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midwife bringing her child to my birth?

post #1 of 67
5/26/12 at 10:56am
Thread Starter 

just wondering thoughts on this. my midwife is a DEM who works alone but brings a second one with her to births. the second one said she would have to bring her kid with her. he is 8 or 10 mo i think. at first i was ok with it bc i was figuring it would be just me and the doula and the first midwife in my room and the second would be sitting back for support or second opinions for the first. now i am wondering if that wont be distracting for me. 

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post #2 of 67
5/26/12 at 11:26am

Hi!  During my last midwife appointment the same situation arose, so I figured I would chime in to your post.

 

If you have any reservations or second thoughts about having a child present then absolutely be proactive about making your opinion known.  Your birth space is yours and should be as comfortable as possible.

 

For me, I don't think that I will mind having a child present.  In fact, I think it might be helpful.  I figure if it gets irritating I will just ask her to leave -- it is my space and I can with it what I want.  When it comes to childbirth, I figure I just don't know how it's gonna go or what I will like -- so bring it on. 

 

Good luck to you!

post #3 of 67
5/27/12 at 4:02pm

this came up during my pregnancy also. i did not want a baby that wasn't mine at my house while i was in labor. i really very strongly felt against it. i didn't want to hear it crying and couldn't see how a woman could actually do the job of a midwife while taking care of a young baby. it was my midwife's apprentice who had the baby. after i talked about it with the midwife, we decided the apprentice wouldn't be coming. and that was that.

 

until i was in labor and felt like pushing...and my midwife was an hour away heading towards another birth! she called the apprentice who left her baby with her husband and came to handle things until my midwife could get here. (i had prodromal labor and didn't think it was real until i had to push.)

 

i know midwives bring babies to births, i just don't see how they can do more than observe. my last labor and birth were very difficult and i needed so much help, even physical help from 3 people! i know babies sleep, but it can't be timed and i have dogs who would be smelling and licking it and i was a mental mess about the whole thing. the apprentice turned out to be a wonderful doula and helped me push out my daughter when i was so terrified.

post #4 of 67
5/27/12 at 4:14pm

I think it is very unprofessional.

 

MW is there to take care of you and your baby. If she bring her child with her you will not get all the attention your deserve and paid.good money for.

 

I can;t imagine anyone in the hospital or clinic doing something likes this. They would be fired on the spot because if it unprofessional and frankly negligent..

post #5 of 67
5/27/12 at 4:19pm

I am not offended by the idea, I am sure there must be some women who would not mind, but I would not be okay with it. I do not want distractions,actually was really upset last birth cause the assistant kept getting texts and the noise was obnoxious. Ido not really see how the midiwfe thinks this is going to work though, the point of assitants I thought was in case of emergency there is extra hands, but she can not do that with baby in tow.

post #6 of 67
5/27/12 at 5:10pm

I would not be okay with it at all.

post #7 of 67
5/27/12 at 5:18pm
Very unprofessional. I would be quite upset.
post #8 of 67
5/27/12 at 5:33pm

This wouldn't bother me at all.  Especially if the midwife and I shared similar parenting styles.  I imagine she would be wearing her baby so she can have her hands free to support you.

 

But if it makes you uncomfortable, you should mention it to your midwife.  

post #9 of 67
5/27/12 at 5:47pm

I think it really depends on you - I can't imagine being distracted during birth. I mean, when I would want to be alone the baby won't make a difference...cuz I'll be alone. And, when the time comes for me to need/want support I'll be too absorbed to care about the baby being there. So, for me, and how my 2 births went I wouldn't mind. I think it's very sweet, actually.  

post #10 of 67
5/27/12 at 7:12pm

I don't know about that! I would like to think I'd say it was okay and that I wouldn't have a problem with it, but... when it comes down to it, there's no way the midwife could control her baby's disposition that day. And an 8-10 month-old is going to be wanting to crawl around and explore. What if they want to nurse during the pushing phase? There are so many what-ifs!

 

I think I would feel better about it if it weren't my first home birth, and if I already had a good idea about how my labors generally go. I would probably want to meet the baby beforehand. Make sure they're not crazy high-maintenance or something. haha

 

I also agree with another commenter about how it might be more okay if the midwife had similar parenting practices to mine. If her baby would be content to chill out in a mei tai back carry during the more intense times, I think things would be just fine.

post #11 of 67
5/27/12 at 11:02pm

No way. So unprofessional. She needs to get a babysitter.

 

Even if she's wearing the baby, the baby is going to get in the way. What if you need her help and she's breastfeeding, changing a diaper, putting him down for a nap, etc, etc? UNACCEPTABLE.

post #12 of 67
5/28/12 at 1:25am
Wow, talk about unprofessional and inappropriate! I can't believe she thinks this is OK, as it's can expose baby to the moms bodily fluids, and can be distracting. Just it's a good idea. I don't care if the baby is in a carrier, babies still cry, and poop, etc. no guarantee it won't fuss right when you need quiet, or distract her in an emergency.

Nope, not cool at all. Honestly, this would make me want a new provider- if she thinks this is OK, I would question her judgement overall. If an OB did this, everyone would cry "selfish, disrespectful" but its Ok for a MW? They aren't volunteers, you pay them, so they need to act lie a professional.
post #13 of 67
5/28/12 at 5:05am

I don't think I'd mind an infant at my birth, personally. While they take some attention, I think there's so many ways the midwife could distract the baby(TV, baby swing, babywear, etc.) plus her being the 2nd midwife, I don't think it would be an issue for -me-. However, if you want the attention 100% on you, express this. If you say no to the child being there, they should respect that and she should have a babysitter lined up. 

post #14 of 67
5/28/12 at 6:03am
I think it's unfortunate that even among a group of enlightened women there are so many cries of no way and unprofessional. It's sad that the pressure society puts on women to separate motherhood from their professional life is that insipid. If mothers can bring their daughters with them to vote in parliament maybe it's time to relax our image of professional.

Op, if it bothers you say no, obviously. Ultimately the choice should be yours for your birth.
post #15 of 67
5/28/12 at 8:17am
Thread Starter 

remember this lady is the 2nd midwife. there for support and second opinions for the first midwife. she will have little to do with the actual birth unless more hands are needed. but i have a doula as well. 

post #16 of 67
5/28/12 at 8:21am
Personally it wouldn't bother me.
post #17 of 67
5/28/12 at 9:08am
This would not bother me at all. For my second birth my doula/laboyr support (now a midwife) brought her three year old daughter. She was awesome and in fact, kept my not yet two year old entertained. I have invited her to this next birth too if she wants to come. She is seven now.
post #18 of 67
5/28/12 at 9:17am

I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it being a planned thing. However, I accept the possibility of kids being along when hiring someone with kids to be 24/7 on-call. There are going to be times when even the best childcare plans fall through when dealing with something like labor, and I'd rather she be there with kid(s) in tow than spend a lot of time trying to work out childcare.


Edited by ocelotmom - 5/28/12 at 1:29pm
post #19 of 67
5/28/12 at 9:41am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rrrrrachel View Post

I think it's unfortunate that even among a group of enlightened women there are so many cries of no way and unprofessional. It's sad that the pressure society puts on women to separate motherhood from their professional life is that insipid. If mothers can bring their daughters with them to vote in parliament maybe it's time to relax our image of professional.
Op, if it bothers you say no, obviously. Ultimately the choice should be yours for your birth.

 

Yeah, except that those women going into Parliament aren't going to be needed in a possible emergency situation (not that that is very likely, but it COULD). Can you imagine, the first midwife needs her help, and she's like, "hold on, my baby is crying and needs to be fed".....really?

 

Does she have a husband/partner? Can't s/he take the baby? Grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? Friends? Etc?

post #20 of 67
5/28/12 at 9:55am
You really think she would say that in an emergency? If so the issue is she's incompetent not that her kid is there.
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › Homebirth › midwife bringing her child to my birth?