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Mothering › Groups › December 2012 Due Date Club › Discussions › Starting to panic about babies close in age...

Starting to panic about babies close in age...

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 

Hi all,

When this LO is born, he/she will be 20 months apart from DD2, who is currently 13 months, teething, and up in the night.  It's probably the lack of sleep talking, but I'm am really starting to stress about having two babies!!  With both of my deliveries I've suffered from PPD, although with number 2 it was short lived because we knew what to look for.  How can I handle that with a teenager and two babies?  I do have some support from my family and my in-laws, but I'm feeling kind of detached and alone right now, even with DH.  He is so excited for another baby that I don't want to worry him with my thoughts.  

I have been so determined to make this pregnancy as stress free as possible.  I am a major type A personality and need some techniques to begin to let go of this stress and control/organization issues.  I honestly worry every day about how I'm going to keep the house clean with two small kiddos.  I don't want this to over shadow the joy I should be feeling for this baby, its not fair to me, DH, or any of the kids.  

I recently stumbled across a blog on having two babies close together and the mama/writer made it sound like complete hell.  Does anyone have any words of wisdom?  I'd really like to address this issue and move on peacefully.  Thanks.

post #2 of 13

I like babes being close together...DD1 and DD2 are 17 months apart, DD2 and DS are 22 months apart, and when this little one is born he/she will be 27-28 months apart from DS. It's zany, but I love it, I love how close my children are to one another, how they really seem to be best friends, and are sympathetic to what the other is going through because it was not that long ago they were "tiny babies". My eldest daughter is like a little mama and she is always wanting to help out with the babies, my second daughter loves having babies to cuddle with and loves having younger siblings to get to show stuff to, and my son-well he thinks his sisters are the best...any time one of them is sleeping in or out with a friend, he wanders around the house saying "Where Em Pen?" (that is his homogenized version of both of their names lol). I heard this story from a midwife friend of mine when i was expecting my second daughter and she said in the Native American culture they believe that your existing child(ren) call out to the child you are about to have in the spirit world and tells them they are ready for them to join your family...I always thought that was a beautiful way of looking at it, as my children have each been really accepting and welcoming of each addition.When I look back at pics of my children coming up together it totally melts my heart seeing how awesome it is that they got to be so little with one another. I HTH mama! hug2.gif

post #3 of 13

This time last year I was in this exact position - loping, huge pregnant and with a toddler who would be 20mo at birth. First, A LOT can and will change in the coming months. I night weaned my babe and got her sleeping on her own which helped tremendously. She was even napping every day. There were sleep set backs when she was no longer the babiest baby, but over all I'm really happy I got her sleeping independent of me. I'll do the same when my son, who is almost 11m, is closer to 1. He'll be 18m when this baby is born. 

 

My 2yo is the biggest fan ever of the baby. If she could have a t-shirt with his face on it she would. She looks out for him at the park and tells other kids to be gentle with her baby. I grew up in a family with four kids who were four years apart. I don't know how my mama did it, but she did and, looking back, she doesn't think it was very difficult.  

Def have all the help you can lined up and whatever you may need for PPD ready to go. You won't keep the house as clean as you'd like with two babies. Or, you will and it'll be a trade somewhere. It can be clean, but not obsessive clean. Get your other kids used to helping and cleaning up after themselves if that's not already happening. Your husband too. WEAR THE BABY.

 

I didn't understand the logistics of how it was possible to have two babies. My SO works like mad so 99% of the time it's just me and the kids. Like, how would we go grocery shopping? Would I ever shower again? You know what? I figured it out. Sometimes I catch my baby eating paper off the floor and I wish for days when I can be alone for five minutes. I was recently stopped in the park by a mother of two who has never taken both kids out by herself. I was there with a 17yo, 13yo, 8yo with special needs, 5yo, 2yo, and infant. You just do it. You make it work. You figure it out. You put on your shit kickers and you kick some shit. You cherish your priorities and let go of control freak nonsense. You recognise it as temporary - those perfect, tender moments and the times you want to run away screaming. You understand that most of these questions can't be answered until you're eyebrow deep in the mess of motherhood and until that new person comes along with their own ways and everyone adjusts and figures it out. You let go and love your life. The end. 

 

p.s. hug2.gif you can do it 

post #4 of 13
Thread Starter 

You two are wonderful.  I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind and intelligent words.  I cried and laughed reading your replies, and they gave me courage I didn't know that I have.  I will probably visit these replies a number of times over the next months for encouragement.  I've never been part of a DDC or any online support group before, but it's already been such a rewarding experience for me.  I look forward to sharing this pregnancy with you.  Thank you so much!

post #5 of 13

Yay! This thread is very reassuring to me too. I will have a 28-month old when this baby is born, and I have no clue how to "do" it. I have been freaking out about how to go anywhere, get groceries, how they will sleep (in the same room?!?) without waking the other up, how they will fit in the backseat of the car (we have a 10 year old too!). But in the end, I always come back to the fact that many, many other parents have done it, I will hardly be the first, so it must be possible. I'll be reading your advice, moms of many!

post #6 of 13

My youngest two are 16 months apart.  I remember when I was pregnant with my youngest, I spent hours trying to figure out the best order to get everyone out of their car seats when going to the store.  I wrote out how I would bathe them all and how I'd manage to get the all down for a nap (type A here too, as you can see!).  In the end, I never had to refer to my notes...we just figured out a rhythm that worked for us! ;)

 

Honestly, I love the close age (hence the 20 month gap between my youngest and this one).  It gets a little crazy...but watching them interact and learn together is the most amazing thing. 

 

Also remember, there's a HUGE difference between a 13 month old and a 20 month old.

 

It takes a few days but you get into a groove and things are not as hard as you think they'll be!

 

It'll all work out!  I remember the anxiety (and I still have it sometimes now because I'll have 2 babes and a toddler, plus a very diva-esque 5 year old! lol) but in the end, these things always work themselves out.  It'll be a little bit hectic and a lot awesome!!
 

post #7 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by heyitskalista View Post

It'll all work out!  I remember the anxiety (and I still have it sometimes now because I'll have 2 babes and a toddler, plus a very diva-esque 5 year old! lol) but in the end, these things always work themselves out.  It'll be a little bit hectic and a lot awesome!!
 

 

I actually have to remind myself of all these things from time to time. I had much bigger age gaps - 5, 4, and 3 years - before last June's 20m difference. By January my 5yo will be in kindergarten with all the older boys but that leaves me with a 3yo, 18mo and newborn at home. I did have a chuckle about your list making orngbiggrin.gif

 

I was watching my little ones this morning and their bond is very unlike my kids who are farther apart in age. Now, a lot of that can hang on personalities, but the fact that my 2yo will never remember a day in her life without her baby brother (and vice verse) must help and is pretty cool.  

 

I'm more iffy about fitting carseats than anything. I drive a Honda Pilot that we bought two kids ago. It might take some wizardry to get five carseats in that thing. 

post #8 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by heyitskalista View Post

 

Honestly, I love the close age. It gets a little crazy...but watching them interact and learn together is the most amazing thing. 

 

I completely agree...I love how my babes love each other.  love.gif

 

kawa-There's a site that had a post about fitting 5 carseats and three adults in the Honda pilot, hope it helps : http://www.highcountryparent.com/review-a-palooza-3-honda-pilot/

fwiw, when we first had our third we had a Hyundai Elantra and so we had to get two Radian 65 SL s and a Combi Corroco in order to get three across (that was suuuuuuuch a fun way to spend $600 bucks, lol) now we have a minivan so DH and I joke that we can still have one more after this babe before we need to consider a suburban or something, lol.

post #9 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkblue0729 View Post

I completely agree...I love how my babes love each other.  love.gif

 

kawa-There's a site that had a post about fitting 5 carseats and three adults in the Honda pilot, hope it helps : http://www.highcountryparent.com/review-a-palooza-3-honda-pilot/

fwiw, when we first had our third we had a Hyundai Elantra and so we had to get two Radian 65 SL s and a Combi Corroco in order to get three across (that was suuuuuuuch a fun way to spend $600 bucks, lol) now we have a minivan so DH and I joke that we can still have one more after this babe before we need to consider a suburban or something, lol.

My DH says our next vehicle will be a bus! LOL

post #10 of 13

Try not to worry/stress.  It will work out!  You know what to look for with the PPD.  Your kids will love the new baby.  And cleaning and being super mom aren't requirements and shouldn't be an expection (listen to me...I should take my own advice).

Having a newborn is tough, in general.  But I liked having kids close; my first two were 19 months apart and then the next was 15 months after (that I needed a break after!!). 

post #11 of 13

No advice, but I'll be in the trenches with you. My two will be exactly 2 years apart (give or take a few weeks, depending on when this LO arrives). I panicked a little at first. And then I tool a look at my family tree. Almost every single couple on my side and DH's had their children two years apart or less. All survived, and some of them went on to have more! I'm sure there will be days that are ugly, but overall it looks great to me. If it were so impossible fewer couples would attempt it. We'll both be just fine!!

post #12 of 13

I can totally relate to these posts! My older two are 27 months apart - BUT my DSS is in the middle, 8 months old when DS2 was born. We didn't have him much his first year (he was with his mama, and DH would see him there), he started coming over on Christmas morning 2001 - he was 10 months old, DS2 was 2 months. After that we had him more and more, until he was about 3 and we went to half- time. When we had them both, it was like having twins (DSS was also 2 months early, so with the development lag they were even closer in 'age'). They are all SO close to each other though - even though my now almost-teen is living his own social life, etc, they still all like to sleep together (the other 2 sleep on the floor of DS1's room), and watching them jump on the tramp together is like watching a litter of puppies play, still.

There are definitely challenges, but like everyone has said, you just make it through them - like when they are all/both sick - and it;s worth it in the long run :)

 

(Suddenly feel bad for this babe who will be 6.5 years younger than the youngest sibling s/he will live with, and 3 years younger than the youngest who is only here part time).

post #13 of 13

All mine are close. My closest 2 are 14 months apart. My biggest age is 36 months I think. Between #3 and #5 I have 31 months.   I LOVE it, it is hard when the 4th was born and dh was gone(army) but they are all three so close, they are 10, almost 9, 7 1/2 right now.

I think any gap has their ups and downs. My sister has 4 years and she had issues adjusting to the newborn stage again way more then she thought she would. 

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