I haven't posted up here in over a year... but I'm really feeling like I need some other momma's words here, than just my friends who are biased and angry.
Quick run-down, ds is 2.5 nearing on 3yo. We've been split since he was 18mos. Ex is sometimes the Friday nite dad, but not consistent. I am OK with him having Friday nights when he's available and I sometimes ask for other times, such as tonight... I"m self-employed so I have to work on Memorial Day, but because I have no daycare, I asked him to take our son. I'd say 80% of the time, he's not available. Tonight he was. Yay!
Dad is not a "bad" person in any way. He's just not that interested. He has two other children (with two other mommas, so much drama... yuck). We're all late 30s, but it still feels like a Geraldo episode. My son is my Only son, but Dad has to split his time with his three children every weekend. I do understand that.
While not "bad", he is a loser in a lot of ways - and no I don't use that term lightly. I mean, he doesn't work, doesn't pay child-support. I have state-mandated support from him but because he doesn't work... null. He lives with his father, which is the BEST thing going for him and why I love my son being there, because HIS father (gpa) is amazing. Dad, maybe not so amazing, but when my son is with his father, he's also with an amazing, devoted, playful 70+ grandpa.
My question to the abyss is... I'm self-employed. I make 50+K/yr. I work from home and could live anywhere. Right now that is 3000 miles away from MY HOME which could consist of grandparents and uncles and men for my son if I were back there. But I'm staying here because I feel like my son should be near his father.
I'm recently thinking... WHY?
I mean.... really... Why?
I am not dating. I'm happy being single. But I think my son should know men. I don't have a man to be that "man" in his life; right now he has his father. But his father is not.... well, devoted in any sense of the word. I feel like I'm sticking around here for my son to be with his Gpa - and maybe that's enough right there.
I think I need some other responses out there about parenting... BIO-parenting. Why it's important for my son to know his father; why that relationship is important. Again, I'm not throwing another man in his life. I'm just considering that his father is not that interested, things are not that great, they don't spend much time together any way.... why do I feel like this is so important?
I appreciated your BTDT advice.
....good story: tonight my son is with his father. Camping on property with his 5yo brother. Awesome. Having the time of his life. Dad and I have great communication - he's sent me photos; responds to all of my texts. I am never scared for my son; I know he has a ball with his father/Grandfather.
... bad story: pretty much everything other than day to day. Dad has never been to any WBV, never once seen a pedi (even when we were together). And we have some issues with our son which he's neither concerned about nor ever questions. I'm saving 5K to (potentially, if needed) have tubes put in his ears. Dad will never give $10 to that fund. Dad will never consider insurance. Dad will never ASK about appointments. Dad will never be there in anything more than the Friday night visit. Dad is not, at all, living in the bigger picture. And to date, I'm pretty sure that Dad has never had him for 24hrs straight. picks him up at 4:30 from daycare and brings him back at 10am, and sometimes asks to bring him back sooner.... to his credit, only because he's off to pick-up another child for their night with him. Dad is seriously.... fun Friday (with Grandpa).