Trying to figure out how I'm going to do this, and remain strong for my girls: Newbie Post

[Momto3Thatsme]

Hi Everyone,

My name is Maureen, and once upon a time I joined Mothering because I was a huge fan of attachment parenting (cloth diapered, nursed into toddlerhood, co-slept, etc), but as my girls grew older (now 8 and 13) I fell away from the community. As I was online today trying to do a little research, I came across this forum, and realized how much I needed it.

I recently learned that my husband of 15 yrs has been involved in an affair with an ex high school girlfriend (whom he reconnected with via Facebook) for the past two YEARS. Unfortunately I learned this unexpected news not through him, but from the husband of his mistress, who called me after she admitted the infidelity to him. Because he travels a lot for his job, it gave him a wonderful opportunity to deceive me - and because I had no reason not to trust him - he led a double life, and would have continued to do had his secret not been revealed. He moved out the same day everything came to light, and I was left to pick up the pieces for my children. It's been hard, but I have an inner strength and joy that I'm so thankful for - and I'm trying to be as civil as I can be to him, so that he can still have a relationship with them.

Any words of wisdom from anyone would be greatly appreciated!

[rubelin]

hugs to you! I haven't dealt with infidelity so I don't have a lot of wisdom about that but I can tell you that divorce can be a blessing and that you will find your life opening up in miraculous ways. It's a bumpy journey, be gentle with yourself

[Momto3Thatsme]

Thanks so much for your kind words Robin, they're truly appreciated!

[dreamingtree]

It sounds like you are a wonderful mother who puts her children first, and I am so sorry that you were so horribly deceived by your husband.  I wish you inner peace and strength and once the storm clears you will most certainly be happier without him.  What a tough thing to go through, though! 

[Momto3Thatsme]

My children's needs are extremely important to me, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure they get through this as best they can. Part of me feels like a widow, because the man I *thought I was married to is gone, and in his place is someone who only looks familiar to me. :(
 

[MsChatsAlot]

Keep talking with your girls, be accountable, be honest, be fair. I'm not sure how much your girls know about the situation. It is difficult for kids when they know what has happened because they choose how they feel about it themselves, but if you are in a good place yourself -- a place of authenticity, integrity and accountability -- your girls will follow your lead.   Your attachment with them will not change, in fact, it might even become stronger.  Do what you need to heal from your betrayal and remember the best revenge is a life lived well.