Are other children's parents mean to you because of your special needs child?

[pattimomma]

I have five children and one of them is special needs. The children at my son's school have teased him for years. In the past two years instead of crying due to the teasing he has begun lashing out. The children also set him up (get him to do stuff, he is desperate for friends) and/or make up things to tell on him to get him in trouble. The parents of these children tell them that my son is a bully and to stay away from him (because of the retaliation). The school always believes the other children and my son doesn't have the language skills to defend himself. Recently I had a PhD clinical psychologist do an FBA. She reported that my son is mistreated by children and teachers at the school. Anyway the point of this thread is how do the parents of NT kids treat you, the parent? They are awful to me. They never ask or want to hear anything about my son's disabilities. They refuse to believe that it is their children doing anything that provokes my son. One child asked "Can you even spell your name" in a taunting way (my son is very dyslexic and at 11 years old still puts the letters in his name in the wrong order). If I try to talk to the parents they just start the blaming me for what a horrible parent I am and that's why my son is so bad or they say they don't have any problems and then stab me in the back. There is no solution other than removing my child from this environment.

So how are you treated?

[orlakelly]

I am so sorry for the way you are being treated. I found that some people are simply afraid that my child will have a meltdown or behave all bizzare and they won't be able to cope. They also worry for their children in case they get hurt etc. It is extremely unlikely this will happen unless things really get pushed and then I ask what kid wouldnt in those circumstances.

I also found my son does get blamed more and is watched more to see what he will do.

You don't need people in your life who will get you down, belittle and demoralise you and your child. Find other parents of special needs kids living in your area-put up a new post here even and take it from there

You can educate others but ultimately you can't change the way people feel but you can change how you feel about them!

[AussieMom]

oh do I so hear you! the answer is YES

I don't think that my child has been taunted by others in class or by teachers BUT I have been personally been treated badly by some parents

I am from another country and when I came here I really was very naive I think - American's are so polite I feel but after some time I realized that there were a few that just did not like me or my child's learning difficulties and felt that he should not be in the same school even though the school had programs to support him.  Within time it came out and I once talked to a teacher about it as I was very upset.  I wanted to be give back to my community but felt I could not be around the mothers - the teacher told me I could give back but get to know the teachers and the teachers needs vs the needs of the parents - so I broke 'ranks' so to speak.

There were two mothers looking back that were maligning me - and given we live in a somewhat limited area for schools that suit our needs and our child's needs we still see one of these mothers but the new school is big enough that I can 'avoid' her.  One time she said something so nasty and fortunately in the presence of a teacher who took me by the arm and said "you don't need to listen to her" and walked me away. I was so dumb struck but also made me so determined to get my child into a school that I knew she was sending her kids to.  When we did get into the school she was going to she announced to a mutual friend "I can't believe that that school will let that Dyslexic child in" - well that dyslexic child has been on the honor roll.  Sometimes these women can make you more determined - your job is to work with what you have and not let it get to you but rise up above them and be strong.  Find like minded women or stand your ground and walk your path by yourself but find a friend or a group you can consul with about your issues.

I call learning differences a journey - and it makes you stronger! hang in there, their time will come!

[AllieFaye]

Yes, people have been awful to me.  I have good days and bad days.  I try to remember the good days during the worst of it.  People can also be really wonderful to me because I have special needs children.  It does help to have someone to talk to on a regular basis who is familiar with special needs families.

[anj_rn]

Generally no, although it has happened on a few occasions.  However, my DD is not in school, so that may be why we have not encountered the problem.