What do you think?

[Lineymom]

My kids are 9, 7 and 2. Every summer we spend a lot of time at my mom's pool a few miles away. This past winter we found out a sexual offender had moved in 1/4 mile away thru the woods (the closest neighbor). He had been there last summer and we didn't know and I often took the kids while my parent were gone. Since then the offender has been arrested for possesion of a firearm and released. This has become a source of huge conflict with my dh. I have agreed that I would not take the kids to swim unless my mom is there. She is a school teacher and gets off soon. Dh insists that my father has to be ethere. It angers me because I feel he is treating me (and my mom) as incapable females. He says it is all about protecting his kids.

[earthgirl]

Well, this sounds like a marital issue more than a parenting one so I don't know how much that will help things, but here's my 2 cents anyway. While it is totally creepy that there is a known registered sex offender in the area, that's pretty much where it starts and stops- it's creepy. The thing is, there could be (and probably are) sex offenders in many other places that you have been to with your children. I really don't think knowing or not knowing who is on the sex offenders registry changes things all that much. I mean, I guess it gives some information about someone, but as far as how you react, are you going to do something differently than if any other person approached you and your children? I mean, it's not like you would send your kids off with a stranger just  because he/she was NOT on the registry. I'm sorry if this is coming across as flippant. I don't mean to minimize the real risk that could be present. I just don't think you and your children are necessarily in any greater danger than in any other situation, assuming you are there to keep your kids safe. It wasn't clear from your post if this person has actually been to the pool or approached you and your children, but I'm guessing not. But obviously, if he has, then that may change my opinion about things. 

[chenchen]

I agree with the PP. This information is meant to empower parents, not have them live in fear. Visit the familywatchdog website, and find more information including the person's photo, date of conviction, and actual crime. A quarter mile doesn't seem like an especially threatening distance, but then I live in a fairly populated area.

I am not one to bow to pressure from others, but in this case where the primal instinct to protect is concerned, I think I would want to honor DH's intentions. Talk to him about precautions you can take, and see how he feels.

[mtiger]

Does your husband realize that you could have a sex offender living next door - you just don't know because he hasn't been caught? It happens.

I would take the time to talk to him about how to safeguard the kids, but I would not cave on taking the kids if Dad's not there. It is unlikely that the neighbor is going to come running over to molest your kids while you're there.

[crunchy_mommy]

I agree with the others. I would be willing to guess that MOST sex offenders are not 'registered' because they haven't been caught. This is a danger no matter where you are, and knowing someone has been caught doesn't really make it more dangerous (maybe even a little less dangerous, if anything, since both sides may be extra cautious, but I don't have stats on that). Sadly, I personally know 5 sex offenders off the top of my head, and only one is registered (ironically, the one who would be the least dangerous to others).

And if the man acquires a firearm again... it doesn't matter if you're male or female, he could shoot you just the same.

I do think this is a tricky situation because everyone has different levels of comfort & safety. I don't think your DH is being entirely unreasonable, but I think if you're the one that's going to be there, you are the one that most needs to feel comfortable, safe, and competent to protect your kids. Would your DH feel more comfortable with it if you took a self-defense class or something? That might be a compromise so you don't have to wait for your dad to get home...

[Lineymom]

Thanks everyone for the moral support!  I got him to see the light!