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QQOTD- Queer Question of the Day

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#1 ·
Hello everybody!

I'm bored so I decided to start my own thread and, I hope, get some people talking.
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Here's your chance to entertain me.
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There was an old Chatty Queers Unite thread that I believe Sara or Seraf started, so with that as inspiration, here we go!

QQOTD - How did you meet your sweetie? Or, if you're single, tell us a story about that.

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#2 ·
I suppose I could answer the question. I met my DW through Match.com, but we quickly figured out that we knew people in common and had met once before. When we met, we were living in California, but we are both from Ohio. We were both at Ohio State at the same time, and she was dating someone I knew. In fact, that person was my roommate for a short time before I moved to California. I remember complaining that I never saw this roommate because she was always hanging out with her new girlfriend. A few years later my DW became friends with her ex, my roommate, who had also moved out here. The roommate got married and then quickly divorced, but we are still good friends with two of her exes. Luckily, the drama is in the past.
 
#3 ·
Pokey,

Sara and I also met online, but not on match.com. I was living in Pittsburgh at the time, just having finishing college. We talked for a week, had a date set for a few weeks from then and I fell in love the moment I saw her! We dated for a year of 3.5 hours between us and then she asked me to move in with her and the kiddos.
 
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#4 ·
Great question! My DP and I met in grad school, at a queer grad student social. We were sitting across the room from each other, and I looked up and saw DP sitting there and it was electric.

Unfortunately, I already had a girlfriend! So it took us the better part of a year and no small amount of queer drama to finally get together. But really I knew from the second I saw DP from across the room and felt my heart skip a beat.
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#5 ·
Recently DW and I decided to write the story of how we met down separately and see what we each remembered and what stood out to each of us. It's quite long, so I'm putting it in a spoiler. The first one is DW and the second one is me!

[SPOILER=How we met]

Teri, February 2005

It all started when she skated on to the rink for her first roller derby practice. I had been involved for about five months and had skated in my first game a week before. At that practice I was chosen by the coach to teach Ashleigh how to fall; it is important to fall certain ways to avoid hurting yourself. She was a natural and we soon joined the rest of the group.
We quickly became friends. We were both students at the U of A and only knew a few other people in town. I had moved from a small town a little less than an hour away and she moved from the Phoenix area. We would carpool to practices and hang out afterwards. While everyone else went to the bars, we would go get dessert or skate around downtown since we were only 18. Sometimes other people would join us, a friend, a roommate, or maybe someone else from roller derby, but the two of us together became the norm.

One night stands out in my memory and we both recount it often. I invited her over to watch a movie (it happened to be a lesbian coming out movie, go figure). There was a rain storm that night, so after the movie we grabbed a blanket and watched the storm from my porch. I'm not sure why it came up, but after a while we decided it would be fun to paint a mural on one of the doors in my bedroom. By the time we finished it was morning. We went to the store and got the ingredients for my family recipe French toast. I think this would be when we started "dating", although neither of us realized it until weeks later.

We were both still vaguely dating boys, but Ashleigh identified as bisexual. We both started coming up with excuses to cancel dates and spend time with each other instead. Since she lived in the dorms, we spent a lot of time at my house.

Ashleigh started to stay the night at my house more and more often. She would sleep in my bed, but everything was still platonic. I guess my first red flag was the twinge of jealousy I felt when she mentioned she had a crush on another girl in roller derby. I told myself it was nothing, and definitely didn't mention it to her. Slowly things began to change, a touch here, a look there; I started to acknowledge my feelings and think maybe she had feelings in return.

Suddenly, she withdrew. I was crushed and more confused than ever. Obviously I had been wrong and she was trying to put some distance between us. Finally she came to my house after practice. It was the last day of classes at the University and we had a day off before finals started. She decided to stay over, although she was more distant, both physically and emotionally. Since I lived in a college neighborhood, all of our neighbors were celebrating the end of the school year. Very loudly.

Between the raucous neighbors and my preoccupation about Ashleigh's new attitude, I had a very hard time sleeping. After tossing and turning, getting water, tossing some more, using the bathroom (too much water), then lying awake staring at the ceiling, she finally asked me what was wrong. I don't remember most of the conversation, but she said something about me being the "straight girl" and I told her I wasn't so sure anymore. I could see her look of shock and the glimmer of hope in the semidarkness. I found all of the courage I could, and trembling, I leaned in and I kissed her…

Ashleigh, February 2005

Early in my second semester at the University of Arizona, I was looking for activities to entertain myself and my roommate in our spare time. My mother, from my parents' home 100 miles away, had been doing internet searches and emailed me, suggesting I look into Tucson Roller Derby. I checked out the website, I pored over photos, and immediately I was hooked. I emailed Mom back that night to tell her that I certainly wasn't going to go watch roller derby, but that I was going to play roller derby instead! She replied that she figured I might say that.

I went to my first practice that Sunday night, newly purchased skates and gear slung over my shoulder. I'd never actually skated in quad speed skates before, so I was slightly apprehensive of making a fool of myself - but not enough to stop me trying.

I arrived and introduced myself to the coach, who promptly assigned me to a more experienced skater to teach me the basics. Her name was Teri. She was young and cute, and skated up to me with a smile on her face and a CareBear on her t-shirt.

Teri stuck with me that whole practice, helping me with technique and encouraging me when I felt I wasn't doing well. After practice was over, she offered to drive me to the following practice on Wednesday, as it was held at a different location that was more difficult to find. I immediately took her up on her offer.

Over the next few months, we spent every practice working hard alongside one another. Often, we would get together with other girls from the league to have coffee or ice cream or watch movies. Teri quickly became one of my best friends and I recall spending nights over at her house simply so I didn't have to bother going home only to come back to Teri's house the next day.

Without realizing it, I suddenly faced the realization that my feelings for Teri were more than friendly feelings. Let's be clear here that nowhere in this discovery was there room for pure, simple, and straightforward lust. There was nothing simple about the way I felt for Teri. These weren't physical feelings, but rather an intense emotional attachment. I was crazy for this girl; I craved her presence, her laughter, and any smiles she shot my way warmed my heart.

These feelings were simultaneously welcomed and feared. I worried I wouldn't be able to maintain my friendship with her; I worried about telling her the truth and repulsing her and losing her. She had mentioned ex-boyfriends and was dating intermittently a guy she met through the university. At the time, I was identifying as bisexual and was in no kind of relationship. I'd told her about my occasional attraction to women. She had never admitted any curiosity in turn, so my sole conclusion was that she was off-limits. I was so filled with sadness over this that I felt I had no choice but to withdraw from the emotional relationship we'd begun to kindle.

Then one evening it all changed. We had fun watching a movie, and sitting out on her front porch watching the rain slick the pavement while sipping Dr Pepper. I don't know that I'll ever forget those things. Nor would I want to. We ended up staying up the entire night, laughing and spontaneously painting her closet door and then in the morning she made me her family's version of French toast. I recall thinking that I never wanted to leave.

Not too long after that evening, the semester ended and I found myself staying the night at her house yet again. As torturesome as it was to me, it happened that there were no spare beds at Teri's house and it was a logical conclusion that I'd just share her bed. I lay on the right side of her aging mattress (which is still the side of the bed I sleep on, even to this day!), rolled on my side and facing away from her. I held onto the edge of the mattress to keep myself balanced in the bed as I felt the mattress creak and shift under my weight. Teri, on the other side of the bed, was flopping around in what seemed to be an attempt to get comfortable. She got out of bed a couple times as well, only to return minutes later and allow the dance of insomnia to continue.

Half out of exasperation and half out of morbid curiosity, I asked her what was the matter. She didn't quite know. She was full of hesitation and uncertainty - things I didn't know her to be. Eventually it came out that Teri was questioning the way she identified. She expressed fear about the unknown, about what having feelings for me would mean for her. I reached out and squeezed her hand in mine, and told her that I was scared too.

I moved closer to her, and as the anxious breaths from our respective mouths mingled in the air between us, I closed my eyes and felt time come to a halt. My skin was electrified, my body buzzed with heat and anticipation; certainly sparks had to be shooting from my fingertips as I gripped Teri's hand. My heart pounded in my chest, and I opened my eyes in time to see Teri lean in and touch her lips to mine.



[/SPOILER]

Here are a few pictures from later that year:

[IMG alt="TeriAshCouch.jpg" data-id="251262" data-type="61"]http://cdn.mothering.com/8/8e/600x399px-LL-8ebd8450_TeriAshCouch.jpeg[/IMG]

[IMG alt="T & A.jpg" data-id="251263" data-type="61"]http://cdn.mothering.com/5/57/600x390px-LL-579ece3b_TA.jpeg[/IMG]
(If you can see, our names on our uniforms are Bolshe Vixen and Dirty Teri. The commies vs. the cops. LOL.)

[IMG alt="bike.jpg" data-id="251264" data-type="61"]http://cdn.mothering.com/6/6a/600x397px-LL-6a10229c_bike.jpeg[/IMG]
 
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#6 ·
Chatty Queers reunite !!!

Great QQOTD

DP and I met .... online... I was not looking and had been enjoying single life ! But when my ex and I broke up (2 ish years before I met DP) I had signed up for a free 2 yr profile on Eharmony's "gay" website Compatible Partners...

One day i got an email from DP and I was confused as to why I was getting an email..I had forgotten about the site and that i had a profile on there.. Well we spent months emailing each other , talking on the phone for hours ( talking 5 am here) she lived 3 hrs away .. we met...and it was instant.. 4 months after our 1st email she moved out here for a live in nanny position.. she had her own little cottage...She never spent more than a night there ;) And now here we are :)
 
#8 ·
Fun!!! I'm loving all the stories and the photos already. Fabulous Rollergirls! And BolsheVixen is flawless.

DP and I met when I was living in London. I'd had some roommates and even though I'd moved out, we were still friends. They invited me to a poker party and I met lots of new fun gals. One of the poker gals asked me out and we met up at a club/venue called the Battersea Barge, an actual barge at moor on the Thames. It was a mixed straight/gay evening and very full. There was a table of straight people right behind our table, and when DP-to-be came in, I saw her and thought 'That girl is FOXY!! No way she's queer'. She started heading our way and I was sure she was headed for the table behind us but instead she came right up to us. Jane (my poor date) said "Oh, my friend is joining us!" and I said "Hello friend! Come and sit by me!" When she found out I was from Oklahoma she said "My favorite band, the Flaming Lips, are from Norman" to which I replied "I am also from Norman!!" We chatted all evening and when it was time to go I asked for her number. She said she never called her cell phone and didn't remember the number, but if I gave her my number she'd call me. I thought "Well, at least she's giving me the polite brush-off" but then she actually called the next day. Yay! We went to the movies, a documentary which turned out to be filmed in shaky hand-held camera which made her violently ill, but she agreed to go out with me again anyway and the rest is history!!! I still feel sorry for my date that evening, but to her credit, she now claims pride in having introduced us, so maybe there's no hard feelings...
 
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#9 ·
The short version I tell people is that "A friend of mine and a friend of K's (my spouse) went to college together, and we met at a party given by K's friend".

Of course, it's much more complex than that. ;) My "friend" in the above was actually also my ex, and in classic **** fashion, we became good friends and housemates about 18 months AFTER we broke up... meanwhile, her college roommate had dated K's friend for a while, and I had dated the college roommate too!

Also, K and I had run into each other several times before the party meetup. I was one of the facilitators for a group called Bi Request in Manhattan, and K had shown up to that several times. K and I had also marched in the NYC Pride Parade together, under the Bi Request banner. AND K had answered an online personal of mine, at one point, though neither of us realized that we had met at Bi Request already!

A few days after we chatted at the above party (which was actually a goth club night at which K was the tarot reader), I got a response to a *different* online personal I placed, and it was K again! We now joke that the universe was trying to push us together for almost five years, and we were too blockheaded to realize it. :)

Anyway, it's been quite a ride since then. We started dating (FINALLY) at the end of '99; moved in together in 2001; went through 9/11 together; both got initiated into Vodou around 2003-2004; then K came out as trans in 2006 (and transitioned fulltime for a year before deciding he identified as genderqueer); were legally partnered in 2007; handfasted in 2008; relocated to another city in 2009; moved back to the NYC metro area nine months later; took over caregiving for my mom; and just welcomed a daughter at the end of 2011. (Phew.)

If you made it through the above teal deer, you deserve the vegetarian-friendly snack of your choice...
 
#11 ·
OK, I feel like I'm going to be totally showing my age, but here goes.

We met at a feminist coffee house (do they even have those anymore?). She was part of the Vagina Squad (defenders of vaginas everywhere!), singing goofy songs, dressed as a vagina super hero. I was doing oh-so-serious improvisational modern dance with my lesbian dance collective. She told her friend who told my friend who told me that she thought I was cute. My friend told me to give her a chance. We next met at a winter solstice celebration at the UU church, and we hit it off, so a few weeks later I invited her to a slumber party with my dance friends. Yeah, that was bold! We walked out into a cow pasture on a crispy, starry January night, she put her arm around me and said, "I'd like to see more of you."

That was almost 20 years ago, folks. Amazing.
 
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#12 ·
CI Mama - That's an awesome story! It just gets better and better. I wanna join the Vagina Squad!

Sara - We would like to move to Pittsburgh someday to be closer to our families. It seems like a great city, but I don't know much about living there. When we were in Ohio for a wedding reception we had, we stopped by to visit the Children's Museum because I am a huge Mister Rogers' fan. It was pretty cool.

glassesgirl - You weren't kidding. That is complicated, but it all worked out because it was meant to be.

LibraryGirl - That was pretty smooth of you. I'm glad your original date came to see the event as a positive for her too.

Cananny - I love that the website is called "Compatible Partners." That's hilarious. But, I guess it turned out to be absolutely true.

Desert - Wow! I love that you both took the time to write that out for posterity. It's a great story. I think we've all had those moments when we were unsure and scared and then we had to be bold and go for it.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I thought it would be nice to have some conversations that weren't just about TTC or babies. I love those conversations too, but I'm trying not to get too obsessed or burnt out on the whole process. It's nice to get to know you all better. I'll post a new question later today.
 
#13 ·
Not to correct anything Sara wrote, but she told me I was "special" because I climbed through a hole in a wall while on the first date.

CI mama, 20 years is a long time, but so cool.

Desert, love the pics.

Here's one of us in the beginning on our first and only trip out of the country (I need to get a passport).

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#14 ·
DP and I met online, too, sort of. I was living in a rented room--every time I'd done that before it was a nice setup, but this house turned out to be a crash pad for med students on rotation, so there was a constant parade of new roommates, all keeping weird hours, and one creepy lawyer dude who would do things like leave the front door open (wide open) and leave for the day. No good. So I went on craigslist and answered the only ad with decent spelling. The night I moved in both of my new roommates announced that they were making online dating profiles--and DP was looking for ladies. I kind of shrugged at that one (she was pretty newly out to herself, so wanted to be clear on her objectives, I think). We spent the next three weeks going on walks and getting to know each other. I thought she was hot and apparently vice versa, but she assumed I was straight so even my blatant flirting (come pet my hair! rub my feet! I get so lonely going to bed all by myself!) didn't quite get me anywhere.
Then there was a hurricane pointed at Ft. Lauderdale, so we all got in a tizzy preparing (the year before there had been one that knocked out the power for several days). Each of us showed up at home that night with a serious amount of alcohol, prepared to wait out hte storm. After a couple hours it became clear that the hurricane wasn't going to hit, so our other roommate looked at us flirting, rolled her eyes, and went back to study in her room. DP asked if I wanted to go walk in the puddles. We did that and almost kissed in the pool but not quite. Then we came home to watch a movie and i think we got all of 5 minutes in before we started making out.
We still have the roommate ad and our initial emails, as well as pictures of us sopping wet from the walk.
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#15 ·
The night we met

That's from the night DP and I met. We both played roller derby and our teams were playing each other. Our bout was a double header and I was playing in the first game. DP's team was there to watch before her game. So apparently I stood out to DP during my game and she reffered to me as "the girl in rainbow panties." During the game I injured my knee and I had to sit the second game. I remember noticing a really awesome jammer, but I didn't think twice about it.

Well after the game I almost didn't go to the after party. My knee was hurting, but I decided to go and sit for a little while. So I was sitting outside on the patio with my knee propped up on a chair and I notice this girl with amazing enegry walking into the after party. She was laughing and had the biggest smile, just full of life. I made a comment to one of my team mates that she was really cute. Come to find out one my the girls that skated on my team, knew one of the girls she was hanging out with. So I had my friend take me over and introduce me to their group of people. Immediately DP and I hit it off. We spent the rest of the night chatting and semi-flirting. When it was time to go she got my number and we texted until the sun came up.

The rest, as they say, is history. We have been together ever since then. What we had to go through to be together is an entire novel in itself, but this pretty much sums up how we met. :)
 
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#16 ·
Thanks everyone! I hope you are enjoying the holiday weekend, those of you in the US. We had a lovely cookout with 2 couples and one 14-year-old lesbian who is the foster child of our friends. She is getting ready to go to Gay Prom with her girlfriend. It's very exciting.

QQOTD - Read any good books lately?

I just finished reading Why be Happy When you Could be Normal? by Jeanette Winterson. It's her memoir. Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit was semi-autobiographical, and this book tells the story of her life up to present day. Like the character in her book, she was also adopted by strict Pentecostal parents. It is very well-written and it's a really interesting story. The best memoir I have read recently is Lit by Mary Karr. She is a poet and you can tell that in the beautiful way she writes her memoirs.
 
#17 ·
Good question! Thanks pokey!

I just finished a sci-fi novel, Remnant Population by Elizabeth Moon. It was pretty good, I found it to be an interesting read every time I picked it up and I looked forward to reading it. It was a quick and easy read. It's about a colony on another planet that gets "cancelled" if you will, and the whole colony is ordered to pack up and move to another colony on another planet. One older woman decides she just isn't going to go, so it's about her and then the way she discovers a new lifeform on the planet that was never discovered in the forty years the colonists lived there.

I'm also almost finished with Spiritual Midwifery, by Ina May Gaskin. I found it to be incredibly empowering - maybe too much so, if that's possible. It makes me feel inclined to just stay here at home and that I could deliver our baby, lol. It is pretty funny because it really shows its age in the birth stories section. Everything is "psychedelic" and "trippy" and "far out". Which makes me laugh. But I appreciate learning Ina May's beginnings, and reading everyone's stories. In the later half of the book, it goes through step by step what care homebirth midwives should provide, as well as info about measuring a pelvis, determining baby's positioning, and how to troubleshoot unusual or difficult deliveries. Very interesting read!

P.S. - hippiemombian, how funny that there are so many roller derby folks here! dandylez also is a rollergirl. Or was, before she got the nine month injury, lol. Where do you guys play?
 
#18 ·
Yay, books! I also really liked the WInterson memoir. My friend sent me Momma Zen by Karen Maezen ******, which has been really wonderful for this stage of life. She's a zen buddhist priest and writes about the acts of mothering as part of spiritual practice. I'm not doing it justice (no sleep!), but I'd recommend it to all of us. The chapters are short (easy to read while feeding a baby) and her points about staying grounded and honest and present really do seem to apply to my life, at least.
 
#19 ·
Great thread! Sorry I missed its beginning. Love that there are two roller derby stories out there!! Desert, those pics are fantastic!

DP and I met at the start of September a few years ago. A woman I had had a brief relationship with invited me to an end-of-summer pool party, and I was 99% intent on not going, but changed my mind last minute. Everyone was out of their minds drunk and the only two sober people were me and my now DP. DP was a good friend of the host, who was also my ex, but for some reason we had never met before this party. We clicked right away, and talked all evening. We ended up putting the very drunk host to bed, seeing off all the other guests, and cleaning up after the party, and then I drove her home. I was absolutely resolute that I was not looking for a relationship, and was very content with being single for a while. DP was in the same head space. But we exchanged phone numbers anyway, and after several "non-dates" of hiking and hanging out, we ended up in my car in her driveway, with her asking if she could kiss me. We had our first proper date a couple of nights later, and the rest is history. I had some serious commitment issues after being badly hurt before, but after a week-long trip down to Savannah, GA by myself, I came home knowing that I wanted to share all future trips and memories with her. That night we decided to get married, and to plan for kids, and here we are, married with our first on the way.

This is us about a month after we started dating... at a roller derby bout, no less! :)

DSC_0076.jpg

I have a ton of books on the go! Since I just speed-read my way through all of Game of Thrones and The Hunger Games, I had to put away the fun books and focus on work. I won't mention the work ones, but I've also got The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, published by La Leche League on my bedside table at home. It's great to get a sense of what to expect.
 
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#20 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by DesertSunsets View Post

P.S. - hippiemombian, how funny that there are so many roller derby folks here! dandylez also is a rollergirl. Or was, before she got the nine month injury, lol. Where do you guys play?
We are on a break right now, but we played in Central Florida. DP originally played in Jacksonville, Fl when we met, then she moved down here and we played on Thunder City Derby Sirens before we decided to take a life break.
 
#22 ·
Desert - I never read Spiritual Midwifery because it seemed a little technical for me, and I'm not interested in becoming a midwife. I am a doula working on my certification and I have read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It's very good. I would recommend people who are about to have babies only read the first 2 sections and maybe save the third for later because it could be distressing. In the second part she talks about her theories on birth which are very enlightening. She may talk about those in Spiritual Midwifery also, I don't know.

Also, I have her newest book, Birth Matters but I haven't read it yet. .

Right now I'm reading Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner by Jen Lancaster. She writes funny memoirs that area a little goofy sometimes but lots of fun. This one is about her reluctantly learning how to be an adult.
 
#24 ·
QQOTD -- Besides roller derby and chasing toddlers, what to you like to do for physical activity/exercise?

I belong to a gym, and I will usually go there and spend about 40 minutes on the elliptical while I watch trashy TV. Lately, Real Housewives of Orange County is on every time I go. I like the elliptical because it's good aerobic exercise and it's low impact. I like the Housewives because they're ridiculous.

I also do vinyasa flow-style yoga 2 times a week or so. I started going to reduce my stress and find balance as I TTC, but I really got hooked. It's been a long time since I did yoga regularly and I'm glad I got back into it. It makes me feel stronger, and it is good for stretching tight muscles. My studio is convenient to get to after work and on the weekends, and I pay $50 for a month of unlimited classes. They have good teachers and lots of classes. I take level 1-2 during the week and a level 1-prenatal ok class that is more gentle. Besides these things, I walk quite a bit because I like it and because we don't have a car.
 
#26 ·
Ha! we pay for a y membership, which i lilke to think of as charity...

hippiemombian--we'll probably end up there at some point--DP went to school there and her best friend still lives in the area. if we do we'll drop you a line!
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