Stress re: names if it's a boy « Back to Group Discussions

[abouttobe5]

OK, so my DH who I love dearly wants the baby named after him if it's a boy.  Our first son is named Blake Thomas (so his middle name is my DH's name) but he wants this one if it's a boy to be named Tom too.  

1.  This post means no disrespect to people who like to carry on a namesake.  I just prefer not to. We have used middle names to recognize people in our family but I think personally the first name should be unique to the individual.

2.  I think it's crazy to name one child Blake Thomas and then have the second child named Thomas.  Can you say overkill?

3.  My DH is Tom.  His dad is Tom.  And there are 3 (three!!!) other Tom's on his side of the family.  Our son would have an identity crisis before the age of 5.  It's almost a joke if you call the name "Tom" out at any family function b/c five people respond.  For the record, Victor is also popular on their side...for women it's Theresa or Valerie on his mom's side and on his dad's side all female cousins are named with the first letter of J.  (It was like they conspired together all the aunts and uncles to create this naming thing....)  We truly bucked the trend.  

But he's already gunning for this name and refuses to even think of any others.  Now, this is how he approached our second baby before he was born (we didn't find out until the birth if it was boy or girl) and I managed to make it the middle name.  But I just get so frustrated that he refuses to even consider other names.  

Just had to vent.  I mean, I realize that there is a 50% chance of it being a girl.  So that would eliminate the entire problem to begin with.  And if it is a boy, then we just have to move forward and decide on a name.  But seriously, what is with the insistence on naming a child after one's self.  I get that it would be considered tradition but he already has our one son named after him and I don't see why it's necessary to have both of them named after him.  

(I'm done now)  :)

[Thyme Mama]

I totally get what you're saying!!! DH is a Frederick Junior. He goes by Freddy. My maternal uncle, grandfather and great-grandfather are all Fred(erick)'s too. DH jokes about his parents had absolutely no imagination to name him after his Dad. He strongly believes in children having their own identities through their name, and he has also tried to convince me to not give our kids middle names. Though on the other side of that coin he has also tried to get me to give our kids middle names after family members.

IMHO, giving a second boy the name Thomas after you have already given your firstborn son that middle name is just..........kinda weird!
 

[oikophile]

I'm with you, OP. One of your kids already has Dad's name! I guess he could be like George Foreman, who named all of his sons George...

[jenrford]

Just piping up to say I am on your side! The most frustrating part is how he won't even consider anything else. Hello! You're a very important part of bringing this baby into the world; you should get to take part in naming him/her.

Praying for a girl! haha 

[sere234]

Originally Posted by oikophile 

I'm with you, OP. One of your kids already has Dad's name! I guess he could be like George Foreman, who named all of his sons George...

Really?!?!? He did???

Thyme Mama- I'm no too big on the Jr/Sr names either. Hope you figure out a way to come to an agreement on NOT naming this kid after your DH!

[kateaton]

That's frustrating!  My dh wanted a namesake when we had our first- he's Dave and his father is also.  I don't like the name Dave.   I feel very strongly about choosing names for aesthetic reasons, although I'd be open to using David as a middle name if it went with the first name.  I always pull the 'card' that I'm gestating this child for 9 months and pushing it out, so I should get more say than he does.  He actually seems to sort of agree 

[franjapany]

Originally Posted by jenrford 

Just piping up to say I am on your side! The most frustrating part is how he won't even consider anything else. Hello! You're a very important part of bringing this baby into the world; you should get to take part in naming him/her.

Praying for a girl! haha 

ha! couldn't have put it any better :) let's hope for a girl - sounds like this is an argument that could prove hard to resolve. ugh. kinda annoying and ego-centric, no? maybe there are some issues your dh should tackle? not that that would be wise to suggest, as his wife... I often wish my dh had friends who'd put his head right every now and again without me needing to go through the hard and painful process myself, iykwim.

[Bmorefarmgirl]

Ugghh! That is really frustrating. My hubby and I have a hard time agreeing on names, but at least we are picking new ones, not fighting over the jr/sr thing. I agree. Two Thomases in one batch of siblings is one Thomas too many.

[abouttobe5]

Yea...I'm glad I"m not just hormonal on this one.  :)  Thanks for the feedback!  We'll know June 12th whether if its boy or girl.  :)  I can't say I"m rooting for team pink but I do think the naming thing would be a LOT EASIER!

[Thyme Mama]

Originally Posted by sere234 

Thyme Mama- I'm no too big on the Jr/Sr names either. Hope you figure out a way to come to an agreement on NOT naming this kid after your DH!

And all of George Foreman daughters are named Georgette, Georgina etc.,. Can you just imagine???

Oh no, DH would NEVER EVER name our kid a junior. That was exactly my point. Dh IS a junior and he HATES it. He thinks it's unimaginative and unintelligent and that his parents naming him a junior proves that they are unimaginative and unintelligent.

He seems to kind of LIKE middle names named for family though.

[abouttobe5]

Originally Posted by Thyme Mama 

And all of George Foreman daughters are named Georgette, Georgina etc.,. Can you just imagine???

Uh, yeah, no ego there.  And apparently either a mama who really supports that decision OR one who wasn't thinking clearly when she agreed to the names. :)

If it's a girl and he requests Tomassina, you ladies will be the first to know.  And I expect you all to come up to Ontario and give my husband a stern talking to.  

[JodiAriel]

It is against Jewish religion to name for the living so I luckily don't have to worry about it but I agree with you, I don't agree with jr/sr.  I think it is incredibly selfish to give your child your name because you are basically not allowing them to have their own identity from day 1.  I have a coworker who has the same name as her mother and her brother and father have the same name... it's ridiculous.

[oikophile]

Originally Posted by JodiAriel 

It is against Jewish religion to name for the living so I luckily don't have to worry about it but I agree with you, I don't agree with jr/sr.  I think it is incredibly selfish to give your child your name because you are basically not allowing them to have their own identity from day 1.  I have a coworker who has the same name as her mother and her brother and father have the same name... it's ridiculous.

We are following the Ashkenazi custom as well (partner is Jewish, I am not). (I think Sephardim do name for the living, particularly grandparents.) My partner's dad isn't Jewish and he (my FIL) has the same name as his father, grandfather, great-grandfather and great-great-grandfather! I don't think he appreciated that tradition--I'm not sure if my (Jewish) MIL really cared about observing the Jewish custom, but they broke the tradition with my partner, the first-born son. He was named after two of his deceased maternal ancestors.

My personal preference is for kids to have a name chosen independently as a first name, and a (in our case, deceased) family member or close friend's name as a middle name. But actually our #1 name in the running for a girl is the name of a deceased person--not a family member, but a public figure we both admire.

[Bmorefarmgirl]

Playing devil's advocate here for the sake of conversation....

I didn't even make the connection til now, but my sister and I were both named after family members. Emily for our (deceased) great grandma Emma, and susanne after our (still living) aunt susan. My other sister has the same middle name as my mother and my niece has the same middle name. Not exactly the same as jr/sr or two siblings having the same name, but these names were given out of a sense of respect and honor, not ego or unimaginativeness.

As far as identity goes, I spend most of my time interacting with people who don't know my family. Most of us don't live in the same state, let alone know a lot of the same people who would confuse our identities. No matter what the name of a child, there will always be comparisons made between parent and child. There is no true individual. We are all the product of our parents and our parents' parents, whether named Thomas IV or Galaxina Rainbow.

[TheDivineMrsM]

Originally Posted by oikophile 

My personal preference is for kids to have a name chosen independently as a first name, and a (in our case, deceased) family member or close friend's name as a middle name. But actually our #1 name in the running for a girl is the name of a deceased person--not a family member, but a public figure we both admire.

Also Ashkenazi Jewish (and so is DH) so we're exempt from this issue... but instead, we get to argue over which of our beloved deceased gets the honor. {{bangs head in wall}} 

I'm not a fan of parents and children sharing first names. I know it's my cultural bias speaking, but it just bothers me - like a PP said, it's like the child doesn't get to have their own identity. And Thomas isn't one of those names with multiple nickname options. (One of my friends has a FIL, DH, and son all named William, but they go by Will, Bill, and Liam). As the baby maker, you get a say over this child's name! I think it's unfair that he won't consider other options. 

Are you going to find out the sex? Since it's causing you stress, waiting until you find out might allay some of it. DH and I decided to table our argument over boys names until it's confirmed we're having a boy. 

[CindyCindy]

Originally Posted by TheDivineMrsM 

Are you going to find out the sex? Since it's causing you stress, waiting until you find out might allay some of it. DH and I decided to table our argument over boys names until it's confirmed we're having a boy. 

Exactly my thoughts.  Maybe, maybe, start to rehash the name thing if you find out it's a boy.  But I would venture to guess your hubby is more likely to be open to different names if the idea comes from someone else, or he gets a lot of feedback from others that it's not the best decision.  Sometimes arguing over stuff only makes us more steadfast in what we want.  Know what I mean?

[Thyme Mama]

Originally Posted by Bmorefarmgirl 


I didn't even make the connection til now, but my sister and I were both named after family members. Emily for our (deceased) great grandma Emma, and susanne after our (still living) aunt susan. My other sister has the same middle name as my mother and my niece has the same middle name. Not exactly the same as jr/sr or two siblings having the same name, but these names were given out of a sense of respect and honor, not ego or unimaginativeness.
 

See, I think that's kind of sweet. It's the JR/SR thing that I think rubs me the most wrong. That's ego-centric and unimaginative (as my JR husband says).

Though, my (crazy) aunt named her three boys after her three brothers (one of those brothers being my father). So at family things, there were two of everyone and of course the younger namesakes end up with RIDICULOUS nicknames to compensate. Ridiculous example: one of those cousins was called Little C*****, then it got shortened to "L.C.". To my kid ears "L.C." sounded like "Elsie" and I couldn't figure out why everyone called him a girls name.

*sigh* IDK, I guess in my mind there is a fine line between showing respect/honor and being "cheesy", for lack of a better term.

[kparker]

Haha I guess I have no good input, as my husband is the Fourth and we'll be naming this kid after him (the Fifth) if it's a boy. I never, EVER liked naming traditions with ANY exes and thought friends/family that did that were totally stupid. Once I met my husband, it was like a switch was flipped. We both agreed on the boy's name before we were even engaged. It's weird.

At least it's not as bad as some of you. There's only my husband and his dad, vs a billion with the same name. It's interesting: my mother-in-law can call out their first name, and depending on the one she wants, that one will reply. I cannot for the LIFE of me distinguish any tone or anything that indicates who she wants. It's psychic crazy stuff.

[abouttobe5]

Turns out that unless he wants a girl named after him, it won't be an issue!  20 week u/s yesterday showed three lines clearly!  :)  So, off to make a girls name list that does not include the name Tom!!!  :)  Geesh, all that stress for nothing!

[TheDivineMrsM]

Originally Posted by abouttobe5 

Turns out that unless he wants a girl named after him, it won't be an issue!  20 week u/s yesterday showed three lines clearly!  :)  So, off to make a girls name list that does not include the name Tom!!!  :)  Geesh, all that stress for nothing!

Yay for baby girls!!

What kinds of names do you like? Traditional? Biblical? Ethnic? Cree8tive? Girls names are lots of fun =)