Newborn Routine « Back to Group Discussions

[AmandaMamma]

Can anyone give some advice as to a newborn routine when you come home (I'll be having a hospital birth)?

My first child we were so clueless and for months and months it was just like time didn't exist. There was no night and day. I wasnt breastfeeding due to lots of issues.I have anxiety and dealt with PPD. Having a basic routine or plan helps me function SO much.

And I don't mean a rigid schedule or anything, I know baby to the breast when needed. This time around i have lots of breastfeeding support. But something like: wake, feed, diaper, sleep?

Even though this is number two I really do feel clueless. It was just so very hard last time (4 years ago at this point) that any advice would be very much appreciated. Now that I'm 38 weeks I'm having some anxiety about this remembering how hard it was at first with the first baby.

[alicewyf]

There's a lot of info I don't know but I can tell you what worked for us last time. I am expecting it will be different this time because we have an almost-3-yr-old.

My husband was off for two weeks with our DD (and will be this time as well) so that helps a lot.

People brought us food for at least the first week postpartum. I didn't cook at all for maybe a month postpartum. We either had food brought to us, got convenience foods, or DH cooked.

During the day with my DD, I considered my job to be learning to breastfeed. So basically all I did was lay in bed, watch The West Wing (got from library), nurse, and change diapers. Oh, I also washed the diaper laundry. My hubby either joined me or did housework.

This time around DD will be in a Pre-K program from 7/8am (we have a 2 hour drop off window) to 12pm, three days a week, so that will give us four-ish hours of toddler-free time most mornings. I have already told family that we don't want gifts, we just want people to play with our daughter. I'm also going to seriously relax our screen time rules for her for about a month postpartum (currently at 20 mins a day, will definitely go way up!).

Having dealt with postpartum anxiety (though not depression), I will say one thing I am going to do differently this time is prioritize SLEEP. It is amazing how different I feel when I get enough sleep. I don't care if I have to beg people to watch DD so I can sleep with the baby, I am going to have zero shame about it. I'm really going to babymoon, rarely move from my bed, and be shameless about it. I might even pay someone to watch DD for the first time (she's never had a paid babysitter). I'm kind of a perfectionist in some ways and I think I felt some guilt about letting others hold the baby/entertaining last time around. Not happening this time! Me/baby come first!

[tinams8]

I felt like it was a lot easier the second time, and more enjoyable. It's like riding a bike, it comes back to you!

As for a routine, I don't remember... I also plan to prioritize sleeping but beyond that I'm going to play it by ear.

[Sharlla]

we just play it cool.  i nurse on demand, change diapers as needed and let the baby sleep when it's sleeping.  DD loved her swing and would usually sleep 5 hours a night in it so im hoping new baby is the same

[sraplayas]

Taking into account that every baby and mama is unique, here's what we did----

Days 1-15-ish were lying in days: DH took care of DD (then 4yrs & in school), meals and household tasks. We had a little extra cleaning help so I just stayed in bed and nursed on demand, slept when tired and changed diapers. I read alot of books and ate/drank frequently. The only planned things were one MW apt. and a little service we had in our home for naming DS.

After DH went back to work (he had 2 weeks, thank God!), I slowly transtioned into more of a "routine", but those first 2-ish weeks were slow and easy.

I know that's probably not much help as far as routine, but maybe something in there will be useful.:) Sleep was by far the biggest gift in those days so I was glad for the help!

[butterfly_mommy]

With DS I slept when he slept a lot (that was super helpful) Had DH wear DS in the evenings so I could sleep. I nursed on demand and often (my big life saver was learning to nurse lying down) I didn't cook (This time I am going to try to be more prepared by having easy to make and eat food available) 

With this baby I am having my mom stay with us for 20 days (she will be with us from 4 days before the scheduled repeat c-section) then she is going to take DS with her home for 3 nights (this will be the first time he has been there overnight without us but they are both super excited) then DS, me and the baby will head up to her place for a few days. DS is also going to take off a week and a half starting with the "birthday" and then another half a week three weeks after the birth to go up to mom's house.

I also plan on spending a lot of time at the park with DS and baby (I envision packing a pic-nik and spending hours lying on a blanket with baby as DS plays) DS is enrolled in 2 weeks of day camp which is half day. I also plan on being a bit more relaxed on screen time and DS is just starting to get into watching movies (I can nap with baby while he watches a movie)

I guess this isn't real helpful as it doesn't outlay a routine but for me in the newborn stage just being flexible and going with the flow was helpful oh and not stressing about cleaning the house :)

[AmandaMamma]

Thank you for the replies. Keep them coming!

It helps a lot to hear what other people do to get through and adjust.

The first time around I thought that DH and I could handle things. Boy was I wrong. I had no support in state and was very isolated. This time my parents are coming, mom will stay and I have plenty of mom friends who have offered lots of help. When I run through these things I feel less anxious. My 4 year old is super close with my parents so they will be occupying him.

[mirandamiranda]

I would agree with the poster who said it feels easier the second time around. I had twins after a singleton and it was STILL easier! I think you are just more accustomed to having your time/attention/energy drained by another person so that part is less of a shock.

I am never very good at just lying in bed with baby, I think I am going to have to make an effort to make sure I get enough rest. Somehow when the baby is asleep I want to do all the fun stuff I am missing out on and don't feel that tired. Then I regret it in the night and early morning...

[BroodyWoodsgal]

My first baby was sooooo easy. Adjusting to having her around was NOTHING. I just lay around, fed her, whatever. She was always happy to go with me wherever I was going, loved the sling, loved being held by anyone. Easy as pie.

My second was a nightmare from day one...just Soooooooo high needs. He wanted to be in my arms, on a boob, making eye contact with me. Period. All day, all night. ALL day.....ALL night. (he was still like this when he weaned himself at two....just a SUPER attached guy).

So number two involved much more adjusting than number one did for us. This time around I'm not really thinking about it, I know everything will fall into place as it should and will be okay.

My DH is taking two weeks off and all of our family has food that they are bringing on certain days and there is freezer prepped stuff, etc. So, for the first two weeks I'm not doing a single damn thing but laying around, feeding this baby and snuggling with my big kids. I have been stocking up on cutopia/groupon coupons for fun things that my DH can take my 4 and 2.5 year old to do. So I've spent practically NO money and they have some REALLY fun things to do...like this awesome butterfly pavillion in our area, a super fun indoor play place that is HUGE (like, "all-day-worthy" huge) with bouncy houses and super fun crafts, a few different things like that. So for the first week lots of family will be around and for the second week I may decide to have friends come to visit or whatever...but the big kids will have some special stuff to do with just dad which will take them out of the "laser focus on new baby" zone and let them blow off steam on cool equipment and stuff. I really felt like that was important so I tried to make it a priority.

I have done a lot more prepping for food this time. That is the biggest thing for me. I am a slave to the kitchen every day. Morning noon and night I'm making bread, mixing, pounding, prepping, etc and I do NOT want to be doing that at ALL in the first couple of weeks PP. It's VERY hard for me, as a control freak in the kitchen, to have my DH trying to cook anything (which is generally fine with him, he loves my cooking) - so having lots of snacks, freezer meals, meals from other people, etc goes a long ways toward being able to relax and not think about that.

So as far as a routine is concerned....man. If I had tried to make a routine before my DD came, I would have found myself abandoning it completely because she was just so "go with the flow"....the routine was basically the same as life before she came, except with some diaper changes and feedings in the mix when it was convenient for me. She was just SO incredilbly easy.

If I'd tried to make a routine before my SON came...well, I would have been in the depths of hellish despair for feeling like I was failing.

So I am not going to set myself up with any expectation. I will change her. I will feed her. I will lay down to sleep when she sleeps. Over and over and over again, I will change her when she needs it, feed her when she's hungry and lay down to sleep when she does. The trick, I think, to making that plan a success, is making sure that there is NOTHING else for me to do.

Good luck, mama. I know how it can be. PPD thrown into the mix just completely shreds everything. I was very depressed and unstable, looking back, during my last PP period. When my son came along, I was really kind of shook up...he was just so much more demanding than I ever imagined. It wasn't like, frantic or chaotic around here...I was just surprised at how taxed and worn out I was. He still wears me out, to be honest. I'm not even really worried about what kind of kid this baby will be, because there is no possible way she could be half as needy as my son was!! It's all okay now, because he is worlds, worlds better than he was and he and I have an incredibly close relationship because of everything we went through...but I know that the real "x-factor" after this baby comes is not going to be how SHE is...it's going to be how my SON handles the transition.