OP, I am so sorry you are going through this, it really is SO, SO, SO incredibly hard. Funnily enough, I had someone IRL say the "don't leave them in the same room" thing when I never had and it was super annoying. I think people want to tell themselves that there must be a really easy solution or it's "your fault" so they can feel like it won't happen to them. Anyway, we moved a month after my second was born so that also did not help in the slightest but honestly, things have really gotten a lot better pretty recently and DD is 11 months old. Shit *HIT THE FAN* after she was born in ways I don't feel like recounting, lol. Same story, we are a totally ap/crunchy family and my DS (the toddler) just fell apart after DD/the move. He cried every time she cried, wasn't sleeping well, the him hitting her was soooo awful. I wish I had known about the no attention for the toddler when they were violent thing earlier because I have found that to help a lot. Someone said to me that all attention is good attention for them at that time and it really is so true. Anyway, just take things a day at a time and know you aren't alone! I became pregnant with an oopsie when my DD was 6 months old after thinking we would never have any more kids because it was so hard, so things are still pretty crazy in other ways but even so, it is sooooo much easier than in the beginning. Like night and day. Everyone says the transition from 1 to 2 is by far the absolute worst, 2 to 3 being so much easier so I'm hoping that's true! My other piece of advice that I wish I'd done is I'm not sure if it's in your budget at all, but I really wish I had gotten someone to come play with DS for a few hours even once or twice a week while I'm home. You can be so exhausted and wiped out, I think the fresh energy just focused on DS would have been really helpful for filling his cup up so to speak. Or for that person to hold the baby so I could have focused on DS. It felt really frivolous at the time but I really, really wish I'd done that. I also wanted to say that I remember crying every day after my DD had been born because it was so incredibly heart breaking for me how things were changing with my DS. I think when you are so attached, you feel it more or something. Little things like not feeling up to taking him to the playground, and having my husband take him instead absolutely wrecked me emotionally because that had always been *our thing*. That was another really difficult aspect that I wasn't prepared for. I remember the first day pp I didn't cry once all day felt like *such* an accomplishment, lol. I do have to say though that after going through that, things aren't the exact same with DS now, there is a new normal, but it is wonderful in a whole new way. Because DS is more attached to his Dad which is a wonderful thing, I'm not sure that would have happened in quite the same way if it hadn't kind of been "pushed" (like I was busy with the baby and truly couldn't get to him then so Dad would step in to help), and he also has this amazing relationship with his sister now. Truly, I couldn't picture it happening in the beginning, but seeing him tickle her now, and make each other laugh, and them hug, and chase each other around truly is just the sweetest, most adorable thing ever. It makes it all worth it and it will happen Mama, I promise. Anyway, sorry for the poorly worded post, up too early today but just wanted to respond!
Edited by OrangeMoon - 6/5/12 at 7:45am