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Queer Conceptions June 2012 - Page 2

post #21 of 190
6/1/12 at 12:29pm
Thread Starter 

Hang in there, Angela!  It's still early.

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post #22 of 190
6/1/12 at 12:45pm

Hmmm...so, got the call from the clinic and DWs beta is 4 and "I would like to see it at least at 50 with a low end of 30".  The nurse then started talking about chemical pregnancies and then paused...and said, "hmmm, this was too early to test.  They should have scheduled this for monday".  To which I said, "hmmm, by monday we could be looking at an in-range beta"...to which she said "yes" that's possible.

 

Result, inconclusive.  So, we will be holding off on the tequila, taking the progesterone and looking at each other in confusion and annoyance for the next 3 days.  Goody.

 

So, we might be a teensy tiny bit pregnant.  Or, we might not be.  

post #23 of 190
6/1/12 at 1:11pm
Thread Starter 

Wow, wishin', that is annoying!  I'm sorry you have to spend your weekend in limbo.  Do you plan on doing a HPT?  Sending hugs to you and DW.

post #24 of 190
6/1/12 at 1:19pm

I don't know yet, I mean, we have a couple of HPTs...so mayhaps on Sunday.  But, I fudged around on a beta hcg calculator to figure out if it was indeed possible that a beta of 4, 3 days prior to when they wanted a beta of 30 or higher, would double in time--and it looks like it could.  Which, still means nothing, other than the fact that we MIGHT be pregnant, and if they had tested on the day they were supposed to (this coming Monday) we would have gotten a definitive "you're pregnant".  Sorry, that's confusing!  So, we'll see.  

post #25 of 190
6/1/12 at 4:32pm
Thread Starter 

AFM- I am still waiting for AF to arrive so I can move on already!  For some reason I didn't think my cycle would be its usual length the first month after an early loss, I though it would be shorter.  So far, it's not shorter at all.  My RE won't let me order my prescriptions or make an appointment for the follicle scan until my cycle actually starts.  So I have to wait until Monday.  I would still like to have my appointment on a specific day which may be a different CD than they prefer.  One of the people I work for will be out of the office that week and I'm trying to go in before he leaves.  I guess the scheduling and missing work stuff is just stressing me out.  I'm going to try not to get worked up about it. 

I also have to go in tomorrow and take a pregnancy test before they will give me the prescription for letrozole/femara because they have to make sure I am not pregnant before I take it.  She asked me if I had had a negative pregnancy test recently, and I said yes thinking back to the one last month that told me I definitely wasn't pregnant anymore.  It's kind of insulting that I have to take the test.  There's no possible way I could be pregnant.  I know when sperm gets anywhere near me.  Oh well.  TGIF.  I hope everyone has a great weekend that's not frustrating and that's full of happy news!

post #26 of 190
6/2/12 at 7:39am

Welcome, granite. I'm in Vancouver. A friend of mine and her husband worked with an RE in Victoria after having no luck for about 7 years with different clinics over here. She now has 3 year old twin girls :) I've heard the doc is amazing! Good luck.

 

outdoorsy: Hooray for normal blood results :)

 

Angela: Sorry about the negative. But keep us updated as it is still early!

 

wishin: Yikes, not a nice spot to be in! Keep us updated I hope you get positive news!

 

pokey: Yeah, taking the test sounds like a waste of time. Sorry you have to be put through it. Hoping AF starts soon!

 

 

Afm: CD7 today. I'm having trouble temping this cycle as DD has been sick so up a lot at night. I've also been sick which is annoying. I have an appointment on Monday to discuss the u/s results and figure out if/when I have to treat this extremely painful hernia. I'm getting a bit scared how a pregnancy could affect and be affected by it.


Edited by carmen358 - 6/2/12 at 8:28pm
post #27 of 190
6/2/12 at 2:49pm
BFN @ 10dpo. I've pretty much given up hope. Anyway...

Wishin- I hope Monday brings a strong and fabulous beta number. Fingers crossed.

Carmen- oh, the night sicknesses are the worst. Hoping DD feels better soon, and that you get some medical answers.

Sorry for the brevity- on my phone and exhausted!
post #28 of 190
6/3/12 at 7:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelaM View Post

BFN @ 10dpo. I've pretty much given up hope. Anyway...
Wishin- I hope Monday brings a strong and fabulous beta number. Fingers crossed.
Carmen- oh, the night sicknesses are the worst. Hoping DD feels better soon, and that you get some medical answers.
Sorry for the brevity- on my phone and exhausted!


Bah. So sorry hug2.gif

 

 

I just realized we have tried 8 times this time around! Wow....7 times for DD seemed like a lifetime!

post #29 of 190
6/3/12 at 10:37pm

Thanks for all the advice about the known donor donation issues. I remember reading about the 6 month waiting period, but I must have ignored it at the time since we had planned on ordering frozen. Now that we have the possibility of using KD sperm I guess it really applies. So, I guess DW and I are going to see if we can talk him into donating directly to us. The main thing we are struggling with seems to be how to ask for everything we need. He is wonderfully nice, and his wife is super supportive, this is just not a conversation that we have don't every day. Any advice? Also, does anyone have an example of paperwork that they have drawn up between their KD and themselves?  I'm not sure what all we need to include in a "contract" with him.  Any info you can give me would be great. Thanks!

 

Still hoping to try this month, but nothing for sure. If KD works out, we definitely will. If we have to order, it won't be until July. I'm kind of just ready to get on with the whole thing. Enough waiting and planning... 

post #30 of 190
6/4/12 at 6:58am

I'm sending lots of baby dust to everyone hoping that this week is a positive one! dust.gif

 

Wishin: Good luck with the upcoming tests! Were you going in today for the second blood test? Fingers are crossed for you!

 

Pokey: I hope AF comes right away so you can get started on the next cycle. I know the wait can be dreadful. But soon you will be starting again on a new cycle! :) I hope its the right cycle for you!

 

Angela: sorry about the BFNs, there's still hope though!

 

Carmen: Sorry your DD is sick, thats got to be rough. We're at about the same point in the TWW (I'm at 7DPO today). When will you test?

 

Afm: Just waiting whistling.gif I feel like I did a good job last week not stressing over the TWW, but I have a feeling this second week is going to be a bit harder. Now its like a countdown clock in my head all day long. I think I"ll test at 10DPO even though I know that is really early. No early pregnancy symptoms... although I am on the lookout!

post #31 of 190
6/4/12 at 7:42am

Photogirl - Back when we had a KD, we wrote up an agreement by adapting something I found online by Googling "donor insemination agreement" or something like that. There are some examples you can look at on different websites. You should know, though, that the agreement won't necessarily be legally binding, especially with regard to the donor's rights. I talked to a lawyer who said that in Massachusetts, a biological father cannot give up his parental rights until the baby is three days old. And, of course, it should be formalized in court. But the agreement can be a good way to get a written record of everyone's expectations going into the arrangement, and may prompt you to talk about things with the donor that would be harder to talk about outside the context of the agreement.

 

Angela - Yuck for a BFN! I'm sorry.

 

Carmen - Hope you and DD feel better.

 

Wishin - Good luck with the beta!!!

 

AFM - Got a voicemail from the midwife on Sunday (while at my sister's DD's first birthday party). She said my CD 10 FSH and estradiol were "great" and that I should be ready to insem soon. Today is CD 13.

post #32 of 190
6/4/12 at 7:56am

Photo: Yes, the conversations with KD can be awkward. However, I think it's really important to be able to overcome that and have the awkward conversations....it's important to have a VERY open relationship in regards to communications and expectations. Try explaining to him that your chances are much better if you insem with fresh and since you value his (and your) time you think it's the best way to go. If you have really regular cycles and can pinpoint O fairly well then it shouldn't be too much of a "surprise" to him in terms of timing. You can give him lots of notice and make sure he is available. I usually let my KD know as soon as I can when I think I'll O. And yes, we have a contract that a lawyer acquaintance of mine drew up - she specializes in queer family law. The contract is not legally binding but it does show intent and apparently does go a long way in court. Before you do the contract make sure you are all very clear what the relationship between KD and the baby will be. If you are all not on the same page it could cause problems. Good luck!

 

wannabmom: I'm at CD9 - not 9DPO ;) Fingers crossed for you!

 

outdoorsy: Good to hear all your test results are coming in great :)

 

 

Afm: CD9 and just started the monitor sticks again. I hope I O Sunday at the latest. I have acupuncture tomorrow and my (and DD's) cold is finally starting to subside a bit.

post #33 of 190
6/4/12 at 9:56am

BFN, blah.

post #34 of 190
6/4/12 at 9:58am

Sorry wishin hug2.gif
 

Carmen: oops! duh.gif that mistake must have been because I am not getting my morning coffee! Lol

post #35 of 190
6/4/12 at 10:17am

Wishin- I'm sorry. :( Big hugs.

 

Wanna- Fingers crossed for you!

 

Carmen- Glad DD is feeling better, and hopeful that this is the cycle for you guys!

 

AFM- 12 dpo. I haven't tested in two days, and I don't plan to again. I haven't started spotting yet, but I feel like AF is about to come. My cramps, which were steady between 6-10dpo, disappeared by the afternoon of 10dpo. Now I'm beginning to feel crampy again, which I'm sure is AF coming. We've been talking about our plan for moving forward. We have one vial of sperm left, and the doctor wants to try one more cycle of medicated IUI. After that, she wants to reevaluate, and consider moving on to injectibles or IVF. I'm not sure what we'll do at that point. This process has led us into some conversations about how much we're willing to do, and about what our lives might look like with just one child. It's hard- I feel like I could be okay with just having one, and DP does too, but both of us are close to our siblings, and we really want that for DD as well. Anyway, stuff to think about...

post #36 of 190
6/4/12 at 11:12am

Sorry to all the BFNs this month.  :(  

 

Angela, I know what you mean about that conversation.  Ours has touched on the child-free though, something I could *never* be OK with.  I hope you guys get to a place that you're OK with.  Hugs to you!!

 

Wishin: bummer!!!!!  :(  I was really crossing my fingers for you guys this month!

 

Photo: Yes it can be awkward, but you need to know what you want and expect from a KD.  There should be a list of things that you absolutely WILL NOT compromise on, and some things that are open to discussion.  Keep it mind it's just a screening at this point and you're not singing a contract in stone.  Our contract included who would be recognized as the parents, that our kids will never claim his estate if he dies, that we agree we would go to arbitration before court, etc etc etc.  In BC, there has yet to be a case where the donor has fought for parental rights and won (in the case of having a donor insemination agreement), so we felt pretty safe in going that route.  If you end up doing a KD contract, watch for any kind of waffling on his behalf.  If he starts to drop hints that he wants to be more than just the donor, trust your gut.  It takes a lot of work to keep the communication lines open.  Be forward, be straight up, no apologies.  This is a guy you are planning to biologically link yourself to for the rest of your lives, it's better to have everything out in the open sooner rather than later.  It sounds funny, but going out for drinks is a good way to loosen everyone up and talk out some of the scarier/awkward things.  Social lubricant.  :D

 

Outdoorsy, good luck!!!  :D

 

AFU: I know I'm lurking, but I am keeping up with everyone!!  DW has her HSG this afternoon, and then we'll book our counselling appointment and our donor sperm orientation.  Then we can get on with picking a donor.  I'm waffling on how many vials to order.  We would really like to have the same donor for both of our kids, and the clinic will store the sperm for us.  Do banks usually accept returns/refunds on unused vials if they were stored at a fertility clinic?  I'm excited to start at the clinic, but anxious too, because while we have been able to pinpoint DW's ovulation, we've not been under the pressure of having only one or two shots at it...  

post #37 of 190
6/4/12 at 12:26pm
Darth--I would ask your bank but most will buy back vials at a discounted price (maybe around 75%?) but ONLY if they are stored at their own facility--not at a different place. Defintely something to ask about because I am sure each place is different.
post #38 of 190
6/4/12 at 1:53pm

Darth- Thanks for the kind words. I think that having one kid already has taken some of the pressure off for sure. If we didn't have any, there wouldn't be a "should we move forward" conversation happening, but rather, a "how do we keep moving forward" one. I'm feeling really angry about living in a state that won't let us both adopt a child. If that were an option, I think we'd already be moving in that direction. Since it's not, and since I'm feeling less optimistic about TTC these days, we've started to have conversations about what our lives would look like as a family of three. It's not all bad. More travel, more flexibility, etc. But then I see my DD with other kids, and I know how much she'd love a sibling, and what a good sister she'd be... I don't know. In terms of vials, definitely ask before you buy- our bank (TSBC) doesn't do buy backs AT ALL, even if they've been stored at the bank. This is my ONE complaint about an otherwise fabulous bank. I don't think anywhere will take them back once they've left the facility, since they can no longer guarantee their condition. Good luck!

post #39 of 190
6/5/12 at 5:34am

I'm sorry about all the BFNs this month.

 

Wannab and Outdoorsy: Good luck!

 

Darth: I hope the HSG went well. Would you let me know what it was like? I'm having on in August and I'm a teensy bit nervous about it.

 

Angela: Don't give up! Even if you don't have another biological child and can't adopt from North Carolina, there are other ways. (DW and I have looked into this a lot.) The best thing to do would be a private or foster care adoption from another state. The latter would require both of you to get certified as foster parents in North Carolina first. If you do the adoption in a state that allows joint adoptions by gay couples, you can both jointly adopt. Once you go back to North Carolina with a court order, they HAVE to accept it.

 

AFM: I've been fighting depression for a couple of days. We want this so bad and it seems like we're even further away from it now than we were in January.

post #40 of 190
6/5/12 at 7:01am

hug2.gifwishin. I'm sorry.

 

darth: I hope you weren't using the women's repro/ubc clinic! Apparently it closed down and they didn't notify any clients bigeyes.gif And I hope the hsg went well.

 

Angela: We've had the conversation about feeling ok with just one child. Our problem is we're both not ok with it. It's a tough journey to choose when it doesn't go quickly and easily. For us, we want to give it everything we have and then we'll talk about what we'll do and how we'll handle it. I do realize though that I should be focusing on how fortunate we are and I'd like to be in a place where I'm content with what I have no matter what happens...I'm just not there yet.

 

rs: Sorry you're dealing with depression. I have been too the last couple of days. Hang in there....

 

 

Afm: CD10. Yikes, I can't seem to get any temping in! I have acupuncture again tonight and I'm  very excited about it :)


Edited by carmen358 - 6/5/12 at 3:21pm
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