How to cope with constant requests for things?

[KellyandBean]

My 2 year old seems to have gotten a bit (a bit is an understatement) out of control with requesting things from me. She is running me into the ground with it and leaving me no energy to actually play with her. I know a part of it is that she is overtired (refuses to nap lately) but i am CONSTANTLY bombarded with request like "i don't want this TV show i want a different one" "i don't want this shirt i want a different one" "i don't like this one" "i want another one" When does this end and how can i get her to tone it down a bit? Do i need to set limits or something and how do i do this? I'm having a really hard time not getting irritated with her. I can tell she is just requesting for the sake of it too because sometimes if i wait to long to respond she forgets she asked for it and stops or will start asking for something else entirely and forgets her first request. She also has no patients what so ever for me and repeats herself over and over not even giving me a chance to reply to her. Any advice would greatly be appreciated.

[brneyedmama]

well I'm curious to see what others have to say, because I'm having the same dilemma.  I'm sure it's totally normal developmentally, but it is completely exhausting.  All I can do is commiserate with you.  The only thing I've found that works (well it doesn't exactly work, but it gets me through the day) is to choose my battles.  I probably end up saying no 40-50% of the time and giving int he other half.  this will produce some tears and the occasional tantrum, but this is a part of learning -they can't always get what they want when they want.  I also insist on manners.  So IF I am going to change the t.v. show or give her a different type of food, it will only come after a please and thank you.  Good luck!

[Amy@STL]

My now 26 mo went through a horrible phase when he gave up naps ( he is back to napping most days of the week, I have to * work * on it though) and he was a monster! Defintely sounds lije your child is overtired as you say. I have found it helps to limit or take away screen time when they are already tired.
Have you tried " quiet time" instead of nap? It took us a while to get it( he has always fought nap/ lying down) but if I lie down, have the house dark, turn off everything and pretend am asleep, he eventually lies down with me or reads his books by my side and feels refreshed later on.

[newmamalizzy]

In the same boat (on the naps AND the demanding-ness).  I try to foresee the request and make it clear from the get-go that she's going to have to stick with her choice.  I follow through, there are the requisite tears, and things blow over.  If I DO decide to go with it, she absolutely has to ask in a nice voice.  We've had a lot of "I am not going to do anything for you if you're yelling at me" talks lately.  She tends to go straight from zero to desperate, so that's our biggest issue - getting her to calm down and just ask rather than immediately freaking out that she suddenly realized she doesn't have whatever it is she wants. I have her take deep breaths, I model what she should say and have her repeat it, and I try to be very clear to say things like "I will get you ___ when I am finished _____."  And then I repeat it again as I follow through, just to make sure she sees how waiting pays off.  And I do DEFINITELY get frustrated with her - every single day, even though I vow to myself each night that I will be more patient, and remind myself how quickly her toddlerhood is passing.  When I get really frustrated, I tend to chuck her in the car or the stroller and take her out somewhere.  I tell "Mommy's having quiet time until the ride is over.  We can talk again when we get home."  It sort of works :)

[Mittens]

I am new to this forum and relieved to be here. My just about 29 month old DD is going through the same, though she does nap. This only started in the last week or so, and until now reading all of your posts, i thought it was my fault. I'm a really sensitive person and Mom and this has been breaking me up inside because I hate to be the frustrated Mom. I blame everything that goes wrong on my parenting. Thank you all for sharing that becoming frustrated and reacting in ways we'd rather not sometimes is a normal reaction to dealing with difficult behavior of toddlers.

This afternoon i hit my breaking point a little. My husband was making lunch and i just wanted to go quickly to the yard to do a couple of things and then come back momentarily and join them for lunch. DD asked if she could come. I really didn't want her to because i knew that she would want to stay outside and then tantrum about coming back in and i literally was only going to be a moment. So i sweetly said no, that i would be back very quickly. But lately, she doesn't hear me. If she doesn't like my answer, she asks the same question over and over again whilst becoming increasingly upset. After constant episodes of this I finally gave up. I walked into the kitchen and told my husband that i can't take it anymore blah blah blah. She didn't hear me. But i felt better for having been heard and for letting some steam out.

But then this evening while i was cooking dinner, a similar situation happened, and she was being really mean in the way she voiced what she wanted and i finally just cried. I'm pregnant, so the hormones and lack of sleep aren't helping my patience or threshold for feeling hurt. I always thought that crying in front of your child was looked down upon, but what happened next made me realize otherwise. I said to her that she was being mean and that it really hurt my feelings, that i don't treat her that way so i don't understand why she treats me that way. She completely changed her demeanor, asked if i was sad and when i said, yes a little, but i'm okay, she offered me some of her milk. It was really very sweet and the rest of the night was wonderful. Not that i want to make crying in front of her a habit or anything, but i think her seeing me in such a human moment could possibly have made something in her thought processes about her behavior, click.

Thanks for letting me share that. I don't have much of a support network these days since just moving and close friends moving out of the country and no family around, so it means a great deal to be able to share and be heard. I have a feeling i will be a regular on this forum.
 

[Amy@STL]

PP, you will find lot of support here, welcome and I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough phase. A lot of Mamas here and my friends who have been pregnant and handling a toddler will tell you, its not easy! So be kind to yourself. You sound a wonderul mom.

I like this blog and some of her posts have helped me http://joyfultoddlers.com/2011/04/meltdowns-and-tantrums/

Hang in there and it will get better soon!

[Mittens]

Amy, thank you for your kind words and for that awesome link. I just read through it and have it bookmarked. I'm going to share it with my husband as well. Man, did i ever drink in every single word of it. I'm so grateful. It is full of hands on, practical and compassionate tips. You made my day!!
 

[Mittens]

Aaaaand, i just put it into use, already! And it was magic. My DD wanted a cookie for breakfast, which i've been working on a lot to help her understand that cookies are treats and we need to eat something healthy beforehand, but she was insistent and yelling, NO! to every breakfast suggestion until finally i gave her some bagel topping options and she chose one and that was that. But right before that, i held her in my arms and cuddled her, told her i understand her disappointment and how much i love her no matter what. She said, yeah, and melted in my arms. It was wonderful.

I find that she "hears" me best when we're cuddling, and that's something i've always noticed, but there's something about reading it in that article along with the other advice that really clicked for me.

Thanks again, Amy!! I hope that link helps many other struggling parents and their toddlers!

[Amy@STL]

That is wonderful !! Now you made my day I know a little girl was
HelPed and her mama .

[Mittens]

Aww, that's sweet. Thanks Amy.

And sorry to the OP KellyandBean for thread jacking! I appreciate your sharing!

[P.J.]

Originally Posted by Amy@STL 

PP, you will find lot of support here, welcome and I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough phase. A lot of Mamas here and my friends who have been pregnant and handling a toddler will tell you, its not easy! So be kind to yourself. You sound a wonderul mom.
I like this blog and some of her posts have helped me http://joyfultoddlers.com/2011/04/meltdowns-and-tantrums/
Hang in there and it will get better soon!

This is a great blog. I also love Dr. Laura: http://www.ahaparenting.com/  Her sections on toddlers and preschoolers have loads of very useful tips. I love her holistic approach to parenting and I have found when I follow her (and others') suggestions to focus on connecting and the bigger picture rather than the specific behaviors....his "mis"behavior goes down dramatically. It really works!

[Mittens]

P.J. thanks so much for the Dr Laura link. I've been checking it out. I really like her ideas on empathic limit setting.