My Dad's birthday is the 21st, and sometimes it is the same day as Father's Day so he kind of gets the short end of the stick. I sent him a card and a nice book with little essays about fatherhood. It seemed like a sweet and interesting book. I called him yesterday, but he wasn't home so I left a message. I will call him again on his birthday. My family is also on the other side of the country, and I miss a lot of the celebrations because of this. My Dad and I have gotten closer lately. A big part of that is because my wife and I went to visit him and his wife for a couple days and we had a lot of fun. They get along well and have a lot in common. It's nice to have a partner that my family likes so much. My Dad and I still have a hard time talking to each other about important things though. We are very much alike in this way. We would rather send an email or write a letter than try to talk in person. We both get really anxious and avoid talking about our feelings and such. That's why it took me so long to tell him we were TTC even though I was fairly sure he would be happy. He loves being a grandfather. My stepmother told me once that he worries about seeing his grandkids grow up. Probably because his father passed away when he was around my Dad's age now. But my Dad is really healthy and active so I feel sure that he will get to enjoy his grandkids for a long time to come.
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QQOTD- Queer Question of the Day - Page 5post #81 of 1966/18/12 at 11:03amThread Starterpost #82 of 1966/18/12 at 10:21pm
For those of you TTC their first - when you fantasize about your future child is it a boy or a girl? I know we all just want a healthy baby of course but I wonder if anyone does have a preference or seems more comfortable with one or the other.
And for those TTC a 2nd, 3rd, etc. child, same question! Also, is a preference stronger after the first one?
For me, I always imagined I would have a daughter...mostly because my family has a lot of girls in it so I just assumed I'd have one...not very scientific ;) I would have been happy with either of course. If I only had one child and it was a boy....while I wouldn't regret having a son of course...I think I'd mourn the fact that I'd never have a daughter. For a second, I think another girl would be awesome but it would also be equally awesome to have a boy and have the opportunity to parent one of each.
post #83 of 1966/19/12 at 4:54ampost #84 of 1966/19/12 at 6:30amQuote:
Interesting, I often hear the opposite. Maybe it's from people with older kids though. And my mom would have definitely argued with you...my brothers were a handful from when they were young until....last week! ;)post #85 of 1966/19/12 at 10:23am
I've always wanted a daughter. I'm so emeshed in female dominated career (RN) and volunteering (Girl Guides), then I turned out to be a big homo, which necessitated MORE interactions with women... I used to babysit boys almost exclusively (not on purpose), and while they were always wild and crazy, I had the BEST time with them. The girls I started babysitting only wanted to play dolls, and I had a hard time joining in with that.
I know I will mourn slightly if we don't have a girl, but I'll get over it. Besides, just because your child's genitalia and chromosomes dictate how their body developed, but doesn't mean that's how they will identify!!
I have sworn up and down that I will put my kids in whatever clothing I want, mostly because I watch my co-workers at work spazz about gender appropriate colours for the babies at work (we build nests for the little ones so they don't flail around and get all stressed out, and we have drawers stuffed with coloured and patterned baby blankets, which we use to make the nests a little more colourful and friendly, and GOD HELP YOU if you use pink or purple in a boy's nest).post #86 of 1966/19/12 at 10:23amThread Starter
Good question, Carmen. I have always wanted to have a girl, and my wife would also really like to have a girl. But for some reason, we both seem to think that we will have a boy. Don't know why we think that. We have names picked out for both. I think we both don't know what we would do with a boy, to some degree. I have 3 sisters, and DW is an only child so we never grew up with boys. My sisters each have a son which is kind of funny because it's like it skipped a generation. By that logic, I would have a boy too, but the chance is always 50/50. I babysat a lot when I was younger and I always enjoyed watching little boys a little more. They are so sweet when they are little. I can't explain it. We have talked about finding out the sex before it is born, and we will probably find out so that we can prepare mentally. I like the idea of being surprised, and I'm sure I would totally fall in love with the baby either way. One of each would be fine. I think if I had 2 boys I would also mourn not getting to have a daughter of my own.post #87 of 1966/19/12 at 11:39amI always imagined having a daughter first, then a son. I think that stems from the fact that I grew up in that arrangement. Mom and Dad, then me and my brother. I had an amazing childhood and so of course, duplicating that is how I thought I would be able to give my kids the best childhood I can. Now I know that great childhoods come in all shapes and sizes, but I still am stuck on it.
As a teen, I became more bent on having a daughter because my family in recent generations has produced only boys. On both sides of my parents families, only boys since I was born. Once I found DW and knew I wanted to make a life with her, neither side of the family was very nice or kind about it. After that, my desire to have a girl only intensified, so I could rub it in the faces of my cruel family members that the lesbian black sheep of the family had the first girl in 25 years. I think that probably makes me a bit petty. But now we are having a girl, both DW and I are thrilled but I'm a touch sad we aren't having a boy. Perhaps the next baby will be.
Ultimately, especially after having foster kiddos, my heart knows that it doesn't matter a bit and I'll love anybody who comes into our family.
Darth, heaven forbid baby boys be surrounded by such colors as pink or purple!! Surely the world will end and they will be damaged goods forever.post #88 of 1966/19/12 at 12:12pmpost #89 of 1966/19/12 at 12:31pm
Great question! Ours is an all-female household -- our dog and our two cats just happen to be females too -- so what on earth would we do with a boy?
Well said, Darth! It's true that no matter how they're born, they may choose to identify differently. That said, I'm getting stronger girl vibes with this one these days.... Maybe it's a princess-loving, doll-cherishing, adventure-seeking boy?!
I think I'll be happy with any healthy little babe, of course. But sure, I'd love a girl!! I have 3 sisters and 1 brother, and we girls are strong, feisty, and independent, and we're pretty non-traditional and non-conforming in terms of gender conventions. My brother, on the other hand, as cool and awesome as he is, is way more conventional. I don't know why that is. So, I guess I'm leaning towards a girl.
In all seriousness, I hope that whoever he/she is, they'll be caring and sensitive, adventurous and courageous, creative and athletic, accepting, loving, and empathetic. That goes without saying, I suppose.post #90 of 1966/19/12 at 1:26pmpost #91 of 1966/19/12 at 2:06pm
Great question Carmen!
Growing up I always wanted a girl because we have such strong women in my family. I grew up being very close to my grandma, mom, aunt and my sister. I didn't have any male cousins and my brother is a lot younger than I am and lived with my dad so I didn't really grow up with him. Now I have a 19 month old nephew and since he has been in my life I can picture having male or female children. DW really wants at least one boy since she grew up with two brothers. I would really love to have one of each at some point.
Dandy-!post #92 of 1966/19/12 at 2:23pmpost #93 of 1966/19/12 at 7:15pmWe were split on girl v. boy. DP thinks girls are much more complicated and I'm nervous about having sons (I met my stepbrother at a particularly bratty/bouncy/active phase of his childhood and it left an impact on me). Truthfully, though, throughout the pregnancy we were both pretty honestly happy to have either--the preference was mild on both sides. We DEFINITELY were expecting a boy, though. I don't know why exactly, but everyone who saw me said it would be a boy. When she was born and DP announced that it was a girl I was actually a little relieved that they took her over to a table to check her out before handing her to me because I needed a moment to process that we had a daughter and not a son. Now that she's here we think she's perfect, of course, but I expect that a sweet little boy would have been just as awesome. For future kids I'll be happy either way. I would definitely have been sad to only have boys, though--most of my hobbies are really girly and although i know that boys cook and sew and whatnot, it seems more likely that E might get into them. This is particularly ridiculous since my dad happily taught me all of his hobbies and I'm quite comfortable with, say, plumbing. Maybe what i need is a son to knock my prejudices out of my head...post #94 of 1966/20/12 at 9:07amIsa, friends of ours have a 5 year old DS who cooks and claims he wants to be a chef when he grows up (with both his parents being chefs, that's not entirely surprising).
Yes, god forbid we manage to turn one of the boys gay in our nursery... Not that we would EVER know. I'm the first truly out queer at work, so I'm doing a lot of education on gender identity and sexual orientation, and queer pregnancy, etc. now at least my (mostly conservative catholic) coworkers get it instead of the crickets chirping. They're all awesome thoug, I hope that seeing a healthy, functional gay marriage is eye opening...
We actually had a mom of a baby girl tell me that when she finally got to bring her daughter home, she was going to ban pink. Which is hysterical because this kids bed is ALWAYS pink. Very pink.post #95 of 1966/20/12 at 9:57am
People react much more strongly to boys being dressed non-traditionally than girls. Girls wearing overalls and baseball shirts just gets, "you have a big brother, don't you?" Boys in teal makes some people angry. Boys in pink always gets a comment and boys in a dress is terrible. O gets a lot of attention when people realize he is a boy (hair).post #96 of 1966/21/12 at 9:09am
Desert, you are not petty!
When I asked DW if she had a preference, all she said was that having a girl would be a new experience because she helped raise a much younger brother and also has a lot of nephews. I think she means she'd prefer a girl, but neither of us wants to say that, because we just want a healthy baby. The other reason is that we'll most likely only have one child, so we don't want to set ourselves up for disappointment by admitting we want something and then not getting it. I totally hear what a few people have said here that they have a sense that not having any girls would be a loss. I kind of agree. It's our chance to raise little liberated women, and that's very appealing. I have told DW explicitly, though, that I think having a girl may be harder on us as a couple because we will disagree more about how to raise her. DW is not very butch per se, but practically has a moral objection to dolls and playing indoors. I like the outdoors, too, but in my opinion, she has a hangup about it. I don't want her sending the message that feminine is bad. Anyway, I think a boy may be easier on us, and it would certainly be a new experience for me, since I have no brothers. Also, our WTBK donor seems to have all boys from the search I did online, so I'm going to prepare myself for a boy, IF we ever get pregnant. I am heading to an RE July 5 (instead of the midwife I've been going to) to deal with wacky cycles.post #97 of 1966/21/12 at 8:30pm
Thanks, Outdoorsy. I've been following you on QC, I hope this RE does the trick for you guys!
Seraf - that is a fantastic picture of O and S! I love it!
DW was raised in a very non-gender-role-conforming household, and I'm jealous of her getting to grow up that way sometimes. Although I feel strongly about avoiding gender stereotypes, I find that (like Seraf touched on) it's more important in my unthinking brain that girls are unfettered in this regard rather than boys. Growing up, I had a huge hangup about anyone who said girls couldn't do something that only boys could. I actually think it damaged my relationship with a serious boyfriend in high school and into college and although gender role conforming wasn't the reason we split up, there were things that were totally MY problem and I didn't see it at the time. My father, much as I love him to the moon and back, is quite the male chauvinist. It was mindblowing to realize that, and I think in a lot of ways that shaped how I viewed relationships with men. He raised me to be very independent and self-sufficient, and always told me that "I didn't need a man for *anything*." You know, Dad, you were right! (Except for the whole sperm thing, lol.) It's like, all other women were in one mold and he wasn't going to let me grow up thinking that way. But it's okay for everybody else. Odd.
It's just much more acceptable for girls to be tomboys than it is for boys to be feminine.
So, I have a QQOTD for everyone!! What is your guilty pleasure?
DW came up with this question because a Friends rerun is on right now and I can recite entire episodes along with the cast and I know most of the episode names and own all ten seasons and a separate series finale DVD and a coffee table book... I'm quite the avid fan. But DW says that guilty pleasures are something you're embarrassed about and I pointed out that Friends isn't embarrassing because it's AWESOME. I said that if it had to be embarrassing, maybe I should claim reading the Sookie Stackhouse vampire series as my guilty pleasure because the writing in those books is truly terrible.
DW's guilty pleasure would be watching the Harry Potter movies. She specifically said the movies, because the movies are terrible and embarrassing whereas the books are genius and would never be embarrassing to claim!post #98 of 1966/22/12 at 7:15ampost #99 of 1966/22/12 at 9:13am
Desert, I thought the Sookie series was actually quite clever! It's a MILLION times better that Twilight. Yuck. :P DW is reading all the Cassandra Clare books ATM and LOVES them. Kinda Golden Compass meets Sookie Stackhouse kind of thing. I can't watch True Blood though, not enough Sookie plot line, and too much gory violence.
QOTD... guilty pleasure... mmm, I tend to sugar binge when DW isn't around (I will eat icing with a SPOON!). It's a terrible terrible thing, because I react so poorly to sugar, and I keep trying to break the damn habit. I also like to watch birth videos, but I don't think that's a terrible thing... ;)post #100 of 1966/22/12 at 12:16pm
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