Unknown Mental Illness (Just couldn't think of a good enough title)

[thatgirliknew]

I am 22 years old and have been struggling with some sort of mental illness since I can remember (let's say, at least 12 years).

I have never in my life had stability (even as a child, I was shuffled from one home to another) and have basically been in what I call chaos mode my whole life. Like, I can't deal with my issues and calm down and work through everything because I honestly always have 5+ super stressful situations going on at once. I can't concentrate, have memory issues, sleeping patterns are off the wall, little initiative or follow through, I let everything build up until I breakdown (once every couple months?) My thoughts feel like they are going 10000 MPH and they jump so quickly it's hard to hold a conversation with anyone, let alone have them on the same wavelength long enough to follow it.

I have been in and out of counseling since I was 18 and realized I had a problem. I have trouble articulating the problems I encounter so I never really get good feedback from counselors and just stop going when I don't feel like it's going anywhere. (I also believe a lot of them feel like I'm being less than truthful because until I actually breakdown, I am emotionless). I feel like I need a way to work through these issues on my own, but I don't really know where to start. I've had all kinds of things thrown around that "could" be my problem: Asperger's, Social Anxiety, Anxiety, Depression, Antisocial Personality Disorder... The problem with ALL of them is that none of them are 100% and I overlap with a few key points from them, but in "treatment" they just want to pick one and try to fix that.

Also, on the note that I am super-stressed, I have already gotten rid of any non-essential stressors and even cut many stressing people out of my life (including most of my family), the stressing situations that are left I literally have no choice but working through.

I don't expect anyone else to have answers, but even just a push in the right direction would be greatly appreciated...

[Shantimama]

I would suggest that you see if you can find a therapist who specializes in working with trauma. Being moved around so much as a child is very traumatic to a child, especially when life is chaotic all the time. You can ask some of the counsellors you have already worked with for referrals. You could also get a referral for a good trauma therapist from a rape crisis centre - that is one place that should know of which therapists are skilled in dealing with trauma issues, you don't have to have experienced a sexual assault to ask them for some names. A skilled and experienced trauma therapist will know that you can't just pick out one symptom and work on it, they will know that because of all the chaos and upheaval in your life everything will be overlapping and complex. They will work with you to develop a treatment plan and help you untangle things, work on them, and create a better life for yourself. You won't get a quick fix but if you find the right therapist to work with you will find your way through this. 

[Becky Wheeler]

It might make more sense that you'd have reactive attachment disorder, if you were shuffled around a lot as a child. This can either make you antisocial or you find yourself attaching to people you barely know very quickly. Things like getting into serious relationships really fast and falling "head over heels" in love, so to speak, really fast. Or feeling like you can tell perfect strangers all about your life. I strongly suggest seeing someone. Even if finances are tight. There are programs you can get on to help you pay for mental health care. Good luck.