DD is excellently behaved at school (full day kindy.) But she is so SO disrespectful to me, and sometimes to her father. She turned 6 the other day.
I know full day school is exhausting, and I try hard to meet her needs by not overscheduling, giving her one on one time and a snack and water right after school etc.
However. The simplest tasks require me asking/telling umpteen times, with me getting more frustrated along the way. This is for everything, but it is most angering to me with the daily everyday "no excuse" (a term borrowed from her school) tasks: make your bed, choose your clothes, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth. We do these EVERY DAY and it's not like it is a surprise, or it's unreasonable.
We made a reference sheet for her to check so I can say "have you looked at your list" instead of nagging. It worked great for one day. At any rate, it's not just these things, it's nearly every thing, all day....leaving anyplace, washing hands, you name it.
Kind/polite requests are ignored. So then I say it more sternly. Sadly the ONLY thing that gets a result is threatening to set the timer or take something away. Then the task gets done. But it gets done by an angry scowling child who calls me Stupid, Mean, The Meanest Person on Earth, I Hate You, You're Never Nice to Me and on and on.
In general I am in favor of GD. But I totally absolutely am not ok with such obnoxious disrespectful behavior towards me or anyone else. Adults especiallly.
When she acts like this, which lately is several times a day, she gets things taken away or loses priveleges or whatever. Yup, punishment. I don't like it but I simply cannot let this stuff go by with no consequence.
I tell her how I know what a wonderful person she is and that I want others to know that, that being rude and impolite makes people think you are not a kind person--which I know she is, that people don't want to spend time with you when you're not polite, etc etc. Even if I initiate this conversation when we are not at odds she becomes angry, defensive, and reverts to the rude rude obnoxiousness.
Please, tell me it's a phase.
And, advice? I ignore it sometimes but I honestly feel like that is negligent. I do not think children should feel they can speak to adults so disrespectfully.
Thanks for any help...
PS: We've done sticker charts and all of that. Even the reward ones are just another form of a threat, really "you won't get a sticker" = you won't get that ice cream cone/whatever = threat. I am weary of this method, though I continue to use it.