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When other people are disappointed in the sex of your baby...

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
I'm glad I'm dealing with this now, bc during the post-partum period I would not be as strong...

We found out we are having our third boy. I knew I was carrying a boy, but wanted confirmation. Up until this point I have experienced many people stating that they hope I have a girl...that I "need" a girl!!! Even my own mother...but she is another story. I love my boys...they are amazing!

When I started spreading the news, some people's reactions made me uncomfortable or shocked. One woman even said she would trade her boy in for a girl anyday! She obviously is not a good mother, and it only simply shocked me, but I wish I had a better verbal "comeback". Maybe I should just be humble, but I want to stand up for my precious unborn son whom I'm already in love with.....

Any ideas for something clever, but not too rude, that I could say? I get questions constantly about "what I'm having".... So I know the questions will keep coming....

Maybe next time I shouldn't find out the sex....but I'm so emotional and fragile after birth...it seems like it's better to get it over with.... People can be soooo unaware and lack empathy! Our society can be sooo frustrating for me!
post #2 of 17

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.  Off the top of my head I'm not able to come up with any clever replies.

 

 I did just want to say that my hubby is the youngest of 3 brothers and several of my friends are incredible moms of 3 boys and that I think 3 boy families are especially dear and special!

post #3 of 17

Sorry you're dealing with that too  - what is with people sometimes!

 

I'm only on boy #2, but get the "you can try for #3 - a girl" comments occasionally. 

 

My response is - #1-  it's great! I know what to do with boys. OR #2  brothers will have a such a great bond and a lot in common.

OR #3 - I'm saving a lot of $ - I don't have to buy anything pink! Or #4  I fear teenage girls, much more that teenage boys - ha ha! 

post #4 of 17

I also go with the 'well at least I already have all the clothes!" one and the "teenage girls are scary" one. 

post #5 of 17

Ugh, Sillymom, sorry you have to hear this. Why are people so insensitive about stupid stuff? I imagine all your boys are unique and will be very different from each other as they grow. There are so many differences in kids outside of sex and gender, and yet this is the only thing people can focus on.

 

I don't have any comebacks, but I like the ones above. I'd probably just tell them to mind their own business, or to think before they speak, but I'm no good in situations like this. winky.gif

post #6 of 17

So sorry you have to deal with that. I'm having the same problem actually, and I'm only having my second boy. My dh is the youngest of 3 boys and has all male cousins, so I pretty much expect to have my own houseful of boys. Would I like a girl? Absolutely. Would I trade in my son for a girl? Never. They're my children regardless. My mil was disappointed, my father was disappointed, and my grandmother was disappointed. Most people just tell me "third is a charm". We're considering adoption so perhaps we could get our girl that way. 

 

As for witty responses- I like what PP said. Honestly I can be pretty abrasive when it comes to my kids and I'd just tell them you want boys or what's wrong with boys? 

 

Good luck! Enjoy those boys! 

post #7 of 17

Maybe when someone starts in on the comments you could put your hands over your belly and say, "shh! don't let him hear you talking like that!"  Kind of silly, but gets the point across that it's seriously rude to talk about how you wish someone was completely different, especially in their presence!
 

post #8 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelorum View Post

Maybe when someone starts in on the comments you could put your hands over your belly and say, "shh! don't let him hear you talking like that!"  Kind of silly, but gets the point across that it's seriously rude to talk about how you wish someone was completely different, especially in their presence!
 


That's perfect, Angel. What a great way to deal with it!

post #9 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelorum View Post

Maybe when someone starts in on the comments you could put your hands over your belly and say, "shh! don't let him hear you talking like that!"  Kind of silly, but gets the point across that it's seriously rude to talk about how you wish someone was completely different, especially in their presence!
 

love.gif this!

 

I'm sorry op. I got that all the time with our four boys. This pregnancy people ask me if we're having a girl and when I say yes most of the time they follow up with something along the lines of we can be done now!!! First of all...SO none of your business and second of all we did not keep going after the status quo so we could get a girl! How utterly crazy. There is a 50/50 chance of either and if you're not going to be 100% happy, in love with, and wanting of either then I just don't know what to say. :/ I would have been thrilled, so thrilled with another boy (5 boys would have been a BLAST and so very special!) and was so excited to get to see our sweet Benjamin at our mid pregnancy ultrasound...only it was sweet Wynnie. :P


Edited by JENinOR - 6/1/12 at 4:13pm
post #10 of 17
Thread Starter 
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!! Everyone had such kind and supportive things to say!!!!! I think all of them will come in handy, but I got a big kick out of Angelorum's idea! I love it!

It's also nice to know thatt I'm not the only one experiencing this!!! Although it makes me mad others are going through the same thing!

I am so excited for this precious baby that I am trying not to care what others say....but when the hormones are raging it is hard!!!

joy.gif
post #11 of 17

sillymom, I hear you. It also hurts me to think that these two boys that I already love so deeply, and are, thank G-d, healthy, could be a negative for anyone. I have not gotten any rude comments after we leared we are having twin boys, but beforehand so many people told me they hoped for at least one girl "for us," that somehow I felt pressured and the whole experience of finding out felt less joyful for it. Honestly I am very frustrated, sad, and angry about that. (Maybe in part I blame myself, since part of me is curious about the experience of parenting a daughter.) I think the best response to negative comments is to nicely and straightforwardly turn them around on the commenter. I will say, "Why does it matter?" Often people think of very superficial issues when it comes to sex/gender and this is a gentle way of pointing that out. If I feel the question about the babies' sexes (or any other question) is coming from a rude place, I just say, "Why do you ask?" I am then not obligated to answer and THEY have to sweat it out. 

post #12 of 17

I have 2 girls, 1 boy and I'm expecting our 3rd girl.. I get a variety of people trying to be "cute" by saying I "needed" a boy since then I would have 2 and 2..My responses:

"What exactly is wrong with girls?"

"A healthy baby is all that matters, gender isn't important"

"I love girls"

"You do realize you just said that in front of my daughters" especially good since my oldest will almost always pop up with "Mommy why does he/she like girls?" and it makes them stutter and walk away winky.gif

"Actually we were trying for a girl".. Not really true, we weren't trying at all but it does shut people up.

"The Lord knows what we need and hes sending us the child we are meant to have" works well for people at church who seem to want to make comments

"My girls were begging for another sister" which is completely true. My oldest started cheering and jumping up and down when she was told the gender.

"My son likes being the spoiled only brother".. which is also true, hes adored and spoiled rotten by his sisters.

 

Obviously you have to change the girls to boys etc but some might work for you. Sometimes when Im really ticked off I won't even trust myself to say anything Ill just give a dirty look to the person.. As my oldest calls it "mama going to go Marine on you run" look.. I developed it when I was active duty and I guess it works really well, it seems to get people to walk quickly away from me whistling.gif

post #13 of 17

People are just rude and ignorant, period.

 

We have two girls and have not found out the sex of this baby. I get a ton of boy comments, but it's easier since a) I don't know the baby's sex & b) Yes, we both do want a boy. It makes it a little more fun, not rude. People have asked if we are done after this b/c it's #3, or if we will try again if it's a girl. I think we would both love to try again if it is a girl, but it's incredibly unlikely. My response, since I do want a boy, is that I want to parent both sexes. If I had two boys, I would want a girl, it's the same thing.

post #14 of 17

People drive me crazy!!!!!!!

 

I Love Angel's and Oki's responces!

 

I don't have any advise other than people should just shut their pie hole...  We found out, but aren't telling anyone, nor did we tell anyone we found out!!! When asked I've been saying It's going to be a suprise.  DH needed the mental prep incase it was going to be a girl and if he knew I just had to know.  Several people have been shocked that we aren't going to find out and really it is none of there business!!  My MIL and SIL wern't happy that we wern't going to find out "because what are they going to buy for it, none of the gender neutral things are cute."  I have really wanted to say, well if you want to be helpful I did do a baby registry, why don't you pick something useful (like the cloth diapers/wipes) off of it!!  (Hence WHY people register!!)

 

Sending you hugs OP!!

post #15 of 17

This! This caused my first memorable pregnancy-hormone related emotional outburst that poor DH had to endure. Sorry the story is a bit complicated- the good news is that I am usually able to laugh a bit about it now.

 

When we first started telling our families that we were expecting.... Well, this will be the first grandchild on my family's side, so they were just excited period. But on my husband's side, at the time there were two granddaughters, one brand new grandson, plus one granddaughter on the way. And the SIL with the two daughters is the only other one whose sons would carry on the family's last name. She is known for being a little too blunt and I am somewhat accustomed to it from her. So when she told me that she hopes I have a boy and mentioned that it would take some pressure off her to carry on the family name, it didn't bother me... until her next sentence- "and [the only other grandson] would have someone to play with."  That ticked me off a bit- perhaps made me a little sensitive to it. I whined a bit to DH and planned to move on. Unfortunately not long after that I was talking on the phone to the SIL with the brand new baby boy... and she says something along the lines of "if you have a boy he can be a playmate for [her son]" and I just about lost it. I got off the phone with her fairly quickly (luckily I still had the good sense to not fight with my SIL) and poor DH got an earful for the next few days about how it is not my job to provide playmates for anyone! And that if we do have a boy... or maybe even a girl... s/he will not be allowed to play with [boy cousin], lest anyone think that is the purpose of our child's existence! And why does his crazy family seem to think that girl cousins will only play with girls and boys with boys?! (Neither of use grew up that way).

 

I realize now that I definitely over-reacted- my SILs didn't mean to offend me, and I don't think that they intended to imply those things. But it really seems to me that it shouldn't be that hard to just say sweet things to people, especially sensitive pregnant parents. Luckily I have had a lot of those kinds of comments too- of people just being happy and excited for me.. Since this is our first, and we haven't found out the sex, the only "opinion" most people give me is their guess whether its a boy or girl (which I actually enjoy- at least at work with people I know). And the reactions most people have had when we explain that we are planning to be surprised have been something along the lines of "how exciting!" Is it really that hard to just be sweet and encouraging?

post #16 of 17
Thread Starter 
These responses are great!! What a great support everyone is for me! I will definitely use some of these thoughts and ideas!!!


I keep seeing families with 3 boys and they make me smile!!! Even though, I would really like to have 1 more baby after this boy. I have always wanted 4! Andcibwill completely expect a boy!!! Lol
post #17 of 17

We're expecting our 4th girl. I got fed up with people with our 3rd girl, but I even got a few insensitive comments with our 2nd. They were really bad last time though. I got a couple at the beginning of this pregnancy that were bad. Most people would just say oh i hope you get a boy or maybe this one is a boy or whatever which I find harmless. But I got a few really hurtful comments. I posted on facebook one day about it. I haven't gotten anymore grief about it. From time to time people still say something, but most of it I can let roll off my back. I'm thrilled because I really prefer girls. I was slightly sad because it might be fun to have a son. My dh is really disappointed and I think people's comments sometimes are like salt in a wound. Whatever happened to a congratulations?

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