Wondering about your past birth experiences « Back to Group Discussions

[hotsauce]

Hello again!  I feel like I've been posting a lot on this forum, but hey, somebody's got to!  One of the things I have yet to address during this pregnancy are the feelings I have about my last birth experience.  I had a pretty traumatic birth with my son and wanted to discuss with other women who may have some of the same types of stuff to work through this time.  

My story.  I had a CNM I didn't know very well because we moved to a different state when I was seven months along.  She had only been doing homebirth for about two years.  My ex and I took the Bradley method classes and my 'team' was made up of him, the MW, and my mother who is a nurse.  I went into labor at 6 p.m., called the MW at 10 to give her a 'head's up' but told her we wanted to be alone for as long as possible.  She denied our wishes and came anyway, checking me out and telling me I wasn't in real labor, that things would peter out and I should rest.  She went upstairs to sleep.  Labor picked up and by 6 a.m. I was dilated to a 6.  Within a few hours (it's foggy, I was struggling)  she started bullying me, saying if I didn't progress this much in this long she was transferring me to her hospital.  Then it became, if you don't let me break your water to make things speed up I'm going to transfer you.  May I add that my entire pregnancy was healthy and normal, SHE was the one in a rush.  I finally gave in to the pressure and allowed her to break my water.  Babies head came down at a funny angle and was uneven on my cervix.  My body started pushing.  At this point she had me lay down so she could check me again and told me I was at a 9.5 with a lip.  Without my knowledge or consent she attempted to force my cervix open with her hand.  All I remember is screaming 'no, no, stop, get OFF of me' and trying to kick her in the face while my husband held me down.  My mother left the room crying.  After this point I began bleeding profusely and vomiting from the pain.  After about an hour of pushing she gave up on me, saying I 'push like a freight train, I can see the head, but he's stuck'.  She went downstairs to sit on the couch, leaving my husband and I alone.  My husband and I tried for over another hour to push on our own when I finally panicked and told him I needed to go to the hospital to make sure my baby was fine.  We went, found out she had damaged my cervix, which was on the brink of tearing, I was swollen down to a 7 and with the state of cervical damage I had to have a c-section.  They had no other options for me.  In the hospital I was treated with such care, respect, and love.  I had amazing lactation consultants and nurses who told me I was amazing for trying so hard and strong for having to heal from the experience of a natural labor AND a c-section.  Months later when I was able to begin to deal with the experience and my violation, I went to the hospital to retrieve my records.  She had removed everything in her notes regarding her interventions.  There was a four hour chunk missing from my records.  She knew she had caused it and was covering for herself.  This time I will have a VBAC but have no idea where I will be most comfortable.  I learned the first time, the hard way, it doesn't matter if you have a MW or an OB, what matters is that they respect you.  Anyone else have a traumatic experience?  Or a really beautiful one to share?

Also wanted to add, after I was home and healing I read up on a bunch of midwifery boards online about the practice of 'manual dilation'.  Horror stories abound.  Once you cause the cervix to swell there is little you can do.  Forcing is not allowing.  It causes what is meant to open to swell closed.  Many midwives said the only time they had seen manual dilation used the end result was tearing of the cervix and/or hysterectomy.  Glad we dodged that bullet!  

[HarperRose]

I'm not stalking you, I swear. lol

I have had both traumatic and healing births. I'm one handed at the moment, however, because I'm getting my 4 yr old to sleep.

Your story pains me. :( I am so very sorry.

[LemonPie]

I'm so sorry :(  I hope you're able to get the healing experience you need this time.

I too am hoping for a VBAC after a traumatic birth, but my circumstances are different.  With #3, I had planned another hospital NCB, but at 38w2d, I woke up at 3:30 a.m. to use the bathroom and my water broke.  I stood up and discovered I was bleeding pretty heavily.  Thankfully, my parents live very close by so my mother was able to come right over and we got to the hospital right away.  Additionally, my mother is a nurse on the OB floor at that hospital and she called and gave them a heads up about what was going on. 

 Got up to the floor, discovered that I had a rolling contraction pattern (uterus doesn't let up completely between contractions), and baby's heartbeat didn't have a lot of variability (sort of a 'pre-distress).  Those, combined with the bleeding were pretty indicative of a placental abruption, so the OB on call took me back and put me under for an emergency c-section.  I was 50% abrupted by that point, but my daughter thankfully was (and is) perfectly fine.  

It took me a while to get to that point, but I'm really fine with the whole thing now.  I think it probably saved one or both of our lives, and it was a necessary intervention.  However, I absolutely do not want to voluntarily lay down for another c-section if I don't have to.  Currently, both local hospitals have a VBAC ban, so we're trying to decide what exactly we're going to do.

[broodymama]

Oh wow, that does sound traumatic.  I hope this birth is gentle and healing for you.  

DS1 (7.5) was born in a hospital.  Induced by AROM (because we were getting ready to evacuate for a hurricane and I was already 6 cm dilated), but no other interventions.  His birth wasn't bad, but it left me wanting more.  As we were leaving the hospital with him, DH said "why did we have to go to the hospital for that again?"

We then moved cross-country and I got pregnant with DD1.  I found a homebirth midwife and saw her for prenatal care, I was much happy.  Both she and DD2 were homebirths with precipitous labors, 2 hours from start to finish.  DD1 was 10 lbs (nearly 2 lbs bigger than DS1) and DD2 was 9 lb 9 oz, both births were fantastic.

DS2's labor was like a freight train!  UC, under 30 minutes from first contraction to baby (with me playing games on FB for about 10 minutes of that  ).  I barely made it into the birthing tub and DH didn't even have time to finish making coffee.  I loved his birth, thought it was the perfect note to "go out" on but here I am again!

I'm hoping for a 4th homebirth this time around, but for some reason I've been having dreams of birthing in the local military hospital.

[hotsauce]

I am so jealous of your short labors!  Mine was more than 20 hours, much of it spent in a great deal of pain.  I'm planning on drinking lots of raspberry leaf tea this time because I've heard that can help shorten labor time.  My mother never had labors any longer than four to six hours, so I don't know why it seems so difficult for my body.   

I would ideally love a VBAC at home, but am unsure if anyone in my area will attend one of those.  I only live a few blocks from the hospital so I may feel comfortable with it, but only if the OB I plan to go to for prenatal care says I'm a good candidate.  

[HarperRose]

It was difficult because you had improper care during your labor. :( 

My first birth was not unusual, by standard hospital practices, and my doctor wasn't bad, but my only exposure to birth, up to that point, had been witnessing my little brother's mw assisted home birth when I was 11 years old. FOR ME, my first birth was traumatic. I labored in the bed, mostly on my back, and my husband was a complete doofus for some reason and kept trying to SLEEP all day long.... (I still don't know what to do with that information. LOL Even he's flummoxed by that behavior.) Actually, you might tell your partner NOW what you expect for his participation during labor. That way he can mentally prepare and know what to do when the time comes.

Anyway, I labored in the bed the whole time. They broke my water at 6 AM and Max was born at 7:59 that night, so it was 14 long, hard hours. The dr gave me an episiotomy and had to use the vacuum extractor because Max wasn't presenting right. He had a bump on the top left of his head (near his hair whorl) for 2 years. For me, I hemorrhaged slightly after the birth and passed out until about midnight, when they woke me to change rooms. I'd lost over twice the normal amount of blood and when I stood up, I could barely walk. I was white. I'm already white, lol, but this was worse. Max was fine, though. He was 9lb 8oz and healthy as can be! It took me a solid 2 years to physically and mentally heal from the episiotomy. It was very sensitive for a very long time. Even now, if something doesn't go quite right during intimacy, it totally throws off my whole night, and it's been 12 years. I get all sick, flashbacks, it's not nice.

With my daughter, her birth was at home with a midwife and it went beautifully. They were both considerate, quiet, calm, encouraged a lot of movement, and very positive. They knew I'd hemorrhaged with Max and they knew I was traumatized, and they treated me accordingly. Her birth was 9 hours. I birthed on my bed, sort of on my side holding one leg up. She just sort of slid out and the midwives were AMAZED at how cognizant I was when that happened. I sat forward enough to see her being born and said, "Wow, that is so cool." And I was just in complete awe. Unfortunately, because I pulled on my husband's arms during this birth, they were too weak to hold this tiny little person for very long. Seconds, really. She only weighed 7lb 14oz and it was too heavy. I passed her off to my husband and as a result of him holding her right away, she connected with him very quickly and they have a great relationship. She & I, it's a little touchy at times, but that's mostly due to my own upbringing and not having a good mother/daughter relationship to have learned from. But I try very hard to be good to her and she understands why it's hard for me.

My youngest was 4.5 hours, unassisted. Because it was so fast, I was kind of in shock! It went fine, it was just really freaking fast. LOL I decided that I NEED support besides just my husband during birth, even though we were not planning on more kids. As a result, I've opted to see a midwife again, but because of hyperemesis gravidarum, I'm seeing one who works with a doctor and can prescribe me meds for the excessive sickness. And even though I like home birth, I'm having a hospital birth this time. It feels like that's where I need to be.

Whatever birth you end up having, I sincerely hope it's as healing for you as it should be. I found my daughter's birth to be the most peaceful of the 3 and I consider it my favorite.

[EvaLou32]

Hotsauce, I am so sorry to hear about your first birth. I look forward to hearing how this one goes and whether or not you're able to have a VBAC.

I was not very educated about natural childbirth until five years ago when I began training to become a doula. Of course, I thought I knew a lot about birth before that. So my four children were all born in the hospital with me strapped to monitors and IVs, flat on my back. I made it through the first three births without an epidural, but not necessarily by choice. I went into the first one feeling pretty confident that I could do it without pain medicine, but I was unprepared for dealing with the pain. I ended up asking for an epidural with each birth but it was always too late; I was almost ready to start pushing. So with the forth baby, I just decided before labor even began that I was going to have the epidural, and I did. Thankfully, I didn't have any complications, but I definitely felt very disconnected from that birth. My first time, I woke up in labor and went straight to the hospital. I was fully dilated six hours later and then pushed for two hours. DS1 was 9lbs and my OB said I could have handled a 10lb baby! So that was encouraging. My second baby was a week late and I had been in early labor all day. I decided to go to the hospital even though I knew I wasn't anywhere near active labor yet. The hospital decided to go ahead and admit me since I was past due, and they broke my water to get things going. DD1 was born after about 6 hrs of labor and about 3 pushes. For my third birth, I agreed to an induction on my due date. I went in for my check-up, my cervix was already dilating and effacing, so the OB offered to get things started. I didn't know any reason why not to. I was soooo tired of being pregnant. They started me on pitocin, contractions started slowly, they increased the pitocin, then broke my water. After that, contractions became intense and DS2 was born 3 hours later. It was not enjoyable at all. I was in so much pain after the birth that I was angry at everyone, including the baby. I didn't even want to hold him at first. I knew I needed some extra time to bond with him, so (at the suggestion of a friend) I went to a hotel after I was discharged from the hospital. My mom stayed with the other two children at home while I got to know my new baby for a couple of days. That helped, but it still took me a few more weeks to really feel bonded to him. Finally, with my forth, I woke up in labor (just like with my first). I got to the hospital and requested my epidural right away. She was born about six hours later. 

So, when my forth child was 5 and I was really wanting another one (but DH wasn't), I decided to become a doula so I could continue to be involved in the whole process of childbirth. I have heard so many sad stories about births that have not been handled well and resulted in unnecessary complications. And I am so grateful that my hospital births were not traumatizing. But now that I know so much more about all of it, I am really dreading a hospital birth. I don't want to be worrying about whether or not they will respect my wishes during labor. But DH is not yet comfortable with the idea of a home birth or even a stand-alone birth center. So, unless he changes his mind over the next 9 months, I am just planning to labor at home as long as I can (instead of rushing to the hospital as soon as I realize I'm in labor). I have an arrangement with a home-birth midwife to do my prenatal care up to 36 weeks. She understands that my husband may or may not change his mind by that time. So I'm so glad that she is willing to do my prenatal care even if we don't end up using her for the actual birth. If DH is still against home birth at 36 weeks, then I will transfer to an OB/midwife practice (which my midwife has a strong relationship with) and delivery at the hospital with one of their CNMs. I have also witnessed several hospital births that respected the laboring woman and her wishes. So I know it is possible. But the biggest factor to me in whether or not a hospital birth is peaceful seems to be the nurses, and no one ever has control over what nurses they end up with. 

So I guess I actually have more anxiety about this birth than I have before. Hopefully, I can resolve this sooner rather than later. :)

[GoBecGo]

I have fast births too, though it depends on your perspective too.  My active labours are very short, but i have a long latent phase (through which i can easily walk/sleep/eat/potter about).

I was a birth partner at a horrible induction in 2003, and i knew from then on i would NOT be having my babies in hospital unless i really REALLY had to.

I had DD1 in 2006, at home, attended by NHS midwives.  It was great for a first time i think.  The worst bit was i was checked by my midwife right at the end of my long latent phase (waters went at 3am, VE at about 3pm showed me to be 25% effaced and 2-3cm, which i had been for at least a week!) so after that they kept saying i wasn't really in labour.  Right up until my DD's head appeared!  They wrote up my active labour as 1hours 24mins dilation, 5mins pushing!  It was intense because i was roaring through strong second-stage contraction, thinking i'd hur myself if i pushed when my body wanted to, believing this "wasn't it" yet!  

DD2 was born in 2010, at home, attended by an independent midwife.  She was wonderful.  I had another crazy labour, mild cramps all afternoon Thursday, turning into what i might call a contraction around 10pm but only 2-5 an hour and totally irregular.  At 3am i had a run of 5 or 6 that were every 5 mins, but when i called the mw they began to skip out again while i was on the phone to her and i could talk right through them, so i went to bed in disgust (i'd figured my long latent phase with DD1 was "first timer" stuff!).  About 6.40am my dad (who i'd called about 3am) arrived - he lives about 340miles away and i decided it was time to have the baby so i got in a hot bath and wallowed and waited.  Still the contractions were irregular!  Eventually though, i began to grunt at the peaks and i had OH call the MW anyway.  She came and i immediately began to contract every 5 mins.  She arrived at 7.15am.  DD2 arrived at 7.55am.  That time we wrote up my active labour as 55mins with 6 mins pushing.  It was intense too BUT i was much more ready for what various sensations meant (like when i was grunting at the peaks i knew i was getting close to transition, even if there WERE 6-17 minute gaps between my contractions!).  I was on top of the world after i had DD2, it was a completely physiological birth, and i felt so powerful and Whole, knowing my body did ALL THAT on its own.  Also DD2 had a true knot in her cord (which explains the weird labour patterns) and her apgars were 10 and 10 - i had a friend online whose son had a true knot, they gave her augmentation to speed things up, which caused distress and it ended with a cs.  He died before the Ob could get him out and they couldn't get him restarted.  I knew how dangerous it could all have been and was so glad i'd decided to make the decisions i had and everything had gone how it went.  I knew in my local hospital they would have intervened with my odd labour, and i knew how dangerous it could have been.

I'm looking forward to another, probably my last, homebirth.  I'm so glad that witnessing the trauma back in 2003 meant i could make these decisions and have the births that i;ve had, i feel so lucky.

[FigNoel]

My first was induced for Pre-E. I was induced with cytotec and pit and labored through the night. Active labor was probably 9 hours? I went without epidural and actually enjoyed my birth experience. (I had nothing to compare it to!)

My second was born at home. Actively labored 8 hours? He was asynclitic (head sort of sideways) and it was really, really hard. I had really rough transition and after his head came out (PHEW!) he had a bit of sticky shoulder. It was a really emotionally and physically challenging birth for me.

I am completely at a loss for what my next one can bring. They have both been so different and I'm actually really scared of labor this time. I'm going to have to do some reading and processing before this one comes. I will have the same midwife. I adore her. Absolutely the best midwife for me. So, that gives me confidence.

[coopsmama]

My labor pattern is to start contracting early in the morning and have a baby some time in the night.  My first was an unmedicated hospital birth.  It was fine enough, but I felt like I was taken advantage of by my dr--as I was pushing he said "I know you don't want an episiotomy, but if you let me do one, he will be here in the next push."  I felt it was a low blow to ask a woman in that condition.  I "consented" and regret it.  I also had lots of bleeding with that one because the dr. rushed the delivery of the placenta.

Second was at home.  Great birth, but horrible second stage.  It was with that birth that I learned that my body has a celiac phase when pregnant.  I don't test positive if I'm not pregnant, but clearly, that pregnancy was compromised by my diet.  Baby was three weeks early, but the placenta was deteriorating and very difficult to deliver.  Lost a lot of blood again.

Third birth was at home.  Diet was good, delivery was uneventful.  Loved it.

Hoping for a repeat of the third birth :)

[phatchristy]

OP, I'm so sorry about your birth trauma.  How you were treated was so wrong...you need to find yourself a midwife who is truly woman centered care.  I don't get why she tried to speed things up...I think for a first baby that timing seemed really normal from what you wrote.  I have heard so many stories along the years where the bow was broken and babe wound up in a weird position.  I personally prefer that it's intact...I overall that it is even better for the baby (more cushioning).  I have had one child born in the caul, two whose bow broke at the end during pushing and one that ruptured before labor started.  I think it's so important to deal with the emotions and everything from the last birth.  I hope this next birth can be truly healing for you!

Over here, I've had four homebirths.  I can say that nearly every birth was more amazing than the last.  Culminating in my last birth where the midwife didn't make it in time and I wound up having DS in the bathroom with DH catching.  I always joke about how two weeks or so after his birth there was a nearly identical story to ours on the national news!  BUT, of course, they chose to call 9-1-1, instead we called the midwife (which DH of course thought was the most logical thing to do LOL).  Those moments after birth were amazing though, the whole thing wound up being such an intimate bonding experience for DH and I (would rather have that than a news story).  

Now I'm wondering if they are going to 'watch me like a hawk' LOL this time because of what happened last time.  Though last time was different.  My water broke about 9 hours before labor kicked in....the mw had even come to our house earlier in the day and nothing was happening so she left LOL.  We thought we'd have more warning.

[itsajenism]

(WARNING: Possible trigger, traumatic birth)

DS1 was a hospital birth.  The majority of my 6 hour labour went smoothly (3 of those were spend at home), however the last 30-ish minutes was extremely traumatic for me.  

I do feel good about the fact that I spent the majority of my time at the hospital (around 3 hours) walking the halls.  It wasn't until after I hit transition that things started going downhill. I knew something was up and was feeling the urge to push and asked for the nurse to check me.  She refused, telling me that I had not been in labour long enough (2.5 hours since I had arrived at the hospital) to have gone from 3cm to 10cm. Requested again to be checked, pleading with her that I needed to push.  Again, she refused, saying that this is my first baby so I'm probably feeling something different, and the only way she would check me was if I requested an epidural. At that point I wasn't sure what to do... she wasn't helping me... my OB hadn't even shown up yet... so I took my chances, hoping that I was too far along to actually get the epidural.  She left the room for a few minutes, returned and had me lay down.  I was 10cm and baby was coming down.  The nurse glared at me, shoved her entire fist into my vagina to hold baby in and yelled at me to "stop pushing because she wasn't going to deliver this baby".  I was screaming in pain, yelling and swearing at her to remove her ****ing hand while trying to kick her off of me.  A few minutes later, the on-call OB showed up and I delivered in 2 pushes.  DS1 had some labored breathing (big surprise after being held in...) so he spent his first 3 hours of life in the NICU being monitored.  

I later learned how lucky we are that DS1 did not end up in more serious condition than labored breathing and that I should have done something about it.  The midwife I had with DS2 had a friend who experienced a nearly identical birth and her child ended up severely brain damaged due to the trauma.  :(

(End Warning.) 

DS2's birth was extremely healing for me.  It wasn't until I was pregnant with him (5 years later) that I really allowed myself to call DS1's birth what it was for me; traumatic.  DS2 was meant to be a home birth, but ended up being an unassisted birth.  Labour was a quick 45 minutes.  Contractions started at 5 minutes apart and moved quickly.  Within minutes of DH walking through the door (I was home alone with DS1), my water broke and DS2 was born 18 minutes after.  I caught him myself while hovering over the toilet (I originally thought I was about to release my bowels like I had with DS1 when I hit transition, so I was a little surprised to find a head instead...lol).  He was out in 2 contractions.  

The most amazing part I remember from his birth was supporting his head/my perineum and feeling him turn to release his shoulders.  

It's also pretty awesome and amazing just how much your instincts take over.  I didn't really think about what I was doing when I was doing it, I was just doing it.  The supporting of his head and my perineum, unwrapping the cord from his neck, pulling him up to my bare chest and stimulating him all came very naturally in the moment.  When I think back to it, it almost feels like I was watching it happen, rather than it being me.  

His birth was empowering and amazing and I wouldn't change a single thing about it.  

----

It's so sad, the number of us who have had traumatic births when it's all so unnecessary.  Hugs and healing to those who need it.  

[organicviolin]

My MO is that I'm in early labor for 3 - 3.5 weeks before that baby comes. I walk around contracting, going to work, cleaning, caring for others etc while having contractions every 3-5 minutes that I can easily walk through - they are uncomfortable but I have a high pain tolerance.

So, DS1 was born in hospital. I was admitted around super and was given an epidural (I didn't want it, but felt pressured to etc) and dozed on and off all night while laboring. I was checked at 5 am and was around 5 cm and the nurse said it would take a while. So I dozed again and then I wanted to push after an hour. Well, turns out I hit 10 cm really quickly after that. Pushed for 1.5 hrs and was given an un-wanted episiotomy that my DH saw happen (I received NO warning at all for it and  the epidural wore off). So then I had vacuum assist because I was exhausted etc. Not the best birth. Typical hospital.

DS2 was born at home in 2 hours. I went from having broken my water the night before to then having an extra bag around his head that the MW broke around 2.30 and he was born just after 3.30. At home, it was wonderful. He presented forehead first with his fist on his face and because I was on all fours, I only had a paper cut of a tear requiring no stitches.

This time around I would like to deliver at home, but because our insurance sucks, we don't feel it makes financial sense for us to go that route. Luckily my ob trained with mw so he'll let me do what I need to do. Kind of hoping it goes super quick and that I don't "make it" to hospital. That would be amazing, especially if this one is born in the caul like DS2 would've been had we not broken the extra bag of water around his head. Time will tell though. DS2's birth really allowed me to trust myself and truly know just what my body was capable of. I knew when to hang and stretch and when to push - it was incredible.

[Clarasmama]

I do hope that this birth is healing for me, DD's birth was almost exactly opposite of what I had hoped for. I wasn't ready to consider a home birth with her, but I thought I could have a natural birth in the hospital with a group of CNMs. DD went all the way to 42 weeks, and the day before that I finally went into labor...but we went to the hospital too early and I was only 4cm dilated...at midnight, 12 hours after early labor started the "med-wife" on call started pitocin. I don't know why I allowed it, it's so frustrating to think back on. 14 hours of crazy pitocin contractions came and went, cervix went from 8 down to 7, and my choices became epidural or c-section. I had the epidural, rested, dilated the rest of the way, pushed for about 3 hours on my back, tore like crazy, and DD was born cut away immediately, and taken to be suctioned. She was posterior and asynclitic, but to this day I believe both problems were because of the constant fetal monitoring. Baby girl hated it, even the doppler, so having that monitor on the whole time must have been terrible for her.

Afterwards, I didn't get my baby moon either. In-laws had already bought plane tickets, so they we're at our house when she was 4 days old and we had had a whole 1 day as a family at home together. I'm still a bit resentful that I was cleaning my house (DH was helping of course) when my 2 day old was sleeping. I should've not cared, but I couldn't help it at the time. I was crazy apparently! I had a hard time connecting with her and felt overwhelming obligation to care for DD, but not love. I had low level PPD for about a year actually, and when the fog finally lifted I couldn't believe how different it felt! I love DD so much now, and I'm so sad that I didn't enjoy her first year like I could have.

This time, we're going to give birth at home, and I sincerely hope that this is the healing experience I need. I know I can labor through pitocin on my own, so I'm assuming that I can handle the full natural labor too, especially if i'm in water! We will also have our babymoon, because no one is allowed to buy plane tickets until after the birth! This time will be different, I can feel it

[AnahataChakra]

Urggg It is so hard to read about those of you that have been what sounds like violently attacked during labor, my heart goes out to you and I hope that this birth will be healing for you. 

It is for this very reason that I am so worried about choosing the right midwife for my third birth.  I moved away from the midwife that I used for my two other births and don't even know that I would go with that midwife again mainly because they are so busy.  At the time that I used this group for my son, the midwife that I wanted(that now works alone) was not "on" so the other midwife came checked me told me I was not in labor and at that point I really hoped that I would not need her at my birth because she was so negative.  And so a 12 hour labor for 9 of those hours my cervix did not change much except move forward as soon as she left and I walked around the block labor went full blast and my doula came over(thank god for her!) and my husband filled up the tub at which point this midwife had so messed with my head because she wanted to sleep that I didn't even know if I was in labor until I pushed and my water broke with a gush and my son was born less than 20 min later.  It was beautiful and thankfully I avoided being around a potentially abusive midwife(all because she was tired).  I think my birth was one of her last thank good ness. 

Here is what I am looking for in my unknown midwife:

The ability to have patience and be quiet when necessary

The ability to comfort and possibly just hang out with my kids as I labor

The ability to deal and have experience with issues that may arise.

A calm, confident, quiet, motherly presence..that is my hope for this birth...
 

[tiqa]

I have had two fantastic births.  First was a birth center birth that was four hours of labor and then two and a half hours of pushing (posterior baby, nuchal hand).  Second was a UC that took about 1.5 hours from start to finish, two pushes, done.  My pregnancies are miserable, so I think the birth parts made up for it.

I'm a little more nervous this time around.  I have a feeling this will be a hospital birth.  Not sure why, but that's what I'm suspecting.  I'm meeting with a homebirth midwife as well but I'm just, meh on it.  I tend to have preterm babies (37 and 36 weeks) and I had a miscarriage and I'm feeling really bad and weird this pregnancy as well.  But there's no birth center here, and with my history of short labors I don't really feel safe getting set up to deliver in anywhere but out hospital.  BUT... it's not a very crunchy hospital.  No birthing pools, not a lot of options for the mothers.  The nurses seem really brusque.  They know their stuff but it's very medicalized, and I've already kind of gotten a weird vibe from one doc I've had.  I've met another who was much more sympathetic but it's kind of a crapshoot as to who's on duty.  I have to suss their practice out a bit more, but really, there's not a whole lot of options going on here.  Either the hospital, or the homebirth.  I don't really want to UC again.  On the other hand, I have a glitch where I don't labor at ALL unless I'm left alone (like no contrax at all) until almost pushing.  And with my UC I had to even kick DH out of the room to push DD out.  I just don't want to feel observed.  And damn sure I don't want to be told where to move or be restricted by an IV or all that jazz.  I just can't imagine getting comfortable enough to labor with all these people watching me.  I just, I dunno, I'm kind of at a loss right now.  =/

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by tiqa 

I have had two fantastic births.  First was a birth center birth that was four hours of labor and then two and a half hours of pushing (posterior baby, nuchal hand).  Second was a UC that took about 1.5 hours from start to finish, two pushes, done.  My pregnancies are miserable, so I think the birth parts made up for it.

I'm a little more nervous this time around.  I have a feeling this will be a hospital birth.  Not sure why, but that's what I'm suspecting.  I'm meeting with a homebirth midwife as well but I'm just, meh on it.  I tend to have preterm babies (37 and 36 weeks) and I had a miscarriage and I'm feeling really bad and weird this pregnancy as well.  But there's no birth center here, and with my history of short labors I don't really feel safe getting set up to deliver in anywhere but out hospital.  BUT... it's not a very crunchy hospital.  No birthing pools, not a lot of options for the mothers.  The nurses seem really brusque.  They know their stuff but it's very medicalized, and I've already kind of gotten a weird vibe from one doc I've had.  I've met another who was much more sympathetic but it's kind of a crapshoot as to who's on duty.  I have to suss their practice out a bit more, but really, there's not a whole lot of options going on here.  Either the hospital, or the homebirth.  I don't really want to UC again.  On the other hand, I have a glitch where I don't labor at ALL unless I'm left alone (like no contrax at all) until almost pushing.  And with my UC I had to even kick DH out of the room to push DD out.  I just don't want to feel observed.  And damn sure I don't want to be told where to move or be restricted by an IV or all that jazz.  I just can't imagine getting comfortable enough to labor with all these people watching me.  I just, I dunno, I'm kind of at a loss right now.  =/

There's a reason you & I are friends! I was feeling the exact same way this time. Obviously, you know the situation with the loss and D&C, but before all of that, I also had the feeling of needing a hospital this time. Good luck, whatever happens. I hope things are going ok.