I'm feeling like a failure today regarding DD's sleep. I had been feeling pretty good because she has made some major improvements, but we had a terrible night and awful nap, and my husband gave me a really hard time, blaming me for her sleep patterns (and has done this several times before). He actually doesn't really sleep with us anymore because we all sleep better this way. However, his parents were visiting overnight, so we all slept together. She woke up, and wouldn't settle down for close to two hours. She was so tired and it seemed she couldn't get comfortable. She wanted my pillow, then another pillow, wanted me to stroke her hair..... we went round and round with this. She'd fall asleep, then soon wake up. I guess this really wouldn't have bothered me very much normally, it was just the middle of the night fight my husband and I got into. We still aren't really talking. I'm too tired. Today when I tried to get her nap, it just wasn't happening, and I started to become increasingly depressed, feeling like a complete failure, and that I have screwed everything up by having her sleep with me from the beginning, and basically always giving into her wants and needs at night. She is close to 2, and I am 37 weeks pregnant. She had been sleeping absolutely terrible until about two months ago when I night weaned. Then recently we started having my husband put her to sleep, and she has done really well with this. He, however, is resentful that he now has to pay the price for what I have done in regards to her sleep. (The plan is that he will be sleeping with her when new baby comes). I periodically go into a panic over this. The other night I tried sleeping by myself while he slept with her. I never really fell asleep. I finally went into their bed at about 3am, and dozed here and there until I had to get up at 6.
Anyways, what I have done all along is what has felt right, and has felt necessary. From the first night in the hospital I couldn't put her down once she fell asleep, and this continued on since that point. Having her in the bed next to me was what worked, and seemed to be what she needed. I have felt pretty alone in this process until he started helping recently.
Sorry for the rambling post, I guess I am just venting. I really have no one to talk to about it right now. I know a big part of how I am feeling is related to my complete exhaustion. I haven't been sleeping too good with the pregnancy recently, and DD basically pushing me off the bed most nights with her positioning. Hopefully it all works out, it has to right?