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June 2012 Infertility One Thread- June Bugs Bring Spring Births - Page 11

post #201 of 292
Vegan - thanks for the input. I'm not sure what path you took to conceiving. Would you mind sharing what the diminished ovarian reserve meant for your treatment? My background: I conceived my DD on the second month trying when I was 31. We've been trying for #2 since I got my PPAF in April 2011. I had a missed m/c in March 2012, so it took us about 10 months to conceive that pregnancy. I was charting and we had well timed intercourse for 8 of those months. I'd really just like to set my expectations appropriately. I'd like to have minimal intervention, but if that's not a reasonable thing to wish for, I'd like to know that too. I'm 34.5 y/o now. Thanks for any input.
post #202 of 292

SKJ: We have very similar stories! Except, that my DH also has a very low sperm count - so that complicated things for us. I got pregnant w/DD after 6 mos of NTNP - au natural. I was 29.  Got PPAF when she was 15 months old and started trying then. I was 31. I was still nursing and my luteal phase was really short so I asked the doc to test my progesterone levels and sure enough they were super low. I also got an FSH reading of 13.6. I sort of freaked and called a bunch of REs and eveyrone said it could be cuased by nursing. So I weaned my daughter bc I figured I needed to know for sure and didn't want to waste precious time. I got pregnant the first month after weaning, but had a chemical preg. After that, I tried a month of using prometrium after O and a month of clomid at 50mg. But before the doc would up my dose of clomid, she insisted DH get tested. Turned out he had a very low count (6 million usually). I sort of lost hope but asked my doc to let me keep trying w/prometrium, just in case. Sure enough, I got pregnant that very next cycle after hearing about DH's count (about 4 mos after my chemical). I had a miscarriage close to 10 weeks (baby stopped growing at 8.5 weeks). 

 

BC of my DH's count, we had scheduled an appointment w/the RE (had been seeing OB before). The appointment was 3 days after I got that last BFP. He did an antral count (even though it really wasn't the correct time in my cycle to do it) and only saw 1 follicle there (and I had obviously ovulated 1 bc I was prego). I was so scared I would lose the baby after hearing that I had so few eggs - and sure enough, I did. 

 

Since time was not on my side w/the follicle count and since DH had issues, we started doing IUIs a few months after my miscarriage (the RE made me wait since I had a D&C). I took 5 mg femara for each IUI. We did 3 IUIs. I had 2 follicles respond the first time, 3 respond the second and 4 the third time. I had started taking coenzyme Q-10 to improve egg quality, DHEA and 2 oz of wheatgrass/day. I also did acupuncture weekly at a community clinic so it was only $20/session. By my last IUI I had 7 antral follicles and 5 grew - but only 4 were big enough for IUI. None of the IUIs worked. We decided to turn to IVF at that point bc DH's numbers and bc I didn't want to waste anymore time or money.

 

I did a low stim protocol for IVF. We figured I had less eggs that could respond so why bother with massive doses of meds. I had an antral follicle count of 9 for my IVF cycle. Pretty surprised after it having been 2! My estrogen numbers were normal and my FSH was only 6. I took 5 mg femara since I had responded well and then added in low dose of injectibles. I ended up getting 6 eggs but only 4 were mature. I think in hindsight that maybe we should have used a higher dose bc I do think I would have had more respond - but we never expected 9 antral follicles!! Of the 4 that were mature, only 1 actually fertilized with ICSI! We don't know if that was an egg issue or a sperm issue. I'm guessing egg. Thankfully that 1 grew into a very high grade embryo. They said the shell on the embie was thick so they did assisted hatching. So who knows - maybe the IUIs were creating embryos but they coulnd't implant bc of thick shells. This is common with older women and diminished reserve. Anyway, the 1 miracle embie stuck and I'm 25 weeks pregnant. :-) IVF can tell you a lot about egg quality, etc. Oh and I am 33 right now. 

 

Your numbers don't sound so bad. Are they going to test your progesertone levels after O to make sure they are high enough? If your DH doesn't have a problem, you likely won't have nearly as hard a time as me. But if you are concerned, you might not spend too long trying to go the natural route since you likely have less time to be successful. Perhaps try some supplements and acupuncture before trying meds? You obviously have been able to get pregnant naturally so far. Taking femara or clomid just increases your odds each month by giving you more eggs that could work.

 

Feel free to PM me. I'm sorry this was so long.

 

Cindy

post #203 of 292
Cindy - Thanks so so much! That was really helpful. My DH is going in for an SA tomorrow, so we'll see how that side of things looks. I'll def. PM you once i hear back from the doc if I have questions. And, so happy to hear that you're a success story! Congrats.
post #204 of 292

Sorry I don't really have time to respond to every one right now.

 

My one follicle is up to 21mm, lining 9.6 so it looks like I'll be triggering tomorrow and IUI on Sat. I have been struggling with feeling angry about everything.

post #205 of 292
Thread Starter 

Sila- Yay for trigger! The angry feelings are normal and justified. As long as you recognize them and confront them, you will manage.

post #206 of 292

Sila- ((HUGS)) yes,l have been struggling with my anger as well. I know what you are talking about. It can be very blinding and difficult to get past. I am struggling with that as well right now. I feel for you, no one deserves this. So, much harder than anyone can describe!!!!

 

I hope things start turning around for you. Have you done anything differently with your cycles, or tried anything new?

 

I think after a certain time period, things just start to feel impossible. At least how I have felt. Sorry your going through a hard time, I know it hurts!

post #207 of 292
I've decided I need a break from discussion forums so you guys won't be seeing me around for a while. I'll come back when I feel up to it.
post #208 of 292

I feel I am learning SO much on here! I am picking up on the acronyms and reading other experiences really helps me feel so much less isolated! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and journeys! I just scheduled the second part of my IVF consultation JIC this IUI doesnt take. DH and I talked last night about options if IVF doesn't work out. We both agreed that if this IUI (our 3rd w/50mg Clomid) didnt work out, we would take some time off, try to relax and recoup emotionally/physically a bit and then move on to IVF. We also discussed adoption and fostering. He has reservations about fostering and adopting older kids but also acknowledged its a gut reaction and is open to going to information sessions and talking to other adoptive/foster families. It's funny that this is one of the ways in which we differ. He is very much a "Dont worry about something until there is something to worry about" and I like to know what the next steps are. I am also horribly impatient so there is that too :-).

post #209 of 292
Thread Starter 

Sourire- We'll miss you, but we understand. Nieves- Glad this board has been helpful and you and DH had a good talk.

post #210 of 292

Sourire - I'm heartbroken for you, and I will simply not ever stop checking in to see how you are doing, whenever you feel you are ready to come back.

 

Guys, I am always thinking of you and following along. I just don't know why there seems to be so much...difficulty, unfairness, general badness...hanging around my girls. I hate it. (And I do not use the word hate very often.) Sending out lots of love to you all.

post #211 of 292
Sourire- Take the time you need, the situation with your doctor sounds overwhelming & it is understandable you need to wrap your head around things. I do hope you can find a practitioner that will be more in tun with your needs. I'll be thinking of you and praying for a success story fom you soon.

Sila- one good follicle could still be the only one you need. The anger part sucks... My real like IF friends were just talking about our first unsuccessful ART cyles and how hard i was to feel hopeful after that. I hope this cyle has an unexpected outcome. Good luck with your IUI, that DH is coopertive, his numbers are great and the procedure is easy breezy.
post #212 of 292
Cross posting from the IVF Thread....

Hi all... I've been reading along and had every intention of doing personals tonight after a very long day, but.... life had other plans for me. I'm in a state of limbo at the moment. My beta has dropped from 56.3 to 44.3, estrogen rose to 750 from 540, and progesterone is down from 10.8 to 7.5. So, things aren't looking great. A nurse left me a message at 6p (as I was starting a work event!). I only got half the message the first time I listened to it - devastated by both the numbers and the fact that it was a random nurse and not the Dr. calling me. Spoke to the Dr. on call - he said they're concerned about the pregnancy and want to watch it carefully - 50/50 chance of making it. Later in the conversation though when I asked if there was still a chance I could maintain the pregnancy, he said "yes, a slight chance." I just listened to the voicemail from the nurse again, and it turns out that my Dr. (who is now only working Mon, Tues, Thurs) is planning to come in tomorrow at 8am to discuss with me and to do more blood work. So, I have to drop DH off at the hospital (he's having surgery for a small varicocele) at 7:30am, then scoot over to the clinic and then get back to the hospital. What a great weekend this will be. Sigh. The sobbing has stopped for now. DH wants to see a movie after his surgery tomorrow (I'm like, really? Right after surgery??), so if he's feeling up to it, I think it will make for a good distraction. I know our little guy was only the size of a poppy seed, but it still sucks. Anyone think there's a remote chance that it could be "vanishing twin?" Not sure the syndrome actually affects hCG and/or progesterone levels, though. Trying to hope for the best, but it's really freaking hard. Every twinge in my tummy is sending me into anxiety mode. Sorry to be a bummer, but I know you all understand.

Sourire: I'm sorry love. I will definitely miss you, but I totally get it. Sending you ginormous hugs smile.gif

Sila: Don't you wish you had a punching bag sometimes?

Nieve: You and your husband sound just like me and my husband (with the next steps stuff!)
Edited by teresaresa - 6/22/12 at 6:31pm
post #213 of 292

Teresa, I am so so sorry. Take care of yourself. Hoping for a miracle for you guys.

post #214 of 292

Sila - I am glad that your one follie is powering along.  Wishing good things for your trigger and IUI blowkiss.gif PS - I actually bought a punching bag after loss #3, and YES it did help!  

 

Sourire - I'm so sorry about your loser doctor and all the bullsh*t.  I know that it can get so hard.  Taking a break - yeah I've done it multiple times now, but maybe you should line up an appointment with another RE (another opinion!) in a month or two's time.  You can always cancel it, but you might be glad you made it!    flowersforyou.gif

 

Teresa - Cuss.gif  How many DPO are you now?  Your progesterone seems too low to me - are you on 100 or 200mg?  

I know you mentioned that your doc said the level was okay because of your meds, but still...  In my opinion that is too low to support a pregnancy!  

Re: vanishing twin - yes, that can cause a "dip" in hcg levels (but shouldn't affect progesterone).  Also, you had the two blood draws really close together right?  HCG counts are not an exact science, and changes in labs, techs, equipment, etc can all affect the result.  What I mean by that, is that it is possible that your numbers haven't gone down, and that it is to do with the lab.  

I don't say this to give you false hope, because it would be pretty unlikely, but not impossible.  

 

In saying that, I've been in your shoes - with my second pregnancy, I was told that there was a 95% chance that I would miscarry.  Baby was alive, but he was struggling.  My friends, family, doctor, etc all kept telling me to stay positive, and to hope, and pray, and it would all be okay.  All I wanted was someone to let me be realistic instead of positive, and I felt like I was a bad person for thinking that my baby was going to die.  I knew, in my heart that bubs wouldn't make it, and I felt like the more I had my hopes up, the harder I would fall.  

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that it's okay to be scared and to have negative thoughts.  Thoughts don't make bad things happen.  

 

I'll be keeping you and baby Poppy Seed in my thoughts.  Keep us posted.  dust.gif

 

AFM:  I actually had a pretty positive appointment today, but I don't feel right about talking about it when so many are struggling.  

post #215 of 292

Sending out hugs and light to everyone stuggling! This road is so hard...

post #216 of 292
Teresa - Cuss.gif I'm so, so, so sorry you are dealing with this. It's just not fair. I'm desperately hoping that your poppy seed is a fighter. I'll be thinking of you lots today. goodvibes.gif

Sourire - hug2.gif. I'll be thinking of you too and hope you pop back in with amazing news soon.

Sila - hug.gif. It only takes one, right? I so hope that this is the ONE for you. blowkiss.gif

grouphug.gif
post #217 of 292

Teresa - Furiously sending good thoughts your way. It is so, so awful waiting on those numbers and trying to divine them...I know. Lots of love to you.

post #218 of 292

Ok I confess that I'm still lurking because I want to find out what happens to Teresa... Teresa my thoughts are with you. I hope things take a turn for the better. 

 

Here's a song for Deportivo and Teresa... what you are going through is so difficult. I've been listening to this song a lot recently because it kind of reflects how I've been feeling:

Sarah McLachlan - Hold On

(warning: I cry every time I listen to it, it still gets me even after hearing it like 100 times!)

 

Here are the lyrics to the song which are so amazing. I've bolded my favorite parts.

 

Hold on
Hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell

Hold on
Hold on to yourself
you know that only time will tell
What is it in me that refuses to believe
this isn't easier than the real thing
My love
you know that you're my best friend
you know I'd do anything for you
my love
let nothing come between us
my love for you is strong and true
Am I in heaven here or am I...
at the crossroads I am standing
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face
Oh god if you're out there won't you hear me
I know that we've never talked before
oh god the man I love is leaving
won't you take him when he comes to your door
Am I in heaven here or am I in hell
at the crossroads I am standing

Now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light that brings a smile
across your face...
Hold on
hold on to yourself
for this is gonna hurt like hell

 

 

Thanks for being so understanding about my break guys... I took a 4 month break from the forums last year and it really helped me get back to living my life normally and not being obsessed with TTC. I hope it works again this time because I feel like I'm nearing the verge of insanity and I want to get away from this downward spiral before I spiral too far down to get out! Though I don't think I'll go away for quite as long this time... maybe 1-2 months, a nice summer holiday :). I hope to come back to a ton of BFPs from all of you! My chart will always be up to date for those of you with stalker tendencies ;)


Edited by Sourire - 6/22/12 at 10:24am
post #219 of 292
Teresa - Thinking about you.
post #220 of 292

Teresa- Thinking of you today.

 

Sourire- I am confident it will be good for you to take a small break to regroup. Infertility can take so much out of someone, it is unbelievable. How much it can take away from someone. Infertility has taken so much from me; I never knew that could happen. It takes time away from you, it can take your confidence away. It can break anyone's beliefs. It is hard no doubt. I want everything to go your way. If I had the power I would give you a baby, absolutely I would.

 

I immediately started to cry after reading those lyrics. I don't know how many times I have cried over the past four years. I don't even want to know. Before, this I got to such a low point that I was just crying and begging God to hear me each night. I don't know what will happen to this little one. I want to believe that give birth to this baby. I just don't know. Thats not me being negative, not one bit. It is me speaking through my pain over years of disappointment and heartache.

 

Sorry for you hurt, I wish I could take it away. For now, I just want to let you know, I get what that is like. The obsession and the feeling of possible insanity, something I know all too well.

 

Take care of yourself on your break. Try to be selfish if you can, you deserve it!

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