pregnancy after loss « Back to Group Discussions

[flatlander]

I want to start off by saying that I'm naturally really introverted, so it's really challenging for me to be part of an online forum. However, I really want to benefit from being a part of a community since this pregnancy is so emotionally hard for me. I've seen some other forums where people really respond unkindly to each other, so thanks to each of you for making this DDC feel like a safe place for me to turn to for support. Also, we moved to a more rural community with a vastly different culture about 100+ miles from my group of like-minded-mom-friends, so I'm feeling a strong need to reach out to others with more similar parenting philosophies during this time.

This is my third pregnancy. My symptoms have been so confusing, as they've been really different than any other pregnancy I've experienced.

pregnancy #1: I spent the entire pregnancy with severe morning sickness (except a couple of weeks during month 8). I mean, I was dry heaving, puking and vomiting anywhere from 5-20+ times a day. But I never got dehydrated or lost weight, so I counted myself as lucky. I had spotting at around week 6.

pregnancy #2: Again with the morning sickness, but not as severe. Spotting started at about week 7 or 8. I had a natural miscarriage at about week 10. It was very intense, traumatic, and lasted a really long time. It was at least 6 months before I would consider becoming pregnant again.

After trying for over a year, I finally got pregnant (this is pregnancy #3). I honestly believed I wouldn't never get pregnant again, so I feel like it's been an amazing gift to carry another life once again. But after my last pregnancy I'm feeling really realistic about what can happen during pregnancy, and that it doesn't always end happily. 

I had some spotting/light bleeding at about 8 weeks. Then I had some more spotting just yesterday and today (I'm currently 11wks 3 days). My midwife has reassured me that all of this is normal, and that I shouldn't worry. And she recommended I could take a pregnancy test to help reassure me that the HCG levels are high, and that I'm not about to miscarry. I did that this morning, and it was positive. So that was reassuring.

But the other thing that's making me nervous is that I've been eating at least 6 times a day either to keep the morning sickness at bay, or because I'm ravenously hungry. And I haven't gained any weight. In fact, I've lost some weight. A couple of people have even commented that I look thinner. This weight loss thing has never happened to me before, so in combination with the spotting it's pretty disconcerting.

Intellectually I know that this is probably all normal stuff. But I think maybe the miscarriage traumatized me more than I realized. And I'm just feeling really isolated and lonely with these fears right now. It's not a good place to be.

Anyway, sorry for the long winded ramble. I was just hoping maybe someone could share their experience and help normalize all this for me. 

[HarperRose]

Bleeding is not normal. That ... no. Scary. I miscarried in2005 at 12/13 weeks. It started with bleeding/spotting in week 11. You might consider pushing for an ultrasound to check.

Sickness. Have you looked into hyperemesis gravidarum? Check this link and compare your symptoms. http://www.helpher.org/mothers/hyperemesis-or-morning-sickness/index.php

[flatlander]

Maybe I was confusing in my first post.

I'm not currently bleeding, nor do I have the terrible vomiting this time around. Thank goodness!

[mamadiamond]

i'm glad you feel comfortable sharing on MDC. i also live far from family and good friends, and i love having some great online support.

my first pregnancy i had zero morning sickness and ate constantly and still lost weight in the first trimester. my body was just using everything i ate to build the baby, and there wasn't any extra yet. but i made up for it and ended up gaining 50lbs. this pregnancy i had a few weeks of morning sickness and lost weight, and now i'm eating tons again but not yet gained it back. my goal for the first trimester is to break even with weight. i also look like i've lost weight, but i think it's just distributing itself differently. i'm also still breastfeeding my toddler so i'm expecting less weight gain this time because my body is feeding more people. i'm pregnant after a loss in january, so i know it is so easy to worry and expect the worst, but i really wouldn't worry about the weight. from what i've read a lot of women don't gain anything till after 12 weeks, and i know many who lost weight. as long as you eat when you are hungry, and eat healthy stuff, your baby will get what it needs.

as far as the spotting, i'd try not to worry (i know that is way easier said than done). i spotted my entire first trimester with my first pregnancy, and my daughter was born perfectly healthy. with my second pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, i had no spotting whatsoever till i actually miscarried. with this (#3) i had one time of spotting at 6 weeks, and nothing since. and so far this baby is doing great. the range of normal bleeding in the first trimester is so broad. try not to stress too much....i've been telling myself the same thing, because any time anything is different i freak out and worry about miscarriage.

i hope you are able to relax and enjoy this pregnancy, and i hope you can find lots of great support and encouragement on this DDC.

[mamadiamond]

i'm glad you feel comfortable sharing on MDC. i also live far from family and good friends, and i love having some great online support.

my first pregnancy i had zero morning sickness and ate constantly and still lost weight in the first trimester. my body was just using everything i ate to build the baby, and there wasn't any extra yet. but i made up for it and ended up gaining 50lbs. this pregnancy i had a few weeks of morning sickness and lost weight, and now i'm eating tons again but not yet gained it back. my goal for the first trimester is to break even with weight. i also look like i've lost weight, but i think it's just distributing itself differently. i'm also still breastfeeding my toddler so i'm expecting less weight gain this time because my body is feeding more people. i'm pregnant after a loss in january, so i know it is so easy to worry and expect the worst, but i really wouldn't worry about the weight. from what i've read a lot of women don't gain anything till after 12 weeks, and i know many who lost weight. as long as you eat when you are hungry, and eat healthy stuff, your baby will get what it needs.

as far as the spotting, i'd try not to worry (i know that is way easier said than done). i spotted my entire first trimester with my first pregnancy, and my daughter was born perfectly healthy. with my second pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, i had no spotting whatsoever till i actually miscarried. with this (#3) i had one time of spotting at 6 weeks, and nothing since. and so far this baby is doing great. the range of normal bleeding in the first trimester is so broad. try not to stress too much....i've been telling myself the same thing, because any time anything is different i freak out and worry about miscarriage.

i hope you are able to relax and enjoy this pregnancy, and i hope you can find lots of great support and encouragement on this DDC.

[flatlander]

mamadiamond -  Wow, thank you so much for your sharing your experiences. I think my weight is redistributing, just as you described. And I'm probably eating more healthily than I ever have, I just feel like I'm eating a LOT. My first and second pregnancies were similar in many ways, except that one obviously resulted in a healthy baby while the other ended in miscarriage. This pregnancy is just so different from my other experiences that it's sort of thrown me for a loop. Apparently the one "normal" thing for my body is to spot during pregnancy. Generally speaking, I think I'm doing a pretty good job of staying relaxed and positive about this pregnancy. Yesterday was just kind of hard day at home, and I was just really feeling myself slump towards depression. I really appreciate your encouragement.

[tropicana74]

Flatlander, I totally get that feeling of moving away and not having your "tribe" anymore. That's where I am at right now too. Any mentions of home birthing, breastfeeding past a year (not to mention two years), BF in public, baby-wearing, not vaxing etc. gets you instantly put in the freak category around here...not a comfy environment. 

FWIW, this is my first pregnancy where I actually have gained in the first trimester. With my first I had gained 1 pound at 16 weeks even though I was hungry all the time and ate all day (and night). With #2 I didn't gain the first trimester but then kept pretty steady with gaining about a pound a week for the rest of the pregnancy.

Just want to send you hugs. I'm sure that any pregnancy after a loss is going to feel a bit scary and nerve racking until you are well into your pregnancy. Hang in there! 

[tropicana74]

Forgot to mention that I spotted brown/red up through 6 weeks with pregnancy #1 and #3. 

[flatlander]

tropicana - Thanks for your empathy and understanding. I'm sure the locals will be surprised to see how I nurse, wear, and mother a newborn. When I wore my daughter (who was about 3 years at the time) regularly around town, we got a lot of looks and comments. (Now she's 4 and prefers her balance bike)  I have NO idea what to expect when and if the word gets out about our family choosing homebirth. Your weight gain experiences are very reassuring. Ya know, weight loss (or no weight gain) in the first trimester is something I've read about. I just don't think I know anyone IRL that it's happened to, so it doesn't seem as real to me as other parts of pregnancy. Not glad that you also experienced spotting, but it's calming to know I'm not the only one that it happens to. My hope is that we'll hear the baby's heartbeat at our appointment with the midwife Friday, and that within the next month I'll start feeling some movement. I think and hope that will help me feel even more reassured.

[esp831]

It is wonderful that you feel comfortable enough to open up here.  It was difficult for me as well, and now I feel like I don't shut up!  You are absolutely safe and supported with this great group of mamas.  

Although I can't relate to the pregnancy after loss, I am very empathetic to your concerns.  I know many, many women who have had occasional spotting in the first trimester and then gone on to have healthy children.  Every woman and every pregnancy are just so different.

I can relate to the eating/weight loss and I know quite a bit about nutrition and metabolism and I say don't fret about the weight loss.  If eating small, frequent meals is helping with m/s, do it!  Eating small meals throughout the day (which optimally will contain some protein and good carbs) is the best way to stabilize your blood sugar and help your body to use the nutrients the most efficiently.  Your probably just fueling your body the exact way it needs to be fueled right now.  I wouldn't be concerned about the weight loss unless your midwife or doc thinks your too underweight to sustain a pregnancy.  That being said, I also know a few very teeny, skinny ladies who have 2+ healthy children.  I'm sure it is very difficult after a loss, but put trust in your body.  It knows what to do.

[flatlander]

esp - I remembered reading on another thread that it took you awhile before you started post much (or something along that line). I have to say, it did help me feel encouraged to just go for it and ask for some support. So thanks for that.  I am combining proteins with complex carbs at about 4-5 out of 6 mini-meals a day. Putting trust in my body is the hardest part of being pregnant for me right now. I'm just having a lot of conflicting emotions about that specific topic, and clearly I need to try to work them out to keep my anxiety in check.