Ugh the waiting. I remember that. It was horrible.
I had always wanted to adopted and so when i finally started the process it felt like i had been waiting my whole life already. With my first homestudy, the actual HS process was VERY quick...i forget exactly but like maybe under two months from beginning to end. Then i waited. And waited. And waited. For i think around a YEAR. And the child i was waiting for was an older child (technically 7 and under, but i was even open to some teens and inquired on several and figured my child would be in the 7-10 yr range)...any race...open to lots of different issues....no call. I inquired on, easily, HUNDREDS of boys all around the country. I bought a fax machine, faxed out my own study. Never got anywhere really. It was awful. I was first approved in early july, and i thought i'd be at least matched by the time school started....that summer i thought "next year there will be another child here at the beach!) (there wasnt)...surely by Christmas (not that christmas and not the following christmas either!)...finally after a year of waiting i switched agencies, got a foster license...the process of getting license in hand took nearly another year...within a month of getting it though, i was placed with a healthy newborn baby that i adopted less than ten months later. And now i have THREE adopted kids in addition to my oldest bio child.
Its really hard to sustain that level of wanting...when you are waiting. In my case, it was like people even forgot i was adopting, it took so long. ("Oh are you still doing THAT??") I read a lot of books, kept posting on my elists etc. The hard thing about adopting from foster care is its not like i could just buy a bunch of baby things, i had no idea how old the child would be, what size, etc. It was VERY hard on my bio son who was 9 when i started the process and 11 when his baby brother came home. He had this fantasy of having a sib to play with and so even though he was very happy to get a baby brother he never did get that "close in age" sib. (my kids are now 15, 10, 4, and 4) If i had to do it over i guess i would try to forget about the wait a little more, when it happens it happens. I also thought since we are constantly told no one wants to adopt older children, male children, black children that workers would be clamoring to place a child with me. Nope. Now i tell people "expect AT LEAST a one yr wait after your HS is finished, or even two, if it happens sooner great."
Luckily, even though i was doing regular foster care my very first placement turned out to be adoptable...no visits, TPR at four months of age. I really could not believe i had this healthy newborn baby who was so beautiful people would stop me in public to comment on him. Everything went textbook until finalization, it was perfect. Then my third foster placement (second was a little girl we had for two months who went to family) also became adoptable shortly after placement but that case was harder (long story) and i got his older sister too. So even though the initial wait took forever, once i switched agencies i ended up adopting three kids in three years.