Hi mamas, this might be all over the place, but I'm trying to get it all out while DS is napping. I can't post from my phone for some reason. Expat, I saw your thread and will go back and read it. Also so the mention of taking primrose oil.
Here it is. I don't like nursing. There were moments where I found it ... not enjoyable in itself, but watching my LO nurse was nice. After a year old seeing his excitement when it was time to nurse to sleep often brought a smile to my face. But I never got that love of nursing, although I support it 100%. I even loaned my pump to a new mom at work because she was having trouble and worried (the different pump helped yay!) Anyway, as he got older no matter what I did I couldn't get him to latch well consistently. So it usually hurt at first then was just uncomfortable. Add to that his wandering hands. It drives me nuts. Maybe I'm "touched out", maybe I have touching issues, I dont' know but I can't stand it. Along with that comes his habit of picking at anything not smooth on my arms (moles). Which kinda hurts. That speaks to me of a type of OCD that I have and brings about a whole other sense of worry.
So, I stopped pumping awhile ago, maybe January? And we night weaned soon after that. It wasn't too difficult and it helped my peace of mind tremendously. We were only nursing to sleep and around 5 am. Plus naps on weekends. Naps were dropped, then the 5 am feeding, so it was only to sleep. None of this seemed to cause much distress. I think it was a week and a half ago now when he was just being miserable all evening (I work full time) and we got into bed (still co-sleeping) and he was just throwing the biggest tantrum all over the bed. (of course he woke while I was writing this. Thank gods for back wrapping!) Then he fell asleep, without nursing. The second night I had my eyes closed and I felt a movement like maybe he had made the sign for eat, but then he snuggled up and again, no nursing. The third night he asked, I said not tonight and he "cried" for about 2 seconds and again just snuggled up. We haven't nursed since.
I feel guilty. Sigh. Shouldn't I celebrate the fact that we nursed until he was 21 months? I'm so conflicted. Would love to hear any opinions/advice.