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QQOTD- Queer Question of the Day - Page 6

post #101 of 196

Hmmm I've been trying hard to think of something I feel guilty or embarrassed about and I haven't come up with anything. I guess I feel slightly guilty about how much I love fatty, greasy foods.....french fries, poutine, nachos, burgers, etc. Not fast food type stuff (McDonald's, etc - blech) but still filled with grease and decadence! I mostly feel guilty about it because I need to lose weight and I know I shouldn't be eating it.

post #102 of 196

Mmmm, Carmen, grease-filled decadence sounds delicious, haha.  


I should clarify too, I think the Sookie books are delightfully clever, and Charlene Harris has awesome ideas about otherworldly type creatures and their associated plotlines. It's the technical writing that I think is not great.  I find it annoyingly repetitive, which tends to be the plague of long series.  I still have read all the books several times and I watch True Blood, though it's swinging wildly away from the series that I've grown attached to.  Though I haven't gotten the most recently released book... yet.  The last couple books have been a let-down.  We shall see.  

post #103 of 196

Desert, the last book was a bit of a let down too, it's another transitional book  (enough with the darn transitional books, I want to get on with it!)

post #104 of 196

Desert- Good question!


My guilty pleasure would be watching awful TV. Shows like Desperate Housewives, Glee and Once Upon a Time. I love watching them but I hate admitting it! I also went through a (very short) phase where I watched Teen Mom. Sheepish.gif Even as I type this I am wondering if I should actually admit it! Haha

post #105 of 196
Thread Starter 

Guilty pleasures-- I don't feel guilty about indulging in pop culture because I love it so much and I'm not embarrassed about it.  It's what makes me so good a trivia.  Although, I was watching Toddlers & Tiaras with some house guests once, and one of them said she finally understood the meaning of the phrase "guilty pleasure" because she actually felt guilty watching that show.  It was pretty funny.  I do enjoy the guilty pleasures of food that is bad for me.  My wife is out of town so I got a fast food fish sandwich with sweet potato fries the other day.  The food was not the most delicious, and I felt guilty just being in the restaurant.  We don't have as many fast food restaurants around here and they tend to be kinda low class, for lack of a better word.  For example, this one had no napkins or condiments or soda machines out in the restaurant.  You have to ask for everything because they must be too worried about the stuff being stolen.  Anyway...


I love the Sookie Stackhouse novels!  The stories are crazy and Sookie nearly dies every other chapter, but they're great.  I haven't read the most recent one ever.  I saw an ad that said it was the last one, and that made me sad so I am trying to save it for later.  I'm very picky about the fiction I read, and I just couldn't stop reading those.  I have some in paperback if someone needs them.  We just started watching the last season of True Blood that's on DVD, and it is diverging pretty wildly from the books.  That's good and bad.

post #106 of 196

New QQOTD, if I may:


There are lots of great words for "Mom" out there, like "Mama," etc., and they can be names we love for whatever reason. But it's hard to get around the fact that "mom" is also the default term for "mother" for most Americans. At Mother's Day, all the cards in my local store said "Mom" or "Mother," except for one that said "Mama," and it wasn't a great card. I keep thinking that when my kid first goes to school, everyone will say "your mom," and it will sound like they're only talking about one of his/her moms if we have different names. For those who use different names, how do your child and the non-"Mom" deal with this? When you chose who would be called "Mom," did you consider who was the non-gestational parent -- like giving that person the "Mom" title to help establish a connection with the baby?


We have pretty much made this decision on the surname -- that since my wife is the ngp, the baby should have her last name. We are not interested in altering our own surnames to match one another. But we're very noncommittal on the "mom" issue.


I know there have been discussions on here about what names people use. I'm more interested in the issue of how people are deciding whether to use an alternative "mom" term, and how it's worked out.

post #107 of 196

hey Outdoorsy,


DP is taking the "mom" name, partly because we want her to have that connection as the NGP and partly because she's Canadian by birth and this is the title that's most familiar to her, and the one she uses with her own mom.  I grew up in Ireland, and use ma, mam, mammy to talk to my own mother. These words use a pretty flat 'a' sound and are difficult for North Americans to pronounce (DP can't say them properly, for instance), so I'm going to use mama instead. I have friends that use mom and mama and it works for them. I have other friends that don't have a particular title that they pre-decided on, and I think they just waited for their son to make the differentiation.  Both have worked out well.

post #108 of 196
hiya outdoorsy!! to answer your question, i've never wanted to be mom or mommy and here it sounds way too much like the word for grandma. DPI is quite naturally going for maman and i will be mama (pronounced more like momma...the name my mother used for her mother) mama is also used in maaany countries over here, so it will fit right in if we move to Spain lke we want.

and now back to my latest (not so) guilty pleasure..... draw something :-D (after several days of very guilty food pleasures. but seriously, the baby needed the fish and chips and crepes...and banoffee ice cream..um, etc.)
post #109 of 196
I have been Baba for nearly a decade.

I was the bio-mom the first time so I encourage their mama to pick what she liked best. She liked mama and I went with baba because it is easy to say/differentiate and I never worried anyone would mistake me for anyone else. My kids don't give store bought cards, so it has never been an issue.

The only time it came up, my oldest was playing on the porch when he was 3 1/2. Some men walked up, asked, "Are your mom and dad home?" He said, "No." and they left. For a few years I would remind the kids that if someone asks about "Mom" they needed to direct them to their mama or me. We seperated 5 years ago, so they have had seperate and distinct families for ages. It still throws me a little when people see my kids and look for a deferent set of moms.

Funny story, when I was 3, I gave my mom a card with her first name on it because I didn't know how to spell mom.

DD frequently spells it when she wants me. "Hey B A B A?" ("Yes B A B Y?")

With the new babies, I wanted to keep baba and Sara likes mama. S calls me Baba already and calls Sara Mama, tho less frequently. And I use the word Mom occasionally with all the kids so they are less confused when others use it.
post #110 of 196
Thread Starter 

Perhaps I lack creativity or am lazy or just old-fashioned, but I just want to be called "Mom."  It's simple.  I told my wife this and she was like, "What about me?  I guess you get to decide."  Oops.  I didn't mean to be selfish.  I think she was just kidding though.  She is thinking about going by Mama Sun because her nickname is Sunny.  I think that sounds nice.  It wouldn't bother me if she wanted to be Mom too.  I guess we'll just figure it out as we go along.  The kid(s) might have their own ideas.

I can see how having 2 different names is useful in terms of avoiding confusion.

post #111 of 196

Good point, seraf. We can still familiarize the kids with the noun "mom" even if they call us by other names.


I just wouldn't want my child to wonder if the one named "Mom" was the "real mom" (blech). But I guess this anxiety comes because I don't actually have a kid yet.

post #112 of 196
Outdoorsy, my oldest toyed with the phrase "real mom" for about a month. We have always been open with them about where they came from. They know they were conceived with the help of a donor and they know their birth stories, but they have forgotten from time to time who gave birth to them. Sometimes they thought their mama gave birth to one, but they can't remember who. When O was 6 or 7 he said something about me being his "real mom." I told him that his mama did all the same things for him that every mom does for their children, with the exception of giving birth. He didn't have the language to explain that he was using the phrase "real mom" to imply biology, but that was what it came down to. Not a difference in love for her.

Before that, when he was 5ish, I asked how he felt about not having a dad. He said, "I do have a dad. You." That cracked me up, and I think it had something to do with his perception of masculinity and femininity, but watching them go through the standard phases where they identify more with the mom, then the dad, then the parent of their own gender, he clearly adores his mama, but identifies more with me. I'm not butch in the slightest and he has many men in he life, but it has been interesting to watch him grow.

Little sister is much less expressive of these things and now very clear on some things but unclear on others. She is very into skirts, like her mama, has short hair like her mama, has certain food preferences like her mama. At our house, she is taken with Sara. She wants to do everything that Sara does, except chew with her mouth closed. I see how we divide along gender lines All The Time, if I was a boy. It's often Sara and A and the boys and me.

This went way off track, I think my kids have this perception that I'm not a woman, even tho I identify as one. They question the mom thing, possibly because I'm not like the other moms they know. Our families are all so different, it's harder to draw parallels but the kids don't seem to struggle because it's all they know. I mean, it's not like they can't have more than one sister/brother/grandma/cousin, why not more than one mom?
post #113 of 196

I go by Mama and DP is Mommy. DD got it really quickly and never calls either of us anything else (except she thinks are "real" names are funny). I chose Mama because I like it and it worked out well because DP preferred Mommy. I don't think it is a big deal in terms of other people's perceptions...DD goes to daycare 2 days a week with 4 other kids (one is also a 2 mom family) - the kids with a daddy and mommy will sometimes call me Skylar's Mommy or Mom and never say Mama. DD doesn't seem confused by it at all. I think she realizes already that there are different ways to say "Mommy" or "Mama." So far, it hasn't been an issue. Also, with so many different cultures in our city there are lots of different names. Maybe it will be different as she gets older. As for cards, we just make our own anyway ;)

post #114 of 196

we go by "mama" and "mommy" too.  our kids have never seemed confused by it. our 2.5 year old will readily tell you "i have two moms, mommy and mama."  extended family will sometimes mess it up, but the kids correct them in a heartbeat winky.gif

post #115 of 196

We're Mama and Baba. We explored other names (for a while, I wanted to go with not using Mama, Mommy, or Mom), but ultimately Mama was what felt most comfortable for me and Baba was what felt most comfortable for my partner. It's worked out great!

post #116 of 196

We're a Mama and Baba family too.  Just today someone asked E about her daddy, to which she replied, "I don't have a daddy.  Or a papa or a dada.  I have a BABA."  The woman said, "A Baba?  Is that your grandma?"  E started to get a little frustrated at this point and said, "No, my Baba is my BABA!"  The woman looked at me.  I said, "Her baba is her other parent."  E overheard and said, "Yeah, my baba is my other parent.  My baba is my BABA!"  The lady looked at me, still confused.  "My partner.  Her 'other mom' for lack of a better descriptor." 

To which the woman said, "Oh, I get it!  We're called mama and mommy in our house."


post #117 of 196
Originally Posted by starling&diesel View Post

We're a Mama and Baba family too.  Just today someone asked E about her daddy, to which she replied, "I don't have a daddy.  Or a papa or a dada.  I have a BABA."  The woman said, "A Baba?  Is that your grandma?"  E started to get a little frustrated at this point and said, "No, my Baba is my BABA!"  The woman looked at me.  I said, "Her baba is her other parent."  E overheard and said, "Yeah, my baba is my other parent.  My baba is my BABA!"  The lady looked at me, still confused.  "My partner.  Her 'other mom' for lack of a better descriptor." 

To which the woman said, "Oh, I get it!  We're called mama and mommy in our house."



Wonderful story! I just read this aloud to my partner (who we call Baba) and our DD and they both liked it too and then our DD said "MY Baba is my Baba too!"

post #118 of 196

Interesting how the apparent les/bi woman assumed your daughter had a dad in her life.

post #119 of 196
We just ended up letting DD choose...which was super frustrating coralline those around us. smile.gif But neither of us felt super connected to any parent names. We are now MaBeth and MaColeen. She says Mama when she doesn't care which one comes.
post #120 of 196

So do we have any more QQOTDs?  If not, maybe I will try to think of one...

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