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Mothering › Groups › May 2012 Birth Club › Discussions › Living with a toddler and newborn: "Mama do it!"

Living with a toddler and newborn: "Mama do it!"

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

So my 3-year-old is in a new phase, which is "Mama do it!" He screams bloody murder if DH attempts to get him a drink or snack, change his diaper, or put him to bed.


Since I'm breastfeeding the new baby around the clock, this has been a bit challenging to say the least. I'm also struggling to maintain our normal routines and keep the house from sliding into chaos.


I would love to discuss this with others who have more than one! Experiences? Tips? Venting? I'd love to hear it all!

post #2 of 6

My 2.5 year-old does that sometimes where mama has to do it.... Sometimes DH will do it and then I will pretend to do it---like if he needs a drink  will just hand it to him after DH fills up the cup.


So far my toddler has been pretty good-- he loves his baby and the major complaint is him kissing the baby too much!  Like he wants to kiss him constantly. DH went back to work on Monday and everything has been going pretty well... although I am not working, so that helps a bit, too! I want to build a sand and water table and set up some other stuff on the porch, so that he has some messy stuff to do while I am working... And put like shaving cream, etc. in the sand water table... not just sand and water....


but we have been watching a bit more tv then usual... he is obsessed with reading rainbow, so I stock up on those from the library...


Its hard on the little ones when they have a new sibling!  I think this little guy is so easy since he is the 4th and has a lot of kids helping him....

post #3 of 6

I hear ya!!  I don't know what I'm going to do when my amazing hubby returns to work next week!  I had baby on Saturday and he goes back to work on Tuesday (mondays are his day off).  We have a 2 yr old and a 5 yr old and they have been fighting a lot lately and it's really hard to deal with while nursing a baby.  Right now he's doing ALL the cleaning, cooking and older kid care and I'm just sitting around in bed being cared for by him and nursing the baby. He brings me my food in bed and I sit around.  It's been great, but I'm hopefully not into too big of a transition next week!!  When my 2nd was born he didn't get time off work so I was pretty much up and about right away caring for a newborn and a 2 yr old.  And I think it contributed to me feeling a lot more overwhelmed and slightly depressed for a while.  


You just let some things go when there is a new baby.  We don't watch TV at ALL in our family, but I'm pretty sure there will probably be a daily 30 min show for a while when I am getting used to having all 3 by myself.  And lunch will be far from gourmet....  and the house far from clean (TRYING so hard to let go of that, I love a clean house...)

post #4 of 6

My 2.5 yo did great for the first week, but we are having a HARD week. She literally cries about something new every 10 to 15 minutes. Dh went back to work on Wednesday and works 6 days a week. Today is his day off and it's not any better. I am at my wit's end. I snap every time she cries and yell at her. I do not yell at her ever unless she's going to hurt herself. I know yelling is just making things worse, but how do I deal with this? I knew she would act out, but this is so hard. :-( My heart is breaking for her.

post #5 of 6

My DS1 was almost 2 when DS2 was born and I found it really tough. Looking back on it I also realise that I was extremely sleep deprived. One thing I did was go out every afternoon and meet up with a friend with kids (absolutely anybody I could find that was free!). That gave me a bit of "me" time with an adult and also the friend would keep an extra eye on DS1 at the playground or wherever we went. I also slackened a lot on TV to get a bit of extra calm time. I think that some standards just really have to slip. And, company for me was just a real tonic when I was at my wits' end.


Baby isn't born yet and I'm feeling a bit nervous about how they're going to react (they're 4 and 6 now). Some days they love the idea of baby and other days they tell me I should send him/her back :(

post #6 of 6

Ruby- your daughter sounds like my son. He's 2.5 as well, and he cries - it feels like- every 5 minutes. Sometimes about really old things- like 4 days ago he fell and scratched his knee. It's barely visible, and I KNOW it doesn't hurt but today he collapsed on the floor wailing because he got a scratch on his knee. I also have no sympathy, and when he's wailing about something pointless and the baby is crying I always end up snapping at him. Unfortunately, whenever i snap, I say "I DON'T CARE!" Which my three year old is now mimicing whenever I try to get her to do anything. Yikes.


Sandy- we've been in this "no, mommy!" phase with both kids forever, I think. My DD has always been very mommy-attached, and my son just picked it up fairly recently. Recently it's- no, daddy will do it or YOU WON'T GET IT. Except I only say it that way when I'm about ready to scream. I try tor reason with them, or present it as an option- saying things like, "oh, you want juice? Well, you can wait until I put baby Everett in his bed or Daddy can help you get it now." Or I just delay and delay until my husband does it and the kids are thrilled because SOMEONE is finally listening to them.


For house stuff, I'm telling both kids "you need to play for a little while, I just need to wash these dishes and sweep and then I can do x,y,z with you. Okay? When I'm all done these things, we'll play." Or even more wind up- "we're going to eat breakfast, I'm going to clean and you can play or read books, and then we'll go to Grandma's house."  They do the slump-shouldered "awww, okay" pouty thing, but they leave me alone for a little while anyway.


Things we're doing: new toys (dollar store, mostly). Sitting beside him while he plays with silly putty (note: don't EVER buy silly putty for a 2 year old. It's a terrible idea), new playdough, some stupid toy that will break in 5 minutes. I try to let him eat what he wants, within reason, to minimize fighting. Sitting on my lap whenever he can and making sure to add in lots of snuggles and time to be silly or get him laughing about something. We are definitely doing more TV then we did before unless there's another adult around to help out. Lots and lots of outside time.


Feliz- we are doing the same thing- we're trying to meet up with friends with kids as much as possible. Firstly because I need someone other than my husband to talk to, and secondly because when other kids are around the kiddos are much less "mommy, mommy, do this for me!" about everything every 5 minutes. Getting out makes a huge difference, and with more eyes to watch your exhausted brain can take a bit of a break and not worry about your kid wandering off.

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