Summer IVF Thread: Summer Embies Bring Spring Babies!! - Page 25

[deportivo4]

renavoo- thanks so much. your right there is some worrying that is inevitable. I want to be hopeful though. thanks for the support. Wow, it feels good to have support something I am really missing in my life. your pics are the best by the way. They have the cutest little faces! Hope your doing well so far!

Silver- I know how you feel about the worry that you didn't or not doing enough. It is stressful, it is little comfort I know, but I try to think of all the retarded women in the world that do all kinds of stupid things while getting pregnant and stay pregnant with healthy babies. I don't know, it isn't fare but if they can do it, I have to believe we can do it too! I am sure you are doing all you can. I was getting so stressed about what I didn't do this time, but I just have to try to let it go! I know all around it is hard. I hope this is it for you, I really hope this cycle works. Glad you get some time off.

teresa- I reallly hope your little one is growing strong in their. Glad you are getting the care you need. Have been thinking of you and the little one!!!!

afm- I just got in a huge fight with my sister, ugh!!!! All this time I thought that she was being supportive. It turns out she just thought I was feeling sorry for myself and wining to her!!!!! I am really pissed off. The timing really is great for her to tell me that too. So pissed off. I can't believe how insensitive people are towards IF and I wish I never told her anything in the first place.

On the other hand things seem to be going fine. Trying to enjoy my summer etc. Just rooting for everyone her. Glad that I have support here!

[rcr]

Doctor called (I love that he calls people himself). The number reported by my RE was "less than 5" for my old RE, that is a BFN. For Dr. Fisch, he uses 2 as the cutoff. There was no specific number reported, so the wait continues. He did say that it does not look too promising, but you never know.
 

[auraleigh]

rcr, UGH.  i'm sorry.  when is the next beta? 

[rcr]

Monday at 10 am. I heard back today around 4, so I guess he will call then.
 

[rcr]

I think it is a BFN, so I am just going to go with that and try to move on. If it is a BFP I will get a wonderful surprise.

[auraleigh]

rcr, i'm really sorry to hear it, but i think you've got the right mindset.  when is your appointment with the local dr for the donor embryos? i'm so glad there was a plan b! 

deportivo,  sorry you got into the fight with your sister.  i think people forget how all consuming infertility can be.  they may only think of our issues once in a while, but we think about it ALL THE TIME.  at least you know you can always vent to us here.  and if she can't be supportive, then she won't get to share this journey with you.  

renavoo, how are your sweet babies?? how are you feeling? is the rash better? 

afm, i had my bw and ultrasound today.  the ultrasound tech was WEIRD.  first she bragged to me that she got pregnant at 40 with only clomid and just had a child 5 months ago.  how nice for her.  she was very rough with the wand too.  i kept thinking, she needs to look at my ovaries, not my tonsils! and the icing on the cake was when she warned me not to do too many ivf cycles or i'll get breast cancer.  wow.  thanks! i LOVE unsolicited advice.  luckily there were no cysts, my lining was thin, and my estrogen level was low, so i got the approval to go ahead with my estrogen patch tonight.  i'm waiting for dh to get home so he can glue the sucker to my lower back.  

i started cetrotide today and called freedom to order more, since they said today they were getting in a shipment of gannerelix.  of course, it didn't come in!  i am panicking.  teresa (the sweetest!!) found a woman in nyc who had four extras she no longer needs, so i'm hoping to get those this weekend, which brings my total to 10, but i need 16 to complete the cycles (hoping i don't go longer than usual).  i spoke to a nurse at SIRM who didn't seem too worried.  she said if freedom doesn't have them by tomorrow that they will call around all the local ny and nj pharmacies to see who has some for me.  i have everything crossed.  i have to say how grateful i am though, for everyone who has contributed to my med stash this cycle.  i have been given meds from all over the place, and the generosity of others really makes speechless.  i can't say thank you enough.  i'm just hoping i get pregnant and can donate some of my leftovers to someone else!

[deportivo4]

aura- thanks. Absolutely right. I was a bit annoyed with what she said. She was just being flippant about my situation. I said something. Than the fight was actually about everything she has ever been mad about. Then she just started trying to deliberately be hurtful. Oh well. I have just been in a sensitive place in my life and it is sad that a lot of people don't have empathy. I think it just takes someone with character to really support someone with IF. There are other horrible experiences that people can go through, and those people that have gone through hardship I think are the ones that show empathy. Others have no clue. Yes, I have this forum and I am going to go to therapy. I hope that others here have more support than I have experienced. I would hate to think that most people go it alone.

I have had my fare share of ultrasound technicians like that! I actually refuse to go to one clinic for ultrasounds because of so many bad experiences I have had. Some of them honestly are so rough. One moved the wand so fast inside she couldn't get past something and decided to just force her way past. I was in pain for two weeks. Ultrasounds are not supposed to hurt I have been told. No shit, but if they are done roughly yeah it can hurt!!!

I really hope you get pregnant too!!!! Its hard to keep persevering. Hope this one is it!!!

rcr- sorry, ugh I hope there is a chance. That would be the mindset I would have too.

[rcr]

Aura - I am sorry that happened to you. u/s techs have a knack for being jerks. I had a really bad experience with one when I was having a m/c. Glad you were able to cut costs with free meds. That is always so nice!! I would love to just be done with IF and give away meds to somebody too, it would feel so good.

AFM - it is 4 am and I have been up worrying. I just don't know what to do. I have been doing a little research about donor egg/sperm (especially both), and it is just unsettling to me. I have read that some children have a real problem with it as they grow up (especially when it is both donor sperm and egg instead of just one). They have higher rates of depression and suicide, than either adopted children or biological children. I worry that because I already have a biological DS, the donor embryo child will fell like less of the family. I am also afraid that I will feel differently about the child too - different than I feel about DS. DS is so much like me and DH, I can't imagine what it will be like raising a child who is not biologically connected to either of us. I wonder if they will feel like they are not part of the family. I worry that I will love it less.  I have been reading a parents via egg donation forum, and it seems like my fears are pretty common. I am not sure if I am ready, but if I wait too long for the embryo donation I will loose my chance with my old RE, since I finally made it to the top of the list, and if I don't do it they will just put me back down to the bottom of the list (it has been a 2 year wait). Part of me just wants to use my last IVF try (under insurance) with my own eggs again, and half donor sperm and half DH sperm, like last time. If it doesn't work (or does!), maybe I can be done with TTC. There is a big part of me that is just ready to be happy having only DS, but part of me that still wants to have another. I actually always pictured myself having three children. It has just been so long, and I am worn out from it all.

[teresaresa]

Deborah: I'm glad you've decided not to chart this month. Hopefully, you'll find some peace in not having to grab a thermometer first thing every morning :) I'm sorry about your class, but I think a B is pretty darn good considering everything you've been through recently! I'm so relieved to hear that you and your family are safe from the fires - you've been on my mind this last week. Did I miss the update on your OB appointment? Did they have any ideas on the weird pains?

Lyndi: Thank you so much for sharing about your beta numbers. This is all so scary and aggravating. I truly do feel as though I'm on a rollercoaster. Yesterday AM I was talking to my husband and I was totally thrilled because the sac had grown on the ultrasound. Then, I talked to him again in the afternoon and I was devastated because once again my beta didn't double. How did you keep your sanity through it all? I just keep thinking that all this stress can't be good for our little Al Seed :( Perhaps I need to get my tushie to yoga this weekend!!!

Lilac: Yay! (again) I'm so glad to have another ONE thread buddy over here :) I'm pretty sure someone else already said this, but I would call the insurance company back and ask to speak to a different benefits person. That's just ridiculous that she wouldn't know. It seems like everyone has an insurance company horror story on these forums :( Needles stink, but the menopur/gonal-f ones aren't bad at all.

Nese: SO excited for you to start your protocol in exactly one week!!! I did gonal-f and menopur. The mixing part is really not so bad, and in reality you don't have to mix the two (but then you have to give yourself separate shots.... ew!). I ended up using a TON of menopur, and that was the hardest part because I had to keep adding the diluted menopur from one bottle to the next. It's really not bad at all though! Just don't try to have a conversation while you're mixing (yeah, I had to toss some meds because I wasn't paying attention - I'm a dodo like that sometimes though!). Do you love your new RE?? I hope you do something super fun this weekend!

Blue: :( I'm sorry there was no free baby in the mix this month. Bow Wow Beach sounds like the BEST! I wish I were a pup sometimes ;-)  I echo Aura's sentiments - I can't believe you would ask if we mind. Even when I know I can't respond to posts, I come on just to see what cheery things you've said to everyone! You are a sparkly beacon of hope and encouragment. Thank you for always giving good advice and sending positive vibes!!!

rcr: I'm glad you made it home safe and sound. I totally understand preparing yourself for a BFN, and having a plan is always such a help. I'm still going to keep hope alive that you'll get a positive test on Monday. I was doing a lot of what-ifs on the phone with my mom last night. Namely, I'm terrified that if Al Seed hangs on that his slow growth as an embie means there will be something wrong with him as a baby. I know that's a terrible, horrible thing to think. And my mom said, "that's just the devil sitting on your brain." I've never heard that expression before, but it made me laugh. It's true though. We've been through so much as IF ladies, that I think it's harder for us than the average Jane to fight the creepy crawly thoughts. It totally sucks that there are statistics that say that donor embryo+donor sperm kids are more depressed. In the end, though, I think it's the love you shower you kids with that will make the difference. And, as for you not loving that baby just as much as DS, well.... I can only imagine how fearful that must be. But, I also think that that baby is going to grow inside of you for 9 months, and the bonds that will form between the two of you can't be so easily broken or ignored. Either way, at the end of the day, your heart will tell you what is best for you and your family. In the meantime, we're all here to support you. Sending you the biggest hug possible.

Kewpie80: I'm so excited for you to start the process again. Your babes are just so darn cute.... I can't wait to see their siblings :) I agree with the others that I would try for another fresh cycle since you're so young. Let us know what you decide!

Silver: That was so awesome of your clinic to transfer your sperm for free! So nice!

Aura: If you have a lot of embies, could they freeze some at day 3 and let others go to day 5? Or do they only freeze day 5 embies/blasts? It's such a hard call, but in the end you'll do what feels right. You definitely chose Dr. T for a reason, and he's right that it's probably a lot easier to make a decision about this stuff now rather than in the heat of the moment. Anyway, your embies are going to look awesome on Day 3, so you're not even going to have to worry about any of this! And, your u/s tech was legit cray-cray. Again, I'm not sure how you are so calm. I would have had to wield the u/s wand like a weapon :)

deportivo: Congrats! Great news! Sorry about the fight with your sister; that's a real stinker :(

renavoo: Thanks for the encouragement lady! It's hard thinking that I'm almost 7 weeks pregnant, and then finding out according to the u/s and b/w, I'm really only 5. I'm just dying to see a heartbeat so I can relax a little! I'm coming to stalk you on the grads side soon :)

AFM: Yesterday was a total rollercoaster. I was super happy after the u/s, then I got my beta in the afternoon and it hadn't doubled. So, I had a mini-meltdown at my desk. But then, I googled, and came across a great website. In it, I found a chart that said once your beta goes over 1200 it can take 72-96 hours to double. That made me feel better. I'm trying to relax and not think about. The suffocating heat here makes it hard to think about anything anyways :) Anyone have exciting plans for the weekend??

[deportivo4]

rcr- It must be such a struggle for you. I have thought of using donor sperm before. Wondered all of those things. I also worried about DH how jealous he might be etc. Such a tough decision. I hope you find peace with whatever you decide. I really wish you didn't have to go through this it isn't fare. My sister actually told me the other day if I only have one, that I should just be thankful for what I got. This bothered me so much coming from her because she could have as many kids as she wanted. I just don't think it is fare. I would like to have three too, but who knows whats going to happen now. I just think it is not fare.

[Silverbird]

Hi all I'll catch up with everyone when I'm home.

rcr: that is intresting and at odds with research I've read.  My uderstanding is that thoes issues were true in the past when children were not told untill they were older and it really aftected their life views and ment they felt decived.  My understanding for children who are told all their lives as if it's something normal that it's not such an issue.  Another issue is open idenity donnors which can help people satify their curiosity if they want to when thier older (though would not help with your donnor embryo).  Have you check out the donnor conception network? I beleive they have a lot of research.

Hope you can come to the right decison for you.

[deborahbgkelly]

Teresa- I thought I updated here, but I may have forgotten. It's always possible. They found nothing like cysts or fibroids, so they suspect Endo is already back. Lucky me. The good news is that there is a new drug for me to try if AF comes and it is supposed to help reduce cramping and lighten the amount of bleeding. Here's hoping I either don't need it or it works like a charm.

[Nese1972]

teresaresa, thank you so much for the uplifting, positive post!  :) 

rcr, i understand your struggle with the donor thing.  I had originally wanted to try this round with donor eggs and my husband talked me out of it because he had heard the same things you mentioned.  we decided that we would try with my eggs because of his concerns.

Heard from Freedom today and I will have all my meds tomorrow by noon.  I got confused because one calendar has menopur and gonal-f and the other has menopur and bravelle.  Nurse said it's definitely Bravelle.  I was also excited to find out that my copay for all of it was only $440!  I was sick to my stomach all last night thinking it was going to be into the thousands!  I'm going to be honest and say that I cannot wait to stop the bcp!  I have had steady bleeding since starting them.   

[blueyezz4]

Just popping in real quick... need to go to bed b/c I'm so tired tonight.  This will be a quick one.

Nese - glad you got the whole med thing figured out and 440 is awesome!!!  I just noticed your sig and was wondering what happened w/ your tubes?  Maybe I missed the explanation before. 

rcr - Sorry to hear about the BFN.  Did you ever hear back from the dr again since he was still waiting on numbers from the first one?  Sorry to hear you are stressing about the donor issues you read about. It can be so hard to know.  I'm sure it can also be the same way w/ adoption too, I'd think. Hopefully you can wrap your head around all of it.  Thinking about you.

Deborah - hope you won't even need the drugs but good you have them if you need to try them out.

Silver - things are getting closer for you!!! Yay!!!

Teresa - THanks for your kind words.  Sorry to hear you you have been on such a rollercoaster lately.  Keeping my fingers crossed and praying all turns out fine.  What is next for you?  Do you have another U/S soon?  Have you graduated from your RE yet or not yet?  We are suppose to go to an Indians baseball game this weekend but who knows w/ this hot weather and the storms lately.  DH got free tickets through work so that is about all we have going on this weekend which is kinda nice to have a pretty free weekend.

Aura - ughhh!  I can't believe that u/s tech.  I think if that happened to me I might anonymously tell someone b/c no one should be treated like that esp. another person suffering w/ IF.  Grrrr!!!  So excited for you this up coming cycle of yours!!!

Deport- Sorry to hear about the issue w/ your sister.  Hope things get figured out b/c you don't need any more stress!!!
 

[rcr]

Blue - i won't know for sure until Monday. The number only said "less than 5", and Dr. Fisch uses 2 as the cutoff, so it could have been 0, 1, or even 2 or 3 or 4. So I have to wait until my second test to see if it is over 5. He said that they use 2 as the cutoff because they test so early, but most REs use 5 (because they test later), so they don't even measure if it is less than 5. So, it could still be good news. You never know. I am not holding my breath though.

[deportivo4]

blue- that is really great to hear. man do I really apreciate the support from this site. No, she crossed so many lines. I thought we were fine but obviously she has some major problems with me that she wanted to air out from since we were kids basically. I have a pretty disfunctional family. I don't expect much from them. I just move on. I am just not really prepared to deal with that garbage right now. I really wish she would have expressed her not caring about IF a lot sooner and not now. I wish also she would have been sensitive to my feelings at this point.

Life is hard. What can I say, but if you don't have people to really support you it can be harder. I know some people have support, I am so thankful for that. IF can be lonely and some things can hurt so so deeply.

I want to forget, but actually she purposely used my sensitivity about IF to hurt me. I know most peo[;le would not do that but I guess it happens.

Anyways. bad bad timing. Hopefully I can find more people that have hearts. Not dealing with her though right now.

[auraleigh]

rcr, we've thought about these things too, but like silver said, i think a lot of these studies are outdated.  i also think that if you teach a child where they come from as they grow, it doesn't become an issue in the same way.  i can't even imagine being 18 and finding out your parents are not your biological parents.  but these days adopted kids even have their own children's books, and i wouldn't be surprised if ivf donor babies do too!  i can totally relate though, we struggled with these thoughts while looking for donor sperm, and i think at the end of the day you have to just make the choice that is right for you.  if you're staying up until 4am worrying, then maybe the whole idea just isn't sitting right with you.  how much time do you have to decide?  

blue, how nice to have a relaxing weekend!  and baseball games are so fun.  how hot is it by you?  it's going to be 100+ tomorrow here! i hope you, your dh and abby can keep cool!

nese, hooray for meds!  I have had great experiences with freedom, they are quick to deliver meds and my orders have always been perfect.  Their prices are not too bad, I'm glad your copay was much lower than you expected.  That's always a nice surprise!  good riddance to the bcps, they are a necessary evil.

teresa, they won't freeze at day 3, because if they can't make it to day 5, they wouldn't be worth freezing anyways! i'm going to be strong though.  i want a definitive answer and this is the only way i will get it.  i can't go through another two week wait if we aren't seeing any improvement.  convincing myself i'm pregnant and then finding out i'm not is way more painful for me.  ps, you're my hero.  al seed is staying put, because he's got such an amazing uterus to be in! it's unfair to keep testing betas because most pregnant women never even know a single beta number.  they have no reason to question every doubling, or not doubling, or almost doubling.  i can't wait for you to see a heartbeat.  how long do they think that will take? another few weeks?  

dh and i had a nice dinner out with my mom and her bf tonight, and then came home to watch the 21 Jump Street remake.  it was so funny!  it felt nice to just relax and laugh together.  it was a rough night last night because my dh is a diabetic, and he had a low blood sugar episode in the middle of the night.  he's never had it drop so low, and i almost had to take him to the hospital.  i've never been so scared in my life... he was unresponsive and couldn't speak or focus on me even thought i was standing right in front of him.  terrifying!  it does make me feel better though about using donor sperm.  my dh and i can manage his diabetes, but if we passed it knowingly on to our child, i don't know if i could forgive myself.  there is always a chance that our child could have "something", but at least i know we did our best to give them the best chance at a healthy life.    

tomorrow we're driving into the city to pick up more cetrotide!  i'm getting 4 from a very generous woman, and the bitchy nurse has softened up and managed to get me 3 more from a pharmacy in the city.  supposedly they are only giving out one per patient, but she pulled some strings for me and squeezed out three.  this means i only have three left to find, which i'm sure i can do.  i'm so close!  i have to say, the nurse has been really nice lately, and i'm beginning to think we may end up the cycle being friends!  i'll have to bake her something as a thank you.  all the pieces are falling into place.  i start stims this wednesday and then it's just another few days after that until i start monitoring for my trigger!  dh is leaving for san diego comic con on tuesday and will be gone all week long, so i'll probably do my shots and go to bed early just to keep relaxed and rested.  so....close......

[auraleigh]

rcr, i googled children's books and found these!  some of the titles made me laugh, they're pretty cute.

http://booksfordonoroffspring.blogspot.com/

[deportivo4]

rcr- I really hope that the next beta changes and that you have a really amazing suprise and healthy pregnancy!

aura- its crazy what you have to go through to get all your meds. I am glad that some people are being generous and giving some to you, thats great. I wish all of the costs and everything was so much easier. I almost gave myself a heart attack thinking that if the first ivf didn't work that I would have to wait another year to try again. One of the girls that I used to work with said that she was going to do ivf after her second miscarriage, I didn't think that she could afford ivf at all. Then I found out, if your tubes are blocked the entire procedure is covered by medical where I live. I know she had a tubal pregnancy the last one so I think that is how she would have been able to do ivf.

I really hope the embryo's go to day five though. Not having a difinitive answer wondering if you actually are pregnant etc. is nerve racking.

teresa- I absolutely agree with aura, I know a lot of women that have never checked their beta or done ultrasounds till late in their pregnancies. I also know of women who havn't seen much early on and go on to have strong, beautiful babies. I think that because of your perseverance and possitivity you are doing so great and that will benefit you little one so much. Doubling yeah most women have no idea and don't have to check if their hormones are doubling, but I think that the range of where your numbers should be varies a lot between women.

Your doing great, thinking of you and your little one. You seem very strong so you can do this. Can't wait for another update!

Blue- you will have to excuse my little rant about sister. My moodiness is not letting me let go and think of other things. I am going to our cottage this weekend and kyack, I wish I could go camping so many sites booked up. Bummer. I am an avid fisherman lol, so nice fishing at the cottage!

Our golden retriever loves the cottage! Loves to kayack with me lol or watch. Sometimes he cries cause he can't catch up with me!

Nese- Hope things are going well with you.

Deborah- yeah it is great to have the proper meds if you happen to really need it. I have had to go to the hospital before to get proper medication for pain. But those times may have been miscarriages too, I was younger and wasn't actively trying to get pregnant. So not sure. I thought maybe was endo cause of extreme pain. Havn't had that since though, my periods are painful but usually I don't take medication.

I hope you get pregnant fast and don't have to deal with that pain for awhile though!

Silver- thinking of you! Hope things are moving quickly for you!

afm- Hope everyone is doing well!!!! Have to go back to bed. I am going to the cottage. Fishing hopefully and kayacking. etc, etc. Just really need some fresh air!

[auraleigh]

deportivo, fishing and kayaking sounds lovely!  where is your cottage?  i am envious, my dream is to one day own a vacation home with my sister, on a quiet lake where we can have a dock for swimming and kayaking.  we actually rented a house in august for my birthday weekend and plan on spending the time with a bunch of my friends doing just that! i hope your weekend is relaxing!

rcr, how are you feeling?  did you get any rest last night? just wanted to let you know i was thinking of you today.

afm, i had a truly lovely day.  dh and i went into nyc to meet up with a woman to get some cetrotide she was giving away.  we've been emailing back and forth for the past two days, and it's crazy how much we have in common.  she has a very similar diagnosis as i do (PCOS, MTHFR) and our cycles have ended similarly.  she's now moved on to donor eggs, and it was really interesting to hear how that all works.  when we met today she was even nicer in person, and i feel like i have gained yet another friend in this crazy infertility journey.  a big thank you to teresa for hooking us up! 

we then drove over to the pharmacy that my nurse found for me and picked up the three boxes of cetrotide, so now i have seven to add to my total.  dh and i drove downtown, had an amazing brunch at a restaurant i had been curious to try out, and came home and took a luxurious two hour nap.  the heat was draining!  then we continued our date day/night and went to see spiderman in 3d.  it was a really fun movie! 

things have been really good lately.  i have to take a moment to just be grateful, because i feel as if i have spent so much time complaining on here.  i feel healthy, my dh has been wonderfully supportive, people have been coming out of the woodwork to lend a hand or offer love and support.  i feel like i'm in good hands with dr t, and regardless of what happens, i know i'm going into this cycle with the best possible circumstances.  if it doesn't work, then i know i tried my best.  but right now, i feel like i'm finally in a good place.  thank you ladies for being here, for listening, and for sharing.  i can't imagine getting this far without you! i hope this doesn't sound too sappy, i just wanted to share.