I am having such a struggle with the kids who live next door to me.. I could go on for pages about it but I'll try to summarize...
There are 7 familes in our cul-de-sac, 5 of whom have children. We live next door to a family that adopted two children that are about the same age as our daughter, also adopted. (Their son is 11, daughter is 9. Our daughter is 9) They’ve played together literally since babyhood, and I am (or at least, I was) friends with their parents.
My dd recently came in from playing, sobbing and upset, because the boy next door, let's call him J, called her an F'ing B. (He used the real words, not the letters.) She was hysterical, and proceeded to tell me all sorts of other things J has done, including bossing her around, grabbing her by her collar and jerking her, insisting she was only allowed to play with him, and making her get him snacks and drinks from our house. He has broken into our home and stolen things. His sister, L, also uses profanity and can be aggressive. L slapped one of the children in the neighborhood and twisted the arm of another. She scratched my dd's arms, and dd came home bleeding from that encounter. They do not obey us and I end up having to send them home (and their mother calls, angry that they were sent home.) They leave their belongings on the ground and refuse to clean up when asked. They talk back to me; J called me a fat b***. I could go on. The past 2-3 years have been difficult, and as the children get older, it gets worse. Somehow their parents do not see the behavior. We've spoken to their parents several times in the past but have not felt that our comments were at all welcome; the parents tend to blame our dd or one of the other neighborhood children. For instance, when we told them about their children using bad words, they insisted that their kids would not know words like that because they are home-schooled, and the bad language is more likely coming from the kids that attend the public school. They accuse the children of lying and don't believe that their children really do these things — even if the behavior is witnessed by an adult.
We've decided that it's just not emotionally healthy for our dd to be under the thumb of these bullies. We told her that she didn't have to play with them if she didn't want to. All the other kids in the neighborhood have decided not to play with them as well; there are four families with children on our street that have told J and L that they are not welcome there. Now that they can't come here, there are no children on the block that these kids can play with. I am upset because this seems so harsh. Their mom is very upset. She has not spoken to us, but she has yelled at our children when we were not around and now our dd is afraid to walk past their home. In fact our dd is very anxious about the entire thing and is losing sleep over it. (As am I.) It's an ugly situation. We've even had to mark the boundary in the yard, because the parents told the children that our dd could not be on her property. It seems so very petty.
I am literally afraid of the mother in the family. She will twist whatever happened and make it my dd’s fault, or the fault of one of the other kids on the street, and say things that have just enough truth in them to hurt. I was sick and lost sleep for months after the last encounter.