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Significant Other Questions?

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 

My boyfriend is super weird aboutour son sleeping in his own bed. Whats weird is he doesn't ever get up with the baby and doesn't realize that he does sleep in his bed most of the night. Its only at his 7 am wake up I take him to bed with me so he can have his long morning nurse session and we can sleep for a couple more hours. He never gets up with the baby and for some reason doesn't beleive me because when he wakes up at 7:20 baby is with us. Well I have noticed when he doesn't agree with something I am doing he likes to make up fake facts that are really weird and actually super offensive.

 

"The baby is going to choke on your hair if you let him sleep by you." My hair is always up. I have never heard of this ever happening ever.

 

"Hes going to die of sids if you let him sleep by you." Um I blame our trip to wisconsin for this and all of their anti cosleeping billboards.

 

"You need to just let him cry at night, no baby ever died from crying but if you don't sleep you might make a mistake." To me this insiuates that I will make a mistake that will seriously injure or worse.

 

He was neglected as a child. We have limited his parent contact. It has caused him some serious confusion and heart ache watching me with the baby. He doesn't understand stuff thats basic to me. How do I explain it to him without totally attacking his own mother and upbringing. I just ignore him for now and move on from it. Also its hard for him as a parent to develop a relationship with our baby.

 

TO him my childhood was terrible. Single mom, poor, abuse, and so on and in a way he is right. His parents are still married, wealthy and so on. But when we compare stories to me his childhood was terrible.

 

Yesterday my BF and My son took a nap together for a few hours. It was the longest nap my son has taken in a long time and there was a whole bunch of cuddleing when I would check on them. I could tell they both loved it when they got up.

 

How do I help transition him into his own parenting style without offending my own? Or will it happen on his own? Theres been a lot of conversations between up about what we want for our son. The how any why.  (This just started a few weeks ago, before that he could go days without holding or playing with the baby) How do I help him diferentiate what his parents taught him and whats appropriate? His aunt approached me on our last visit with her and pretty much informed me on a bunch of stuff that my boyfriend would never say or was too young to know. He says some sad sad things about his parents that he doesn't realize. I can tell it bugs him and that some of the reasons for his distance and weird opinions is fear for his son but also fear that he will make a mistake that will hurt our son. He coming around a lot latley I just want to help him, but also cope with his weirdness.

post #2 of 2

Well, you could always wake him up when you feed the baby in the middle of the night and put him back in the crib. Might be a bit mean, but it would establish that you aren't secretly co-sleeping, and he is being accusatory toward you. Or just set it up so he has to bring the baby to you for the 7am feeding. Tell him "If it worries you, you need to get up and bring him to me, and either keep an eye out while I doze with the baby after that feeding; or put him back in his crib and let me doze." Basically, require that he be the parent-on-duty from 7am to 9am or something like that.

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