnant again.

[dakipode]

writinglove: congratulations! wishing you all the best with your pregnancy!

I'm all for the "sane pregnancy" thread. I haven't experienced any sort of pregnancy or loss but I could easily see myself worrying about everything. I would love to have a thread to join in the future!

Brambleberry: your last comment was so funny. I totally relate to that, maybe we should rename the 2WW to "Schrodinger's pregnancy"!

AFM: Thank you all for the great book suggestions. I did sign up for goodreads and incidentally I picked up my very own copy of Fifty Shades at Costco the other day I've got another 7 to 10 days before O so I'm just hanging out. Been working on some internal stuff, things I need to discuss and clear up with DH so that I can get rid of one more level of fear, doubt, stress regarding a possible pregnancy... I'm so grateful to be able to share this journey with all of you, it's nice to know other women are having a similar experience.

[nattery]

Yay WritingLove! I'm so excited for you!

And thanks for the documentary suggestion! 

I just wrote out a nice long response to so many people's posts... and then something happened to my browser and it got deleted. Grrrrr. 

Newtottc: I'm a knitter too! (So meditative)... and doing yoga almost everyday. What kind of knitting projects are you into? 

Zenquaker: Good luck with upcoming interviews... If teaching is anything like Canada it's hard to get a job, especially a good fit. I wish you all the best! I'm getting ready to say good bye to my kids too and it's KILLING ME! I also realized the other day one of the benefits of not being pregnant right now is it lets me give more of myself and my energy to these last moments with my kids. I know if I was pregnant right now a lot of my time and energy would be spent on that ... so I'm grateful for having the time that I do with my kids right now. 

And on the topic of regular exercise... something that might help other people...  I put off doing yoga for so long because I was frustrated with my situation. I was: a) too busy to go out to a class regularly (and I'm in China where traffic is nuts, and most classes aren't in English anyways) and b) I hate videos because I get bored of the same routine after 3-4 times. When I was in Bali and a health food specialist I went to recommended yogaglo.com and I LOVE IT. So many yoga classes, styles, durations, etc there is ALWAYS something I want to do. Thought I would share with others struggling to do some regular exercise.