midwife bringing her child to my birth? - Page 4

[lisarenee25]

I'm all for women making it work.  Not everyone has a partner, or a partner willing to help.

My midwife mentioned it to me, and i didn't care a bit.  I actually have 3 midwives (2 midwives and and assistant).  Even if it was just one, I would be okay.  At 32 weeks, I am comfortable doing what my body tells me to do - on my own.  I hired midwives because they are competent and they know how to handle themselves.  In homebirths, it's so rare that people are running around like women with their heads cut off in an emergency.  Let's just be real about that.

I want my midwives to do the best job they can.  If that means her childcare situation didn't work out and she had to bring her child, then so be it.  What's the other alternative?  She doesn't come?  Whateva.  I am going to have two kids there anyway.  We can accept all as part of the family.
 

[sarahb918]

To be completely honest, it would depend on the kid and the situation. My doula is bringing her baby who will be 22 months old at the time, BUT my doula is also flying in from GA for two weeks to attend my birth and she's still nursing. No way would I ask her to leave her nursing baby behind when she's really going out of her way to be there for me. I also happen to know that her baby is pretty much the most mild mannered, easygoing, well behaved baby ever lol. She's not only a doula, but apprenticing to be a midwife and she has taken the baby to several births. Never once have I heard her say, "OMG, Luca was AWFUL at the birth today! I'm so embarrassed!" The baby has always either slept through the birth or played quietly by herself.

Now if her baby were like MY 20 month old? No way. My 20 month old is much needier, clingier, more demanding and LOUD when she's not getting her way. I'm honestly kind of worried about who I'm going to have watch her during my birth if she gets to be too much for me to handle. I would never dream of taking her to someone else's birth because she would almost certainly become disruptive at some point.

[MichelleZB]

Great thread! I've read the whole thing, and started out being skeptical of the idea of a midwife bringing her baby to a birth, and am now 100% for it! So this thread helped me out.

She's the second midwife, and the first midwife will not have her baby. You'll have lots of people there to jiggle a baby for a minute if that is needed, and, as people say, in a true medical emergency, she can put the baby down.

I bring my baby to work (with babysitter) and I'm very grateful I can do that, since he's still nursing.

My birth included a lot of sitting around for the attendants. I was at a hospital, and it was mainly me (yelling, in labour, yelling) and my husband (sleeping in chair and sometimes getting me water or something) for many hours. The nurse popped in every once in awhile to make sure I wasn't dead or whatever. The doctor showed up when I was ready to push, and 10 minutes later, the baby was born. Quite frankly, if you have a midwife and a doula, in most birth situations, the second midwife could hang out at your house and play with her baby for hours without it being any sort of problem. Then, in the hour she's needed, the baby can hang out. It'll actually probably work just fine.

[SympatheticDad]

I'll be the sourpuss: I'm against the midwife bringing her kids to your birth.

First off, let's be honest:  school-age children are, universally, filthy little disease vectors, and you should at least get a few feedings in before exposing your newborn to them.

Second, if there is an emergency regarding the visiting child, the midwife will not be able to focus on her job.  I don't care how professional she is, that's just human nature.  So find a midwife who is willing to eliminate the distraction by obtaining child care for herself.

Basically, I view "Can I bring my kid to your birth" as a warning sign.  What it's warning you about is that the midwife's professionalism is suspect.

Maybe everything will go great with the midwife's kid there.  Maybe it won't.  But it's another variable.  Planning a successful birth is about removing variables, not adding them.

The examples people have given in this thread to justify this are "Oh, if the visiting baby is crying during a crisis, I'll just ignore it until the crisis has passed."  But as a pessimistic dad, I can think of hundreds of other scenarios, some of them downright likely, that would be worrying me.  Suppose you're in a labor crisis and the visiting kid falls down the stairs, or some similar physical trauma?  Now you've put your client (and yourself) in a position where the responsible adult is going to probably do harm to one of two children, or if they're really unlucky, both.

Having an extraneous kid at a labor is the quintessential example of a thing that sounds awesome, after the fact, when everything went great, and sounds incredibly stupid when something went wrong.   So personally my advice would be to not take the risk.  And I have no problem describing "Can I bring my child with me to this life-changingly important event that you are paying me to work at?" as "unprofessional."

[Banana731]

FWIW, I had my first HB in a place where I didn't know many people and a woman who I was friendly with (but not great friends with) came to support me at my birth for part of it. She brought her baby, just a bit older than the baby in this scenario, with her at night when I was in labor. I thought it was kind of awesome. He slept some of the time, but even when he was awake, it was fine. It was kind of nice having the baby there. I was working so hard and I was so tired, but I could see this sweet little baby, who reminded me what I was working so hard for.

Good luck OP! I hope you have a lovely birth with all those you choose to welcome into it!

[Thandiwe]

I too ran into this while interviewing during another pregnancy.  When I stated that I felt highly this would bother me during labor and didn't want any other children present, I received attitude in response.  So, we kept moving down the list of interviews and never hired that midwife.  It was the midwife's daughter in law who would have been bringing her baby and helping out.  We didn't have a lot of local options, but thankfully I clicked with the next one and had a very professional experience with her.

Trust your instincts and keep moving on if it's going to bother you.  Your birth, your right to request babies stay home.

[LionessMom]

it was the second midwife who brought her baby. she stood in the background the whole time. i didnt even call them until midnight, they got there at 12:30 and the baby was born at 12:59am. 

the baby was quiet until after the baby was born and i was laying in bed waiting for the placenta then he started crying and fussing. Dh, my mom, and the midwife took turns holding him. i wished he hadnt been there. next time i will request nobody else's kids there. it didnt cause me that much distress, but at the time we were waiting to hear our own child cry. he didnt want to and the midiwfe was concerned bc his lungs sounded crackly. everything worked out and the 2nd midwife was a help to the first but it would have been nicer if the baby want there.